The plot thickens…he told me one day that he was married!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been flirting with a guy for a couple of months. We don’t see each other often. But when we do, we exchange glances. I started becoming attracted to him, but I wondered why he didn’t approach me. I decided that’s it, I’ll initiate this. I slipped him a heart shaped note that said “Thanks for smiling at me, that was sweet”. I left no phone number. I wanted to keep it open ended, nothing serious just yet. Later I asked him what he thought about my note. He said he was a little surprised, he didn’t know what to say. Then he goes on to say he was feeling happy that day, that’s why he smiled. He left it at that. I was shocked because I knew I had been getting flirtatious signals. Why the diplomatic response? After that, every time he saw me he looked really happy and excited. He started saying hello more often. I thought he brushed me off about the note, so I didn’t engage in any conversation. Then as time passed I found out that he had a girlfriend. I never noticed that he had a girlfriend before then—I even spoke to her a few times without knowing it! He never hangs around her. Then, she caught him looking at me one day. Now she is keeping her eye on him and me! I stayed clear when I found out about her, but I still had feelings for him. I don’t want to be responsible for a breakup, despite the feelings I still have for him.
The plot thickens…he told me one day that he was married! He commented on the kind of car I drove—he said, “Hey, you have the same car as my wife!” WHAT!!??? Now I’m really confused. Is he divorced, separated, is this a rebound girlfriend? Was he trying to be honest about things, so I won’t be shocked later? I don’t know what to think anymore. As a person, I have found him to be very nice and very gracious. Is this behavior of a player or someone who genuinely is trying to sort out feelings for new love? Should I ignore him or risk being friendly to him and have him know me better even though the girlfriend is in the picture?
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
Find out what to do
While I was reading this I thought in a very similar way to how the "advisor" was thinking. What is going on? Is that his girlfriend; is it his new or old wife? I think that by stating that his wife has the same car it was a way of telling you in a friendly way that "I'm taken". I don't mean to sound repetitive or depressing, but I would really figure out whats going on first, and keep in mind...if you two don't actually talk too often, then it can't be "love" that you feel immediatly. It is most likely the physical attraction known as "lust" that is often confused with "love". Remember, it is an attraction that you feel for him, not love. Don't get caught up in things too quickly. Find out whats going on, and then figure out what to do.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer