He's Still Friends with his Ex
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
My boyfriend of 9 months was involved with a woman for 17 years and she left him about a year and a half ago because "she wasn't happy." He says that he is over her; yet, before she left him, he said that he was perfectly happy with the relationship, so I assume he was pretty heartbroken when she left. He said he was blind when he was with her, and after she left and tried to come back to him three months later, he decided he didn't like the kind of person she was and didn't want her back. He told me early on in our relationship that his ex was a stripper and I've also heard other things about her that makes me believe that she is pretty hot looking woman(for a 40-year-old). He mentions her more often than I would like. I've told him that I don't want to hear her name anymore, but he says it can't be helped since they were involved for so long,they are still friends, and he still cares about her well being. The other day we were at lunch together and he answered a call from her on his cell. I was furious with him! He has also gone to her rescue for various reasons on a couple of occasions. Am I being jealous for good reason or am I just insecure? Please help!!
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Sorry, I dont agree with the first part of the above advice. Yes 17 years is a long time, but this lady is not a family member shes an ex. This puts a very different slant on things. In an ideal world we could all stay friends and live happily ever after ( with regular group hugs, no doubt..!) In the real world people need to know where they stand and they need to be able to feel that they are the special one in their partners life. This man really needs to cut the ties and let his ex move on and stand on her own two feet, she's a grown women after all.
He then needs to be sensitive and respectfull to his current partners feelings.
You should set your bounderies and make it clear how you do and dont expect to be treated. If he feels differently, then at least you know where you stand and can decide wether or not you want to stay in this relationship.
Good luck x
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