Jealousy causes trouble
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I were going out for almost a year, and then we broke up due to stressful situations elsewhere and needed time and space. During this time, he emailed his ex-gf from three years ago, saying he "missed her olive skin" (she told me this, and I trust her in what she says) She is married, and has a child now, and is very happy. My boyfriend and I got back together shortly after this, and have now been going strong for 9-months. In the beginning I did not want him talking to any of his ex-gfs due to this fact. The other night, he said he hated how I tried to control him, and wanted to talk to his old friends again. He re-added this girl to his MSN messenger, and they talk now. He leaves the history of the conversations on, so if I feel insecure I can read them to make sure nothing is going on, but I still feel weird about it. I don't like him talking to her, because of what happened last time we broke up. I think it will just bring up past feelings about her (even if she's not interested in him) and I'll be left in the dust with him trying to get her back. What should I do?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Leave ex behind
I can understand how being jealous does cause problems in a relationship and trust is key. But I have been in a similar situation myself and continual contact with ex's etc.. can't help but to cause doubt and questions, that is stressful on a relationship and unless you have been there it is hard to understand. In my opinion there really is never a need to continue such a relationship with an ex. A friendly hello if you see him or her but to stay in touch doing MSN etc.. Any time I stay in touch in any way with someone in my past is because there is still something there within me or her almost like a back up plan if things don't work out with a current relationship. Yes it is important to keep feelings and emotions in line but you also have to look at what really is happening.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer