She had a Fun Past, Now things are Boring
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My wife is 23 years old, I am 25, we have been married 2 3/4 years.
The past week or so it seems I have learned alot about my wifes past with ex-lovers when she was like 13 to 19, she talked about different places she had sex with them like on top of a car hood,in a truck, in a front yard, in a tent, ect. She volunteered the locations and of course I was curious so I asked questions like with who and where and when.
She didnt do it to be mean or brag about it, but it really got to me, because we have a good sex life, but nothing kinky or different like in her past, and I want that? She knows it. I dont understand why I feel so upset..after we talked about she got really hurt because she felt like she made me feel bad, and she shouldnt have said those things..we were talking about different places to have sex, and thats how it started the past topic.
My wife since we have been together has always been conservative and "old fashoned" when it comes to sex, but to hear about a "wild" past really freaked me out, because I dont understand why we cant do those things????
Do you have any advice? Yes, I feel jealous to a point, but hurt because I feel like she was a whore when she was younger? She is very faithful and loyal and dedicated to me, but I am having a hard time dealing with her past. Can you help?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
shoe fits both feet
I can relate my wife had a very wild past and then we got together and we had some sex not allot and nothing kinky.
I only found out about her past from a book she wrote about her past life.
I am trying to accept it when you think you married one person then find out its someone else its rough.
I think the point the advisor here is missing is that when you get married and find out about your wife's past that you then feel as a male three things A) betrayed because your did not know it does make you feel like fool .
B) Do I measure up to other she has been with and if so why has she never told me before hand about this.
C) Why than does or did she not have sex with me that way am I not good enough meaning Good looking enough , rich enough or not a good lover ?
Women speak allot about feelings yet when it comes to a man having these feelings we are supposed to just say oh well never mind?
The Ladies you place themselves in a mans shoes I have been with 200 ladies before I was married but now suddenly my sex drive is only ok nothing great or I want sex but only a little.
Am I to think the ladies not there would not ask well he could not keep his hands off this girl but me its like are we done yet ?
They would not say don't I measure up or don't I get him off the way others did , women need to talk less and think that maybe even men fell insure as well.
Women say the biggest turn off is an insecure Man well I have been with only the best looking women and let me tell you no one is less secure than them , no one .
Ladies a man wants the same treatment you want honesty from the start and to know he is desired as well .
The advisor suggests that what she went through is what made her what she is and why you now love her ?
A Man may profess that he would marry Pam Anderson in a heart beat but let him bring her home to Mom or say yea your Mom did a porn movie or was with 200 guys before we married to the kids ?
Get honest if you loot a store and you then say the person is not a thief is that what you saying , please.
The one thing about women who have been around allot is they reach a point where they want to settle down and when they do they can change from being a bad girl to boring.
They always choose the kind of guy they would be proud of and can trust which is understandable , don't Guys deserve the same thing ?
I see its ok to give Bobby wild sex whenever , where ever but then you get married to the Guy you profess to love and ignore him ?
This Ladies is why allot of marriages don't work , he is good enough to pay the bills , have kids with and spend the rest of your life with but not to have the kind of sex you used to ?
Think about and come back with an Honest answer , do you recall the Guy you ran after that had sex with all the girls and you just had to prove you could get him ?
I am sure you do , now after you did and had all that sex you then said yea but I would not marry him because he cant be trusted .
Well the show Ladies fits both feet !
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer