He Ignores Me Sexually - and Uses Porn Instead
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am in desperate for advice. My boyfriend (26) and I (24)have been dating for close to a year now and after the first few months we our sex life has gone down hill. I know that he didn't have the best childhood and was basically left to be brought up by his grandmother whom he was really close to. Sadly she past on about a month ago but even before that we hadn't had sex for a month or so and are now going on a 3 month mark.
i will admit we have had a rocky relationship since the start and i keep telling myself it's partly due to his rough past but still... Anyhow when i approach him on this he tells me it's because i'm "nasty" as in not nice. i'm not perfect but i think i do my best as a girlfriend and i hate that he looks at porn and "takes care of business". He is affectionate and likes to cuddle though and i'm 99.9% confident that he is faithful.
he denies it but i know for a fact that he looks at porn OFTEN. please help, i do care for him but can't be in a sexless relationship. as well i've noticed that he rarely gets naked in front of me and changes in the other room and says that is just how he is.
is it me or him? what can i do to make him more intrested in having sex with me and not porn? we are both young and attractive and i want and need him to want me. i am just tired of his reasoning of i'm nasty or he isn't comfortable with having sex with me yet (since our last major fight on valentines day)i'm starting to feel as if i need to earn points that are rewarded by sex. we spend almost everyday together and have talked about moving in together but i am so lost.
i don't want to end this relationship but i need to have sex and feel wanted by my boyfriend. when we do have sex he seems to enjoy it and is effectionate afterwards and in a pleasant mood. i just don't understand b/c he told me that he has been with 60+ women in his lifetime but they were mainly all just for sex and i am his 2nd major relationship. please, please help me. it's a bit more complicated but that is the short version. thanks!
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
It sounds like your boyfriend has some issues with his own sexuality! Maybe he is confused about his feelings for the same sex! Also, he may have told you that he has been with other women to hide the truth! Or, maybe he has trouble expressing his needs and thinks that you may not be able to understand to give him what he needs! The problem doesn't sound like it pertains to you! You need to decide how important this man is to you! You need to be true to yourself and ask yourself if he is worth the struggles you are dealing with! Remember, you are an important person too! Your needs are just as important as everyone elses! Good luck! I hope that I might have helped you in some ways!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer