i also understand that "porn" is just another thing that most guys include in thir lives,
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i have a jealousy problem:
my problem goes beyond ex girlfriends, it is pretty much about EVERYTHING. i know that i love my boyfriend very much so i try to ignore it, but that doesn't stop it from eating away at me. you see, i think that maybe i am so insecure about myself that i hate thinking that he is fantasizing about another girl. i know that he is going to think that other people are attracted, but it make me nevervous that maybe he desires them more. and my problem is that its with famous women. i hate the thought that they have something i dont have that maybe he wishes i did. i completely understand that he'll most likely never have a chance with them but i hate thinking if he had the chance, he would change things about me. i also understand that "porn" is just another thing that most guys include in thir lives, however i cant stand that while he is giving himself pleasure he is not thinking of me... he is thinking of the jenna jameson, or some playboy bunny. it just pisses me off so much that he is fantasizing about them, even though it may be a normal thing. please help.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Porn is bad
Maybe your 'problem' is caused because of people like George here.
You are insecure and your insecurity is magnified because of your boyfriends habits.
What I've discovered about porn in my personal relationships:
*It's addictive. After a surprisingly short time the pictures and stories you have just don't do anything for you any longer. Real people can move, change, and improve; pornography doesn't. You have to go buy more to get the same "high", and then more, and then more. Orgasms are far more addictive than most people think.
*It's superficial. People have enough trouble getting others to see them as three-dimensional human beings without pornographers encouraging the problem. But pornography encourages the idea that sexuality is all that matters, and that it's all a matter of how you look or perform in bed. Ironically, pornography is usually artificial to begin with -- airbrushed photos, silicone implants, and faked orgasms all feed pornographic consumers a fantasy of what's "attractive" which is nearly impossible to find in real life.
*It's damaging. Pornography inevitably goes together with sexual fantasies which rarely live up to anything you'll experience in real life. A regular viewer of pornography who tries to establish a sex relationship with their S.O. a spouse eventually finds that their partner can't live up to what they've been imagining. And so the relationship fades, while the pornography habit grows.
*It's insulting. If someone who's interested in you knows you're interested in pornography, then they feel like they have to live up to the cosmetic standards that the models, actors, or fictional characters represent. As long as you're enjoying it, you're silently telling your partner that while they're good enough to sleep with, there's some needs they just can't meet that these pictures and words can.
*It's misdirecting. Pornography represents "sex for sex's sake" or, more often, "sex for my sake", rather than sex for love's or the relationship's or the partner's sake. Sex should be about both giving and taking, about intimacy and affection, because otherwise it's just a recreational sport. This may be suitable for some people, but it's a guaranteed slow death for any long-term relationship.
So, You're not the only 'abnormal' one.
George is only normal because of this vile obsession with porn that our culture has.
In the end, I can't give you any advice. Relationships are different for everyone and can only be judged by the people who are in them. I'm smart enough to not give any advice because I know that what has worked for me may not work for you. George is ignorant if he thinks that he has helped you in any way. The most important thing in ANY relationship is communication. Tell him how you feel. Maybe you can come to some conclusion. Thats the only thing that will work for everyone.
I wanted to show you that you are not the only one who feels this way. There are MANY MANY people in the world who have felt and are feeling how you are right now.
F*ck George and his pinching idea. Maybe if he got shot in the head for every time he pulled his d*ck to some picture of a 16 year old girl who got paid $20 to pretend to be aroused, he'd give up giving sh*tty advice so much.
No, I am not religious. No, I am not a feminist.
I personally just see very little point in being in a relationship with someone who fantasizes about someone else.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer