I'm Very Jealous about my Boyfriend
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been dealing with jealousy for what seems a long time now. My boyfriend and I have been going out for exactly seven months now. So many things trigger my jealousy - pretty girls passing by, him talking to girls in class, and such. I know that these things are pretty pathetic, so I have been helping myself by mentally challenging my fear of losing him. I know that it wouldn't be the end of the world (even though it would feel like it for a while) if we broke up.
However, I still can't help but feel this horrible feeling of jealousy. Lately, I have been drowned in feelings of jealousy and fear. I can't stay in a relationship feeling like this, and i have actually thought about breaking up with him. Now that school is starting, I need to concentrate in school and not deal with this pain and depression that jealousy brings to me.
To make matters worse, he is dorming this semester. I know for a fact that at least his friend/roomate will have girls in the dorm room. I know for a fact that there will be girls trying to go in and out of his room. My boyfriend happens to be very friendly and an athlete that knows a lot of girls.
I'm hurting as I'm typing this. I really don't want to go home every night and know that I'm leaving him alone. Maybe if he does anything, I'll never find out and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to torture myself with thoughts. There was a night last semester when he had to stay in the dorms for one night. I called him and there were a lot of girls around talking to him and saying hi. After I hung up the phone, I began to cry and it lasted all the way through the night.
I want to trust him, but after all, all men are dogs, right? It seems like an easy way out: Dump the guy and forget about everyhting. The only problem is that that is not true. I know that if I break up with him just like that, I will regret knowing that I broke up with someone I love just because of instinct and fed jealousy. If I don't break up with him, I'll live in a sea of tortuting thoughts. We have been through so much and I know I'll miss him.
Last time I broke up with someone, I felt the worst pain I've ever had to deal with. I don't want to go through it again. I don't want to be naive and think that he'll be a perfect angel either. We don't have sex and I'm afraid that he'll look for it and find it somewhere else. Everything is at the reach of his hand. I need some serious advice. Please helpme.
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
let him go
if u love him let him go and if he comes back to u his all yours!
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