She's Very Needy and Clingy
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
me and my girlfriend are going steady for abt 5 years. thing is, when we started our thing she was somewhat a difrent person than what she's now. she had a strong personality, a voice of her own, very reserved and a very strong person.
but in abt 2 years in the relationship, she started to change. she became very moody, dependent,tantrum throwing sort of a person and started depending on me for every small matters. i felt a bit suffocated and told her so. this resulted in many a crisis situations. since im long way into the relationship and since i have a broken relation at my back, i dont want to break up or something. but i would definitely like her to change.
then , tho we share physical closeness, we never had sex. she has always been a bit reluctant in sexual matters all the time. of late she's goin thru a phase like wanting me when im not near and not wanting me when im physically close to her. this is a great stress for me.
third, her whole world moves round only me, which makes her possesive,jealous and at times suspecting. this makes me feel very suffocated and i cant tell her this categorically as it'd create a lot of crying episodes which i hate.
she keeps on shouting at me for very small or aparently no reasons, which i accept without getting angry most of the time. yet she keeps on saying that she loves me and shows it in all the ways too.
i sometimes feel i m losing out my identity while adjusting with her.
please tell me what i should do to make the relation better .i feel very afraid if would kill the relationship one day if i go on like this.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I think I am a lot like your girlfriend. I am very clingy and possessive, sensitive and easily hurt. I have problems with putting all my effort and attention into one thing in my life. I recognize this is MY problem, though....not my boyfriend's. We have discussed it and I've made it clear that this is my personality and I've tried to change but can't seem to (I think this behavior has resulted from my struggling to deal with big betrayals from some of my loved ones). I've told him that if he can't handle it, I'd want him to leave rather than drag the relationship on and on if he's not happy. If your girlfriend's not willing to recognize her problem and give you the same consideration, I think you should end the relationship. She needs to find a mate who is a loner like she is who will be willing to spend all his time with her. You need to find someone who's not so needy. You have simply grown apart and are too different now to make things work. Don't stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer