My Husband Keeps Lying
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi, I need serious advice. My husband can't stop lying. I am to the point of divorce. This has been happening since before we got married. He always promises to stop and then I catch him in a lie again. He then tells me that he lies to avoid me being mad at him. His mother also told me that he has always had a lying problem. I have asked him if we should both go to counseling or if he wants to go alone and he says he doesn't have time. I am at my wits end with the lying. I don't trust anything he says or does. It is like a circle of lies. First he tells me he will never lie again so I start to trust him again. And then I feel comfortable believing him and trusting him and then all of a sudden, I find out a lie. He lies about EVERYTHING!!!
What do I do??? This is ruining my marriage and making me CRAZY. He has even got to the point of telling me I AM crazy when I remember things he says and he says he didn't say that. It is like he is even forgetting his own lies.
He is a great father and a fairly good husband otherwise. I don't want my son growing up thinking lying is okay. And I don't want to continue a marriage that is untrustworthy. What is the point of being married to someone that you don't believe a word they say and question everything??
What do i do? What do I say to him???
Thanks so much
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
been there done that
I feel your pain. I thought when I got together with the man I am with now. I had finally found someone who shared the same morals and values I had. I didn't find out that my husband was a compulsive liar until after marriage. By then I felt it was to late to get out of it and felt trapped.Not only did I find out he was a compulsive liar, but he has a cheating problem as well. I really tried to make my marriage work.Recently, I have been away from my husband long enough to think and evaluate our marriage. I have for the last few years blamed myself for his issues.I felt if I had done this or that he wouldn't lie. I put on weight and my self esteem was shot to pieces.Being away from him has made the world of difference. I now can sit back and honestly say that he had these problems before our marriage. Nothing I said or did would have changed him. I begged with him to get help. And when you try to force someone to get help. They have to want to get help or doesn't really do any good. For the first time in a long time I feel good about myself again.I've lost weight. Care about my appearance again and am actually happy.I've decided to get out of my marriage. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much I love him. If he hasn't changed by now. He's not going to.I want you to know my heart really goes out to you.I know what your going thru. The anger sometimes get to much to handle.My prayers are with you
Been there, done that
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer