I'm Jealous over his Past Loves
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Ive been with my finance for nearly 3 years now and we have had our ups and downs mainly due to my jealousy. After I had been with him for just 3 months I found a letter in his car which he had wrote to his ex wife when they split. This letter was written before we even met. In this letter he told her that he will never love anyone has much has he did her. This break my heart when I read this has I was madly in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
He told me that he was confused and lonely when he wrote it and it dosnt mean anything now and its in the past. But I cant get this letter out of my head even 3 years later. He tells me he loves me much more than he ever did his ex but how do I know hes not just saying that to make me feel better? Sometimes I go on at him and keep asking him if hes really sure he loves me more.
Sometimes he seems hes not sure and I think hes lying. I just couldnt be with him if I knew he loved his ex more than he does me. It would also mean Im not the right person for him wouldnt it? How do I know his telling truth about loving me more? Should I be worried whether he loves me more or not? Please reply as soon as possible as this is driving me mad!!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Don't taint it
I understand how you feel. I love my boyfriend with everything in me. we were best friends before we were lovers and our relationship has been great. Yesterday as he was cleaning out his bag to ready himself for class today, I came across a number of notebooks filled with his poems. I have always loved his poetry but he would never let me read certain ones. As i read i found myself becoming physically ill. He had poems that he had written for his ex-girlfriend about 2-3 years ago, he also had poems and letters that she had written to him. There were phrases about how much he loved her and how she was the only one for him, the only one he could ever imagine being with. it's a very painful thing to go through, knowing the one you love completely can never give you all of himself because a small part of him has been given to someone else. My advice is this. Trust in his love for you. Don't question it and don't compare it. eventually the pain fades and you realize that what you have is special in its own right. don't taint it.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer