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We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



Is She Friends or Something More?



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Male
Hey, I need some good advice because I'm really confussed at the moment about some stuff. I'm almost 17 and I've dated about 3 girls seriously and a bunch that only lasted a week or a little more. Things are going good for me, I have lots of friends, playing for a provincial soccer team, and girls say I'm pretty good looking. I don't like to think about that it's just a vanity that I hate some guys get right into it, sure it's nice to be thought of that way but people get conceited about it.

Anyways I've been friends with this girl for like 4 almost 5 years now and I think I like her. I'm friends with some of her friends and they tell me she talks about me sometimes and says I'm a great guy and good-looking so I dunno if she likes me or something. She said we're such good friends that she doesn't know if we could go out so I have no clue what that means, is she scared to ruin our friendship? I honnestly don't have a clue about how to talk to her about this and I've been reading your ideas about start slow and go on some fun dates and that's a good idea for some and I've already done that with her sometimes but I'd really just prefer to get it over with but i dunno what I should do to start the topic. Where I come from people will know if you like someone by just asking them on dates like that so I'd really rather get it over with and I need some advice as to how I cna do it.

How cna you tell if a girl likes you??? Is there signs that they'll show? I read the section of your's on that but it's sometimes a little hard to tell if their pupils are dialted without looking like a freak going up and studying them lol. Because there's this other girl and she's pretty good looking and she's nice, we've talked a couple time she says hi every once and a while and lately she's like taking an interest in me or somethin. She always sits within a seat of me on the bus and I sometimes see her staring at me. Her and one of her friends sometimes looks at me and talks but I have no idea if it's about me. I could be wrong but I wish I could read a woman's mind :)

Thanks for your time.




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Be her friend


Well, every girl is different. Some girls may act shy around you when they like you. Other girls may flirt endlessly. Some may stare you down from across the room. And, some may even avoid you completely so you don't find out that they like you. Now, your friend may only see you as a friend. There's always a chance of that. But, saying that she "doesn't know if you two could ever go out" means that she has at least entertained the idea of you two dating at one time or another. I'd say if you really like her, you should treat her as you have for the last 4-5 years (as a friend), and find a good time to sit down with her and express your feelings to her, explaining also that you really don't want things to get weird in your future friendship/relationship...whatever the case may be after your conversation. If she's a good friend, she'll respect your honesty and concern for your future friendship, and maybe you'll even get a girlfriend out of it all.

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