My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 9 months now and we tend to argue a lot
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Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 9 months now and we tend to argue a lot. Today was especially bad. He called me this morning just after I had woken up and I was incredibly surprised because he is usually not awake so early, so I asked him what time he had gone to sleep at and he told me that he had not gone to bed that night because he had not been tired. When he told me this I became upset because we had been planning on seeing eachother today and every time that he pulls an all nighter he ends up falling asleep in the middle of the day and we either do not get to see eachother or he falls asleep with me at his house, leaving me with nothing to do other than to try to sleep as well, while still keeping an eye on the time to make sure that I get home on time. But that wasn’t much of a problem and we just continued on with our conversation. Our conversation soon led to a camping week that he had been invited to with a friend of his (lets call him Andy) and his friend’s family. Andy had been a good friend of his for about a year, and I never had much of a problem with Andy other than the fact that he was constantly teasing me and trying to push my buttons, but not too long ago Andy was trying to encourage my boyfriend to attend a pool party that they had both been invited to. This pool party was to consist largely of people that neither of them knew, many of which were female. Andy went as far as to say to him “You should go to the party, there will be a lot of half naked girls there, and none of them know that you have a girlfriend, you can have your fun with some of them and your girlfriend will never know.” After hearing about this I immediately erased Andy’s name from my semi-good books. So when my boyfriend told me he was planning on going to a cottage with Andy I have to say that I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but he knew that I trusted him and I would be okay with him going. He asked me what concerns I would have about the trip and I told him about all the worries or thoughts that I had, and every thing I said he brushed off as if I was simply being silly and immature, but to me the fact that he was going to be at a crowded beach full of half naked women with a friend who isn’t particularly happy that he and I are together makes me a little uneasy. But that conversation didn’t last very long either because he was quickly becoming more and more tired, so he told me that he was going to take a quick nap and asked that I call him back in about an hour and a half, but he assured me that we would still be able to see eachother today. So about an hour and forty – five minutes later I called him back and asked his mother to wake him up. Once I was speaking to him I asked if he was still tired, he told me he was a little bit tired so I told him to go back to sleep and I would, once again, call him back in about an hour and a half and once again, he assured me that we would see eachother today. During the time when he was asleep I took a shower and curled my hair so that I would look nice when I saw him later that day. When I called him back the second time he sounded quite alert and awake. So I assumed that he was. He told me to get ready quickly and he would leave to come pick me up right away. I began to get ready and with in a few minutes I was done. I realized that he wasn’t there yet and that I would have a few more minutes to make myself beautiful. I put on my make up exactly the way he likes me to wear it, got changed into an outfit that was a little nicer and added a few curls to my hair. I thought that this would be a nice surprise seeing that I hardly ever dress up or do my hair\make – up. When I looked back at the clock I noticed that it had been about 20 mins since I got off the phone with him, and I was wondering what was going on, because he only lives 10 mins from me, I thought that he must have done something before he left his house or gotten stuck in traffic or something, so I went downstairs and waited outside my door for a while in the horrible heat, but I couldn’t take it for long. I went inside and waited there for a while. The next time I looked at the clock about an hour had passed and I was furious! I called his house to find out what was going on. When I got through I found out that instead of coming to pick me up he had decided to go back to sleep. I was already angry at him, but the way he defended himself angered me even more. Once again, he brushed it off like it was nothing. He said that he had been tired so he laid down again and sure enough, within a few minutes he had fallen asleep, and that it was not his fault at all, it was his tiredness that was to blame. This ended up escalating into a full blown argument. It did not end on a good note. I had hung up on him and I had expected him to call me back, which for us is the usual response when one of us hangs up on the other, not that it happens often though. But he did not. I sent him an email to see if he would receive it and call me back, but he was not at his computer About an hour or two later I called back to see what was going on\ semi- apologize, but his mom answered and told me that he had gone out, but she was not sure where he had gone. I thought that he might have gone to see his cousin who we will call Leo. Leo is a good friend to my boyfriend and I and always gives us great advice when we need it. So I called Leo’s cell phone with the intention of asking him that if he spoke to my boyfriend I would appreciate if he would tell him to call me, but I got no answer so I hung up without leaving a message. A few minutes after that, my phone began to ring, I looked at the caller ID and did not recognize the number, but I realized that it might be Leo calling from his home line (I only have his cell phone number). When I answered it I was still convinced that it was Leo, because it sounded kind of like Leo’s voice and I hadn’t heard Leo’s voice in a while, but I was incredibly surprised to find that it was Joe, an old friend of mine who used to have a crush on me. This crush made my boyfriend uncomfortable, so I had asked Joe not to call me any more and we no longer spoke online either. I was shocked to find that it was Joe because we have not spoken in about 6 months. I knew that this would upset my boyfriend so I got off of the phone as quickly as I could and I asked him not to call me anymore. Soon after I got off the phone with Joe, my phone rang again and I was afraid to answer it because I was worried that it would be Joe again, but when I looked at the caller ID I saw Leo’s name so I answered it and to my surprise, I heard my boyfriends voice in place of Leo’s. I spoke to him briefly and he asked why I had called Leo and I told him that I had wanted to get a hold of him, and he apologized for being an a-hole before and said that later he would be in my neighbourhood and asked if I would want to go for a walk with him and discuss what had happened that day. I told him that I would like that and that I had something to tell him later. So when we did meet up I told him right away that Joe had called me and I had done everything I could to get off the phone as quickly as I could. As soon as I told him this he got extremely mad and wanted to walk away from me, but after quite a bit of convincing he decided to stay and walk with me, so we walked until we got to a park and we sat there and talked but he often got up and tried to leave but I would call him back and he would talk for a little more. During that conversation he raised his voice quite a bit and said that i had lost all of his trust by answering the phone. Soon enough we had to go home so Leo drove us home and when he was in the car with Leo he called me and apologized for raising his voice at me, and for over reacting and he realized that it was not my fault that Joe had called me, and I accepted his apology and he told me he would call me when he got home. When he got home he called me again and he was angry at me again, he said that he had lied when he apologized before and that he had just said that because Leo had told him that he was being silly and that it was not my fault. I don’t know what to about these problems, please help! Im worried that this could end our relationship and i really do love him with all of my heart!
Thanks in advance,
ps- sorry its so long!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
this is exactly the same situation im in - its pretty scary cuz i thought my own girlfriend wrote this about me. except for the fact that i realized that you are the one being bossed a bit in this relationship, in my situation my girlfriend has made me her servant "so to speak" and she loves me and everything but every now and then i have to remind her that she is being a little... well... having it her way by comparing who's right and who's wrong. in this story im usually the guy who over sleeps lol but she does her fair share of things to me too but i think its best to overlook some things if you truly love the person, and to every so often try to stand up for an equal share in power (but not too forcefully at all) cuz people who know they have power do not like to hear that they are being unfair. good luck
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