he wants space, I dont want to let go.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months, its not a long time, but we have known each other for a very long time. I never thought I would want to be with him, and never thought we would be together, but it happened. When it did, he wanted to be with be everyday. So its been 3 months... and we have seen each other almost everyday of those 3 months. The other day he told me that he was going to go out and ended up calling me at the last minute and didnt even say he wasnt going, he just said that his friends were coming over. So I got really upset, and he ended up coming over. He couldnt figure out what was wrong and what I was mad at him about. Well the next day, he told me that he needed to talk to me, so we talked. He said that he has his friends and I have mine. And that he really misses those times with his friends and his free time to himself before we got together. This made me feel like he didnt want to be with me anymore. I love him, and I know I do, and I plan to be with him for awhile. He said he still wanted to be with me, but I still feel that way. He said he just needed a little space and that he still loves me. Before we started dating, I was the type that was always by myself, and did my own thing. When I met him, I realized I was a little lonely, so now, when he tells me he needs space, I dont know what to do with myself. Its like I went from being independent, to being with him all the time, and know that he wants space, I dont want to let go. When I dont have him with me, I feel so lost, and like I have nothing else to do. Sometimes I just cry. I dont want to lose him, I love him more than anything. I do understand that he has friends that he wants to hang with, but I guess Im really scared that if he started to spend less time with me, that he will eventually pull away, and not want to be with me anymore. Do you have any advice for me?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Wow, hon, I feel ya. I was in the same situation,totally independent, stock broker, single mom-church , friends, etc..but when I met this guy I really fell for him quick and he fell for me quick too. Two things NEITHER one of us did in the past. We spent everyday with each other. He brought his son and brother over to meet. Then we had this misunderstanding and he stated he needed space and he still loved me. I turned into an insecure nag, something i thought i could never be,,,6 months later. he saying he can't believe how I've acted that i am so afraid he is going to hurt me. he wants it to work. I have totally lost who i am . Remember God says who you are and just don't lose sight of yourself or make it harder by pressuring...relax and think of long term effects before you do anything..pray about it...listen....take it from me...i can't believe after all the pressuring he still wants to consider. i am a wonderful person..but so many times our reactions shows our true person and really..it seems like we truly need the space...once we're ok alone..that means we're ready...
wishing you the best
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer