Constantly on my mind

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have loved my high school sweetheart for as long as I can remember. We were separated by years of college and different locations. We both have mates and I care about mine very much, he loves me more than he loves himself, but any time I have shared with my ex over the years is was like we were 17 all over again. Last summer we were reconnected and it was hot heavy and we shared some very intimate moments. I must admit I was back in love.

Later on in the year he surprised me with news of him preparing to become a father. I congratulated him and we have not spoken much since. However, his family still informs me of his status and I find myself thinking of him everyday. My friends say I should reach out to tell him how I feel but I am hesitant because we both have mates and where would we go from there. I have attempted to contact him on casually on social media with no response (I do believe his girlfriend might have access to delete them).

So, even though we share a story book love in our hearts real life is something different. My friends all say life is short and I should tell him how I feel but I do not know how to go about it or even if I should at this point. What would be the best way to go about getting the info or closure I need because if he is happy, given that it may be hard, I will erase the thoughts of us forever. I would highly appreciate your opinion. Advice
If you two were hot and heavy I doubt he has any misconceptions about how you feel. He knows you care for him and he cares for you. However, like the classic Olivia Newton-John song says, "there you are with yours, and here I am with mine", sometimes you have to love from a distance. You two have chosen your paths. You know there is a connection between you two and yet clearly you have both chosen your other paths. He values being a father and that's important to him.

It's important to face life with open eyes. As fond as he is of you, he prefers the idea of being with his new son. That's his choice. While having a fantasy is nice, when it starts to interfere with the daily real life you have it becomes an issue.

Many people dream about high school romances. It's a quite common dream. But in reality few of those dreams hold up. They might go strong for a short while, but the intrusion of current realities puts a damper on what we idealize. That is, he wants this child. He wants to be there with it and with its mom. You need to accept that, wish him the best, and then refocus yourself on your own current life.

Life is far too short to waste it on fantasies. You have a real life that's ticking away from you day by day. Make that real life the best you can be. If you are truly miserable with your current mate, then that's one thing. If not, then you are doing him a disservice by spending your time mooning over what exists in your fantasy mind, rather than building and improving what is right in front of you.

Good luck!

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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