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We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain

my partner cheated on me

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I just found out that my partner has cheated on me.We have been together for 17 years and have 2 children together.The person that he cheated on me with was a friend and someone he works with.He told me he has been cheating on on an off for five years with her and they have only done it 5 times in that five years.It happened when he went away for work and when he was really drunk.He hates himself for doing it.He told me he loves me and that he will never do that again with her.He told me he hates her and he hates what he did.He said it didnt mean anything to him it was just sex.He said he only wants to be with me.He broke my heart and I feel sick to my stomach and cant get these images out of my head.I dont know what to do.Should I stay with him and work things out.I dont know if I can trust him again or if I can forgive him.I want to stay with him because I love him and I know he regrets what he did.Should I stay ,will He do it again to me.

RomanceClass.com Advice
The biggest thorn here is that the cheating happened more than once, and over a long span of time. This is not a one time thing that is easy to forgive...and there may indeed be a chance he will do it again. He's proven himself untrustworthy.

I am sure he is repentant, but many people feel badly about the things they have done and still continue to do it.

You've been with this man a very long time and have children together. So it's worth trying to work this out with him if you can. If he strays when he is drinking on work trips, then he needs to refrain from drinking when on said trips! I'd suggest seeing a counselor together, and let him know that is one of the conditions for you to try again. Another condition would be that he can never cheat again; he needs to prove his honor to you going forward. A relationship has to be built on trust.

If he can't stop drinking on trips, and he won't see a counselor with you, then perhaps it is time to put him out of your life and mind. Good luck.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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