Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm 24, I have insecurity issues 'cause all of my past ex's cheated on me. Because of this I start to get nosey and snoop. my gf is 19 and has for lack of a better term "slutty" past and she is VERY flirty. I was nosey for a while and never found anything suspicious. but other things like me asking her who she was texting/calling/hanging out with started to annoy her. eventually we broke up and i snooped and found a message she sent to someone saying she was looking to hook up. I did the same thing out of anger but neither of us followed through. i called her out she apologized and i forgave her (hell i did the same thing) and we got back together. the next day i looked through her phone and she had sent a pic of her in a bikini to her guy friend in hawaii (we live in az) and it said "secrets don't tell (my name)" and that was about it. i called her on it she felt like s*** and I broke up with her again saying i needed some time and she agreed and said she'd never do it againt.
next day i got nosey again looked at her message. she had talked to her friend in hawaii again and I called her on it and she got pissed cause she said she wasn't trying to talk to him and she is sick of me snooping and that's what pushed her to get get attention from other people. on further inspection of the message she was trying to politely say "i don't want to talk to you". we broke up after this. we still talk and still love eachother. and i know i have a jealousy and insecurity issue. what i want to know is after all this, is this relationship worth working out (which she is not appose to after some time) or because of what happened will i always be jealous and worried and just push her away. I've been in a few relationships. my longest being 3 1/2 years but I have never felt this way about another girl. with her I have feelings I've never had before.
My opinion is that this is not something that can become a good relationship right now. Maybe in a few years, if you are still friends, it will be a better time. But for now, she is too flirty and sneaky for you, and you are jealous and snoppy for her. Neither of you have acted in clean conscience in this case.
It's best to back off and get a clear perspective. You will learn from this experience and so will she.
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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