How do I fix this?

Visitor's Question from a unknown year old Female
I met the man of my dreams. We both have some issues though, his are worse than mine and though I understand his completely they make some things harder for me. He has major trust issues and holds grudges for a long time. He is never believes anything until he sees it or until it happens.

I deployed to Iraq and I swore I wouldn't cheat, I've never done anything like that and there is no one who could even compare to my baby for me. But I'm sort of a weak willed person, I'm trying to learn to be stronger but I have a soft spot for troubled souls like myself.

During my deployment I met a very troubled soul who, like my boyfriend and I was also a victim of childhood abuse and struggling through his issues. We became good friends, we were accused of sleeping together (he's married with a child) and at the time it wasn't true but in my desire to help him and bring him the happiness he deserved, I uncovered his attraction to me. We were both relieved when we discovered that neither of us wanted to cheat. I reassured him that I would NEVER sleep with him. I guess this triggered something inside of him that made him want to "be wanted" and so he used psychology against me to sway me and slowly I began slipping, at first it was little things, a little touching but I reassured myself it was nothing and I never kissed him or had sex with him. But it escalated into more and he broke my will, and when he asked if he could just stick in it a little while, I let him.

My heart is broken, I love my boyfriend to death and I don't want to lose him but he told me before hand that he would be far too heart broken to stay with me if I cheated. No one is like him, no one is perfect for me like he is. I don't want to be a liar, thats the worst thing ever but if I tell him the truth, I lose him. I think if I give him time and we work though some of his issues he might forgive me. Or wait until I'm done in Iraq.

I wasn't planning on telling him because I don't want to lose him. It'd be the one and only lie, the one thing I would bury. And maybe years and years and years from now I might tell him. Then again I don't want to hurt him at all. but Ive already messed up. He said he thought it might happen, so many people do it. He's never been cheated on before either.

The guy I cheated with is in no way superior to my boyfriend. It makes me mad and sad. I don't know what it was. This is my first serious boyfriend since 2 years ago. I'm thinking during my post deployment therapy may be where I make my final decision. But I just can't let the love of my life walk out of my life. I know I was stupid but he won't understand/believe that I won't do it again.

HELP ME!!! I'm sorry its long :( I haven't talked to anyone and I don't know what to do. Advice
Most definately post deployment therapy is where you'll find your answer. You're not alone in a situation like this. Civilians cannot relate to the kind of stress that our soldiers are under, especially during a time of war. Do NOT say anything to your boyfriend right now. Talk to a professional first.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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