What do I do ?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I am 18, still living with the parents. I met this woman online from a virtual world video game. We were just friends at first, and we connected. We have the same type of humor which is great. Well she is 21 years old, and lives over over 1,500 miles away from me. We have been talking to eachother almost everyday since when we met for almost a full year. We spoke for the first few weeks over the computer, but then it migrated to the telephone. We talk everynight, sometimes longer than others. She lieks to fall asleep with me on the phone.
We have both made it clear we don't want a regular relationship and would want to move onto more serious things eventually. That has just been said so we know we both are looking for the same things with time. Anyways, she has been having second thoughts about a lot of things. She wanted to come visit for a week or two around June, and thats where we were at, not sure where to go after that. I wanted to see if things were just as good in person as they were on the phone.
Well, now things have gotten complicated for her and myself. Recently she has been purposely trying to push me away slowly because she thinks she is saving me from a big mess. I have told her numerous times I know what I want, and I know what makes me happy, and that she shouldn't make that decision for me. I'm trying hard to convince her to believe in how serious I am, and how bad I want to make things work out. She just seems confused and not sure what to do or how to handle things anymore. She has told me she loved me, but she has carved in her mind that she would be saving me by her slowly pushing me away until eventually we don't talk again. I told her that isn't what I want to happen at all.
She has always been self conscious, since I've known her. Constantly saying how she is ugly and she is overweight. I am constantly the one to disagree with her and tell her the opposite. So it didn't completely shock me that she is here trying to "save me" from this mess.
I'd love your opinion on what you think of all of this, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
RomanceClass.com Advice
If she thinks she is ugly and fat then she is probably afraid of meeting you.
I assume you have seen her in photos etc. and you are happy with her as you said. Keep telling her that. Show her photos to some friends and see how they respond. Then tell her... that will make her feel better.
She may also be unsure about meeting your parents. She is a bit older than you after all. Maybe your parents are afraid she will mess up your plans for life. Is she comfortable with your life plans or does she feel like your plans have no place for her?
Think real hard about how she is feeling... think beyond the obvious which is the excuse she is giving.
Good luck! George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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