I ve cheat and i feel horrible now

i ve this bf for 8 months, in this eight months, v break off many times and back together..it is ridiculous...
1st time break off because he doubt on the things that i told him. And he did not ask me about his doubt and just wan to break off with me. I've to ask him very hard to find out what happening.He said he is doubt on my pass. So i let him ask evrythings wat he need to know.
2nd times is in my birthday, he is doubt on what i am saying the day b4, i was working late that day, the next day he ask me wat time i ve gone back, i told him i reach home around 12pm. But i am not so sure the actual time. I said he call my office around 10.30pm and my manager told him i am back. How come i took 2 hours to reach home? I told him if my office back to my house without Traffic Jam is 40 minutes (i am driving) But there is an accident that day, so i reached home late. Then he said i am saying things not accurate and he does not wan to be with me.
3rd times for breaking up is, i found out he has a strange sms in his handphone. I did no say anything and sending a message to all his female fren " I am with my girlfren" and he find out..and he is mad on this, n break off with me. This time, i think, ok enough..i am suffer..So i decide to take sometime off, so i went to oversea working for few days. I let my family know i will be there for 3 days. Tot be coming back on Sunday. But i did not and i did not manage to let my family know about it. My mom was so worry and call him up to find out. When the time i come back. He sms with with a angry phares..(Saying i am not reaponsibilities..and my parent is loong for me) I did not reply him immediately, but i create a story...saying my colleague have an accident and it delay our trip, and he shut up. (I create story to him) after two days, he want me back. and we been toghether again.
I lied to him when v just start our relationship that previously my company provide hostel for staff to stay and actaully that time i was staying with my ex. I do not want to let him know coz i do not wish to hurt him since he was so sensitive. Last he find out both lie...in this both lie content a lot of small lie.
I have said sorry to him and admit my fault but its all too late. He said it was hurt and i abuse his trust. Even he is with me now, but he cant sleep every night and have to drink beer evrynight.HE is not Happy..But i love him and he love me as well..the problem is we cant back to the start point..I am trying very hard to gain back his trust..but it seem useless for now...I just do not know what to do anymore








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