Hi, my brother got help on the site so I thought I'd try too. Lots of interesting stuff here!

I have a good friend who is not fond of gossip or games at all. Someone of our mutual acquaintance has taken an interest in him, and has started asking for personal details. He asked me point blank if my friend was straight or gay. I was taken aback, and simply said I'm not comfortable discussing my friends' personal business with others. A few weeks later he started asking where my friend lived, does he have a partner or spouse, does he have a family, etc. I simply repeated that I don't discuss personal matters behind other's back. This person then made a suggestion that he and my friend had an "encounter" if you see what I mean.

My worry is, should I tell my friend what was said? I feel sure that nothing happened between them (not that it matters but it wasn't right for this person to say that to me,) and when I pushed this guy for more info (knowing he's a gossip, I pretended to be interested) he played coy but eventually said he was only kidding. I don't know if this person would say that to anyone else, but who knows? He makes me nervous.

My friend is in a position of respect and responsibility, and true or not, this is not the sort of thing he'd want to get around. He and I are pretty friendly and have confided some things in each other, but haven't known each other too long. There is no romance between us, but I once asked him out ages ago, and I wouldn't want him to question my motives...because I respect him as a friend and have no hidden agendas, I just enjoy our friendship.

I don't like being in the middle of a gossip triangle, but I think I would want to know. I emailed my friend and said I needed to talk to him about something, but I'm not sure what to say. I detest gossip, but I feel he has a right to know, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

I should say, the gossiper is friends with a casual friend of mine, and I wouldn't want Mr Gossip spreading lies about me in retaliation, or to get my other friend on the wrong side.

Any suggestions? I can't back out of telling him as I've already sent an email saying I needed to speak to him privately about something. I just don't want the whole thing to blow up in my face! Do I do it as just an FYI kind of thing?

Thanks!
Samantha (SlobberingSam)

WOW! Thats tough... i guess you should just tell him. Cause he's
your friend, Right?

Hi Samantha & welcome.

First of all, I think you were absolutely right to say that you don't discuss personal matters behind the backs of others.

And I think that you are probably right to tell your friend that this person has been talking / asking about him.

After all, he didn't ask you not to and you didn't say that you wouldn't.

You don't even have to say anything negative about him ~ just that he has been asking questions & seems very interested in your friend; that you didn't answer them, because you don't discuss the private business of others; but that you just think that he should know.

If you don't pass judgements, then they cannot backfire onto you. Just give the facts.

Good luck.