Is it really possible to love/be in love with somebody without thinking, at any given point through a day, about how much you love that person how excited youd be to live under the same roof as that person etc.?

When Love is real and when love is new it is probably on your mind every other thought. When you get busy with life and work then your mind will dwell on other things for longer periods of time. It is a force like no other that can take you to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. The trick is to treasure it and preserve it so that it always feels as if it is new. It makes the poorest of men feel rich if they have it and the richest of men feel poor if they don't.

VERY well said joandboys

thank you for your reply. i ask because my bf whom ive been with for 2 yrs i got into a fight with tonight, and i told him every day i think about how much i love him, and asked him if he did the same. he told me he doesnt ever think about how much he loves me, and it bothers me because i was raised to believe that if you love somebody truly then youd think about your love for that person atleast once through the day. instead i got this response: "i wonder what you are doing" ... anyone can wonder what someone does

Sometimes guys are in way over their heads when they try to talk about feelings. Some are better at expressing themselves than others. You mentioned that you had a fight tonight, so maybe this wasn't the best time to get a clear and concise answer about what he thinks about. He could have been expressing the same basic feeling just in different words. (Guy words)Perhaps he was feeling vulnerable and felt if he conceded that he thinks about how much he loves you during the day that he would somehow be more vulnerable. Having said that, on the flip side, maybe you should listen very carefully to what he does say. You have been with him two years and have a lot of love invested in the relationship. It sounds like you want to know that he loves you also. Yes that would certainly include thinking about how much he loves you once in a while if not daily and is a reasonable thing for you to want to know.

Indeed the brains of boys and girls work differently.

And a lot depends on what else is on your mind.

Think of it this way ~ you can love your parents, kids, partner, siblings, friends, pets ~ and you can love them wholeheartedly and all the time, but does that mean that you are thinking about them all the time?

If you stopped thinking about them for a while, does it mean that you have stopped loving them?

I agree that in the early stages of young love, girls and boys tend to think about their partners a lot, so you do want to be reassured that he loves you, but as long as he does, try not to pressure him into being someone he isn't.

he used to be all about me, he would tell me he missed me, tell me how much i changed him and how much he appreciated me. i rarely hear it now, and some times i feel like its a burden for him to tell me once in a while how he feels about me. when i tell him every day that i love him, before he goes to bed, it sometimes feels like hes reluctant to say it and it makes me feel like he doesnt care. some times words to me mean more than actions, anybody can do something for someone, but when that someone grabs you and looks deeply, lovingly, into your eyes and tells you that they love you before they embrace you and kiss you, that means so much more

Men and women think very differently. Some guys feel things but have a difficult time expressing it. You say that he has expressed his feeling in the past so that doesn't seem to be the problem. I do sense that you may be concerned that he doesn't feel the same just because he is not expressing those feelings like he used to. Perhaps he feels a little pressured to express the feelings when you expect him too. Try relaxing a little and waiting until he expresses himself before you do. You know you love him and he knows you love him. Perhaps he needs to express it when it is his idea and not at moments when he feels it is expected. I remember when I used to kiss my husband goodnight, he started kissing me exactly three times. I began to realize that the third kiss was because he was getting into a habit. It bothered me that the kiss goodnight was beginning to be something he automatically did three times without thinking. I started refusing to kiss him the third time. My reason, I simply didn't want a kiss from him to be out of habit. I wanted spontanaity. I would have settled for one or four but not three, because I knew he wasn't even thinking when he did it. He was just doing what he had gotten used to doing. I know it is silly but it was important to me. Maybe there is something important to your boyfriend and he hasn't expressed it to you yet.

im not sure.. he hasnt on his own told me his feelings for me in over 5 months and some times it makes me feel like im not good enough for him. i asked him tonight if i was good enough for him, i got "you are", but i want to be told that he needs me and wants me. its hard for me to not hear from him how he feels for me because i feel unwanted. i cant remember the last time he said that i was sexy. also he started working at a new place in october.. i called his work and when i said who i was, this girl who picked up the phone stopped being all "giggly" when i said i was his girlfriend.. he never once mentioned he had a girlfriend at his job or talked about something nice i did for him or anything.. his previous job he talked about me non stop like he was proud, my concern this time with the action of that girl bothered me real bad. it isnt him that i dont trust, its other females who dont know their place in his presence that bother me, and when i try to explain it to him he doesnt understand, he keeps thinking that i dont trust him. i trust him with my life and beyond, i just dont trust the actions of some other girl and when its not right for her to be all cutesy around him. its disrespectful to me for a female to be like that to him and its disrespectful to him too, if they continue after he tells them, and its especially not proper if they are doing it in the workplace either.

also... heres a scenario: some 26 y/o girl goes out of her way to look my BF up on myspace and sends him a comment asking him if he heard about the HR issue. am i wrong to say that because it isnt his dept and that it doesnt concern him whatsoever since it has nothing to do with him, that she is out of line to go find him just to ask him about it, outside of work? i personally dont think that she absolutely needed to go find him and ask him about it when she could have waited til the next time he came into work to ask him about it. the issue or whatever, didnt have any single solitary thing to do with him, his position, or his functioning ability at work. i dont see it as being a "good" reason to go search him out to tell him about it outside of work. am i wrong to judge that?

Hi zyl


So, you are keeping a record of this?
It must be bothering you a lot.
He may not realise this and may feel pressured by you to keep confirming that he loves you.
Or, I suppose, it is possible that he is having doubts about the relationship.

Just 'you are'?
It does sound a bit limited, but, again, I wonder if it's lack of interest on his part or that he feels pressured.


Of course you do ~ and if your boyfriend isn't reassuring you in this way, then I can understand how you feel ~ but he may not understand.
Or he may be having doubts.



Well, girls and boys flirt in the workplace. It doesn't have to mean anything serious.

Again, this may be nothing. He may just want to keep his private life private this time.
Or there may be more to it.

If you find him attractive, then other girls will too.
That's life.
I don't think that you can expect girls to ignore him just because he has a girlfriend.
And provided he is trustworthy ~ and you say that you trust him ~ there shouldn't be a problem



Maybe she thought that the issue did relate to him.
Or maybe she likes him and was just sounding him out ~ especially if she didn't know he had a girlfriend.
I don't really think that you can blame her for that~ and it certainly isn't his fault.
It would be different if she kept pursuing him.

It strikes me that you are concerned as to whether your boyfriend still loves you, or even still finds you attractive. Consequently, you are very wary about the girls he works with.

I would usually say that you need to talk to him about this, but it sounds as if talking to him just makes him feel pressured, or irritated, or makes him think that you don't trust him, so, although I still think that open communication is the way to go, I think that you need to go about this very carefully.

I think that you need to speak to him when neither of you is feeling down, or annoyed, or tired, or in any way 'negative'.

I think that you need to acknowledge, to him, that you understand that he may sometimes feel pressured by your questions about love and trust, but that there are important reasons for your questions and you need to sort them out, objectively.

You need to tell him that you do not want to pressure him, but that you require spoken reassurance of his love, and of the fact that he still finds you attractive ~ without you having to ask. You should acknowledge the fact that, when asked, he did confirm that you were 'good enough' for him, but that it didn't carry as much conviction as you had hoped for.

You should assure him that you do trust him, but that you are feeling so unsure of your place in his life, that it is making you feel jealous of, or irritated by, the relationships he has with the girls he now works with.

You should ask him if there is anything about the relationship that is bothering him and that needs to be sorted out.

You should perhaps get it out in the open exactly how he does feel about you and about your relationship.
Is it what he wants?
Is he having doubts?

Is there anything about you or your behaviour that worries or bother him?

These are just my thoughts on the situation ~ you should, obviously, do what you think is right for both of you.

Good luck!

the only thing i can say at the moment, since i just woke up, is that 26 y/o is married. im sry i may be sounding pretty bad but if i was married i wouldnt go seek out some other guy to tell them something that has nothing to do with them that can wait til the next day at work. the issue didnt actually have to do with him, she was spreading the information on the drama, you know... gossiping. he works for "Firedog" for Circuit City doing home PC installs and some PC repairs in store, and this issue happened with HR with a person who was in the TV department, whom he didnt even know. i just dont see "gossiping" as an excuse to talk about work related drama outside of work and to seek someone out on the PC and bother them with it when they arent even working. when i used to work for best buy, people tried to do that all the time to me, and working there for 4 years i heard enough drama and i always tried to keep it in the store. i STILL hear about drama from that place and i havent worked there in over 2 years.. he worked retail several times before this and id at least thought that it would have been a not ok thing to talk about outside of work when it has nothing to do with his life.

He had ther choice to reply showing interest, to reply saying that he wasn't interested, or to ignore it completely. These things happen.

If she is not interested in him, then it shouldn't matter.

If she is interested in him, married or not, then it only matters if he is interested too.