Women who stand by constant cheaters always intrigue me -

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/01/26/elin.tiger.hopes.salvage.ppl/index.html?hpt=Sbin

Let's put aside money for the minute and assume that she was independently wealthy. So it's just about the cheating.

If your partner cheated, cheated, and cheated some more - very publicly so the whole world knew about it - what do you think you would do?

John Edwards and his wife have separated. His wife has recurring cancer, and it turns out John got his mistress pregnant -

http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/01/27/edwards.split/index.html?hpt=T2

How much do you feel her health was harmed by everything her husband was doing? Could it have affected how she was able to fight off the cancer?

I think you mean Elin!
Cheating is a deal breaker for me whether it is public or not.
Real love in my opinion involves trust and respect for yourself and your partner. Lust is a feeling that comes and goes and it is natural to find others attractive, but one can decide not to act on a passing feeling.
When you get married you commit yourself to another and the relationship for life. If something changes you should be mature and respectable enough to get a divorce BEFORE acting on lustful feelings.
I'm so disgusted about all these men and how they disgrace themselves, their partners, their families. Parents need to start raising their little boys to be men (and to keep it in their pants a/o use protection )!
ETA: I do not understand the women who stick by cheating men. Do they have low self-esteem and not respect themselves? How can you love, trust, respect someone who does that to you? I could not.

Oh thank you, I've fixed the typo!

One rationale women use is that "everybody makes a mistake". Maybe the guy was being chased and chased by an attractive woman and he finally gave in in a moment of weakness.

Sort of like if you know you shouldn't eat that piece of chocolate cake but someone keeps offering it to you, and offering it to you, and puts it on a plate in front of you and hands you a fork - and maybe you then give in and take a bite.

If for example you have a 20 year marriage and have built your entire life with a person, it can be tempting to think "it was a one time mistake, and it was all "her" doing, and it can never happen again."

The problem is that unless the cheating partner makes a commitment (and changes), it probably will happen again - and probably is continuing to happen even then.

Most of the character deficiency lies within the cheater - that he or she could not understand the importance (to the partner & to self) of commitment and loyalty AND that he or she could not see that there must be problems within the marriage itself that need resolving.

Some of the cheaters (not all) think that they "really" love their spouses/signifcant others, and that the sexual encounters don't really affect their relationships. Then, when the situation blows up (as it usually does), they "feel" heartbroken and adrift, and say they realize how important was the relationship with the partner and the family that may have come from that relationship. But you have to wonder if the person just liked the "normalcy" of having a "family" but didn't truly know what love was.

Those of us who do know wouldn't want to taint that, no matter how tempting. Since I've met Marge, I can and do have friends who are women. They know that I am not "looking" for something else.

To add in a new thought, there are some couples who are very happily "open" and treat sex as a fun activity, like they would go skiing. So for those couples, sex with others is not a problem at all. But the difference is that they openly have the arrangement and do not hide anything from each other. It is the lying and breaking of a promise that is the core part of the cheating. To me if a husband was sneaking off every night to be with another woman, and he spent all time snuggled with her but they didn't have sex it wouldn't be "OK".

Yes, that is so (about the "open" relationships). My wife doesn't believe in that.

I quite agree that is the issue of breaking of a promise (trust).

In addition, many men do feel that "only" sex does not mean love, nor that they love their partners less. But, in my opinion, "only" sex can not compare to sexual relations when there is true love involved.

And even if partners do not have the kind of love that bonds them together physically, emotionally and spiritually, partners can (and should, in my opinion) be truthful and faithful to their relationship. The love expressed can become a wonderful bond if worked at.

It truly does take two to tango. Hard to keep a meaningful dance going when one partner is running off the dance floor to dance with another - even if for just a few moments.

But as you say, if both (or all) partners like to participate in the conga, then that is their decision.

Since accepting atheism, I have come to this point. Or at least been thinking about it! Why is sex such a big deal afterall? Why do we make it what defines a relationship/marriage?

I don't understand it. I didn't marry my husband for the sex. It's great! But... well...actually I did. I was a Xtian, so we had to get married to do it. But all in all, not why I'm married to him now. Not why I love him and need him.

If he cheated on me? I'd ask why. The answer to that says everything. Why he did it, and why he didn't tell me. Although he doesn't share my beliefs and shares the Xtian sympatheticness of marriage, which is fine by me, he'd probably get more emotional over it than me.

Me? As long as he realizes what this marriage means, and can objectify his escapades with another woman, it's all good with me. As long as he didn't get AIDS!

I stayed married to someone who cheated for 20 years. It was not all bad; I am not the type of person to stay in a bad situation. As to the "why?" I don't know, except that I loved him dearly and believed that he loved me. It just finally got to the point that I didn't not want to deal with it anymore.

Here is the kicker - I offered an open marriage. His response was that he could not live with that. Interesting that he could not live with what I had been living with for years.

Yes Sarah he would get more emotional about it than you. There is a very good reason. If he cheats and causes a child with another woman you have no investment. If you get pregnant he will be responsible. It has a term that is as old as dirt. Cuckolded.

Ah, the plight of women. Our ovaries!

I know many people who were and are in open relationships. Here is the thing. You are supposed to be spending most of your time with your partner, strengthening those bonds. But say you go out every other night with Person Y and are having sex with them. You don't just climb into bed, have sex, and then leave. You hang out, drink wine, talk, snuggle. All of those "bond creating" activities. If you're having problems with your current partner, Person Y becomes a shoulder to lean on.

So it is extremely hard for that NOT to create a wedge in the primary relationship.

Look at the song "Layla".