Awhile ago i came here seeking help as i had cheated on my girl

I took your advice and we gave it another crack.

Lately i've had a growing anger problem, smashing things yelling, losing control of myself.

Myself and my girlfriend were on a break she asked me to pick her up while she waited for her mum to come get her anyway everything was fine then she started mentioning these bad things i've done i just lost it. i threw a bottle at the wall and smashed it put a hole in my wall, i think i really scared her, now she has said i have no chance of ever getting her back it kills me everytime she says it but i've told myself im not going to give up.

I've come to ask,

When should you relise its over and give up?

Right now i am cutting out 567 hearts after i draw them each one im going to write on a reason i love her, for each day we have been together and hand them to her is this a good idea bad idea?

What possible outcomes could there be of this?

Thank you
Shayne.

Hi Shayne.

I found your other thread:
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthread...4265#Post324265

Do you think that your current anger problem is related to your previous problem, or is it a separate matter?

You said 'she started mentioning these bad things i've done i just lost it. i threw a bottle at the wall and smashed it put a hole in my wall' ~ so this sounds as if it might be related to the trust over the kiss matter.

However, you say 'bad things'. Were there other 'things' you did, that she disapproved of?

You also say: 'Lately i've had a growing anger problem, smashing things yelling, losing control of myself' ~ which seems to indicate that there was more than one incident.

Cutting out hearts and considering how much your girl means to you may well be good therapy, but it's not going to change what you have done, or explain the 'growing anger problem, smashing things yelling, losing control of myself'.

How would you feel if one of your friends kept losing his temper until he smashed things?

How would you feel if your Mum or sister, for example, said that she had been out with a friend who had suddenly become angry and started smashing bottles?

I'm guessing that you would be concerned.

It's not surprising that this girl feels concerned. As you say, you 'really scared her'.

We all lose our patience and become angry at times, but smashing bottles & scaring your girlfriend is not something that you will want to do again ~ and you will want to know why this is happening to you.

I'd say that you may need help with anger management.

Is there someone you can talk to about this ~ your parents, perhaps?

Could you get counselling to help you sort yourself out?
Maybe it's hormonal.
Maybe you have been through something, that you need to talk through, until these extreme emotions can be brought under control.

Good luck and try to get some help with this.
Otherwise it could cause problems ~ for you and others.

I am going to under go a counselling session about my anger problems this week sometime its something i really want to fix not just for myself but for her aswell if i do manage to get her back.

Yes i think that my anger problem is due to the incident of my eye and what has happened to me since then.

I think it does have alot to do with the trust thing i've tried really hard to continue making it up to her and proving i can be the boy i used to be, she has said numerous times she deserves better etc.

There has been a few previous times where i have smashed something or hurt myself rather badly(Physically)
I did calm down alot for awhile but problems crepted up and i just have been exploding lately.

I guess in more of a way the hearts and what else im doing is more of a way of saying sorry then getting her back as much as i want her back i can't change her mind for her but i can try to show that i can be what she always wanted me to be.

Hi

I think that you are being very wise and mature to go for counselling. Well done!

I really think that it's as well not to even think about other matters until you have got this sorted out.

It would probably be a good idea, though, just to let this girl know tht you are aware of the problem and that you are doing something about it.

Perhaps you could send her a brief letter of apology and explain what you have decided to do.

If she, too, agrees that you are being positive and mature about this, then, who knows, she might take you back, after all.

However, before you can really do anything about this, you need to sort your issues out.

Good luck!

First thing is first is dealing with my anger problems,

Im scared that if i do that first it will be too late to get her back as maybe she would have moved on by the time i have comepleted my counselling.

So therefore it has left me very confused to what i should do.

Yes, that's why I thought it might just be a good idea to at least put her in the picture.

An apology, together with a note about anger management counselling, might possibly go in your favour, while you are getting on with sorting it out.

Good luck!

I'm not a therapist, but my hubby used to have a friend that is bipoler. He acted just like the actions you described. I'm not judging and there is nothing wrong w/ this. If it is bipoler, then it is a disorder (a chemical imbalance) that can be corrected w/ medication and counseling. My hubby's friend learned coping mechanisms when he was angry. Things like hitting a pillow, carving wood vigorously, and other things that would get the energy out. Ask the psycologist about taking a test. I hope that you feel better soon.

I would like to thank you for your help.

i will keep you updated on how things with the counselling and my girl go.

When i decide the time is right to go see her i will try and convince her just to stay in the picture so i can prove it to her.

Thanks =)

You mentioned you were assaulted before and lost your eye. That was a very traumatic and deeply disturbing thing to happen to you. Many people like myself have experienced violent beatings that were undeserved and later suffer from "Post traumatic stress" I personally, could not get the images out of my mind and began to cry uncontrollably after weeks of thinking about it. It often makes the person suffering from it experience anger and rage and feelings of guilt and helplessness over the violence that was perpetrated on them. I keep hearing you say that you want to prove something to your girlfriend. I know that she matters a great deal to you, but you matter to you also. I believe you are suffering from post traumatic stress and counseling that will be ongoing for a while is the best thing you can do. As PDM said, letting your girlfriend in on what is happening will allow her to understand that it is not your fault and there is help. Understanding what is happening to you is half the battle. It will take a while to heal, but you need to make that your priority, as PDM said. It will not go away on it's own. You have been hurt emotionally by this trauma and you can overcome it with help. It also takes caring and friendship to convince you that you did not deserve what happened to you.

Yes, Jo, you are right.
I should have thought of that, too.
There might be a lot of pent-up anger, fear, grief, distress, frustration, etc, that couldn't release itself, before, and which is now demanding to be set free ~ like steam in a boiling kettle.

Shayne, with help from a counsellor, you should be able to rid yourself of these negative feelings and lay them to rest.

Take care!

I am under going a counselling session tomorrow after noon which will help me.

Today i gave her the hearts she was very shocked, it kinda annoyed her i think, She had no idea what i was doing.

I guess it surprised her alot, being the reason it annoyed her.

Let's see what tomorrow brings, then.
Hopefully you will feel better after your 'therapy'.

I am getting counselling this afternoon its my first session =)

I gave the hearts to my girl, she seemed very shocked got a bit upset / angry i guess thats just from being surprised.

But she is opening up to me alot more now.

Didnt mean to write the same thing twice my bad lol.

Not exactly the same!
This bit is more promising!

I had my counselling session it went really great, i feel alot better since i have another on monday!

I spent last night and today with her, we both had a really good time hanging out just doing stuff together! So we are going to hang out again sometime!

That sounds very promising, Shayne.

I'm really pleased for you.

I hope that things continue to go well

Good luck!!