[I'm only 14]
Okay, basically I'm living with my friend, his name is Jason (He's Bi-Polar). My mother kicked me out my house. He has a girlfriend (Yeah, we're secretly dating) but we have sex often. I wanna stop but I'm afraid he won't take it well. this is what basically happened between us the past year.
We met, became friends, nothing that big.
I found out I was pregnant.(But I was a virgin, or at least thought I was.)
Didn't tell anyone I was pregnant.
Me and him started becoming more like a couple, we didn't date but me would just kiss each other and stuff.
I told everyone I was pregnant. (When I was 3 months)
Jason told me he raped me. (He spiked my drink or something)
Had the babies Dec. 21. (Yes, twins)
I ave the twins to him about a 2 months ago, just till I'm ready to take care of them. (I just can't take care of them--he can.)
My mother kicked me out of my house for doing "stuff".
Moved in with him.
Started having sex.
Wanna go live with someone else. It's just weird living with him. He's only 16, his parents live in Paris, he lives with his 19-Year-Old sister.
So... Any advice?
Oh dear Rebecka, you do need to sort some things out and at 14 I think you are going to need some help.
I have a daughter and other young relatives around your age and (I know at your age you may not want to hear this) really you are still just a child ~ an older child, verging on womanhood ~ and a mother ~ but still a child.
I feel that childen need their mothers - especially teenage girls ~ so I do feel that it is sad if your Mum made you leave home. However ~ something kids find hard to understand ~ parents are just human; just children grown older. They are not perfect and they cannot always cope with everything their own children throw at them.
The fact that you are asking for advice tells me that you want to be responsible and to do the right thing.
I don't know what you mean by doing "stuff", but if it was negative and causing a rift with your mother, then I hope you have stopped doing it ~ especially now that you are a mother, yourself.
I am going to make a few comments & pose a few questions to help you to think about what is and has been going on in your life:
Does your Mum know about the babies?
Were you still at home when you gave birth?
Does she see them?
Are you in touch with her?
Was she supportive of you before this?
Now to your 'relationship' with your 'friend' Jason.
You saw him as a friend.
You thought you were a virgin, but discovered that you were pregnant. That must have been a shock!
He told you that he had spiked your drink, in order to have sex with you without your consent ~ and even told you that it was rape??
He has a girlfriend but you feel obligated to have sex with him on a regular basis ~ or did you mean that you were his girlfriend?
He has your twins because you feel that he can care for them better than you can.
Ok, ...
Why do you think that he can look after the children?
Or would it be his sister?
If you live with them, why can't you look after them?
Why are you having anything to do with a boy who you believe raped you and to whom you feel obligated to have sex?
You are a minor ~ legally you should not be having sex with anyone & morally you should not feel forced to have sex ~ especially if you feel violated by this person. Spiking a girl's drink to force sex on her is not the bahaviour of a friend.
Your body is yours ~ remember that!
No sex unless you decide that it is right for you!
You said 'I wanna stop but I'm afraid he won't take it well.'
What do you mean by 'I'm afraid he won't take it well'?
Are you actually 'afraid'?
How might he react?
Do you feel that you love him?
Do you believe that he loves you?
You may already be a Mum, but sex and pregnancy were not your choice. What happened to you was very, very wrong.
You do not have to continue to have sex!"
And do not allow yourself to become pregnant again.
Does your Mum know that you believed yourself to be a virgin when you found yourself pregnant?
Are you caring for yourself as a new young mother should?
Are their support agencies near you for teenage mums?
Is there any chance of building bridges with your Mum?
Does she know the full truth?
A raped 14-year-old daughter with twin babies really needs her Mum, if her mum is at all capable of helping her.
A 16 year old boy with health problems and a nature to force sex on a child is not the right person to be helping you, in my opinion. I do not know you, or him, or your Mum, so I do not really know the situation; I can only comment on what I have read.
Get some advice and help from an adult you can trust ~ really trust.
You are a Mum now. Look after yourself and your babies.
How are your children?
How do you feel about them?
You said that this boy raped you in a very matter-of-fact way - especially for a young virgin girl.
Have you reported it to the authorities, eg the police?
Have you told anyone?
Have you had counselling about it?
How do you feel about having been raped?
Do you feel abused and violated?
Do you remember it?
Do you actually feel as if you have been attacked?
You seem to just accept having sex ~ yet you are not happy about it.
How much does this bother you?
Again, do you feel violated?
do you feel afraid of him?
Or are you a willing partner at the time?
Or are you just numb to the whole business?
Could you have post-natal depression?
This boy may behave as he does because he has medical problems ~ but he cannot drug and rape girls.
This is disgraceful, unnacceptable & illegal behaviour!
At the very least he needs help.
And other girls need to be protected from this kind of behaviour - as you should have been protected from it.
Is anyone actually taking care of you?
In time, when you are mature enough to do so, you may fall in love with a young man who loves and respects you ~ you and your children.
What you have now is not a loving family relationship.
I can understand why you want to live somewhere else.
If the relationship with your Mum is one that can be rebuilt, I would recommend that you tell her everything, and try to make friends with her again. If you and your babies could go home and get the care that you all need, that could be the best thing.
You may all need some counselling if that is available.
Is there a doctor or nurse or similar agency who could support you?
You need help, support, advice and care.
Tell your Mum the whole story and ask for her support.
Hopefully you can work this out together.
I wish you a lot of luck.
Have pride in yourself and believe in yourself.
You can sort this out.
You have taken the first step by coming on here.
People in the USA will be able to help you better regarding helpful agencies.
I feel that it is a matter of great concern that you are still involved with a boy who admits to having raped you, and who still expects sex from you when you do not want this.
Apart from anything else, you are under age.
I do not know what this boy's behaviour is like and whether you might be fearful of his potential behaviour ~ are you worried about what he might do?
I feel concerned that this boy ~ only 16 himself and bahaving in this manner ~ is responsible for two tiny babies.
Please get some help.
If your Mum can't help, is there an aunt, a teacher, a social worker, perhaps?
Take care of yourself.
Keep positive!
Good luck!
Well, I certainly hope so after all the time and effort PDM put into her response. PDM, I can't begin to tell you how much I admire your caring and thoughtful responses to Rebecka. To be honest, I read her post the other day and was both stunned and overwhelmed -- didn't know where to start to respond to all of these issues...
Rebecka: I really hope you will think about PDM's questions. In particular I hope there is some adult somewhere that you trust enough to talk with and maybe she/he can help you get headed toward a good life for you and for your babies. I hope you can find a trustworthy adult who has your best interest at heart.
It is very sad that this young girl has had to go through so much, alone, and I admire her for coming on here to try to get advice, which might help here to sort things out.
I really wish her well and sincerely hope that she can get the help and support that she needs.
We have exchanged PMs.
Wonderful (re: exchanged PMs) -- very glad to hear that!
Hope everything's working to a better future for you and your kids!
Yes, Rebecka, let us know how you are getting on!
Wow! I cannot possibly imagine going through what you are going through right now hun! I'm almost 19 years old, still a virgin, and in a serious relationship with my boyfriend. I want you to know here and now, that I will be here if you need me.
1. Have you been tested for STDs/AIDs?
2. Are the babies safe?
3. Have you been using protection?
4. Do you trust his sister?
If you answered yes to #4 my advice is to talk to her. If you don't want to talk to your mom, talk to his sister. She may be able to help.
Other people that can help:
aunts
older cousins
grandparents
guidance counselours
teachers
pastors/reverands
youth pastors/ CCD teachers
nurses
me!
No one, and I mean no one should have to go through what you are going through right now.
I suggest you go to a local hospital or clinic. Ask to speak to a nurse (in private). Tell her (ask for a female nurse, you'll feel more comfortable) everything and anything that is going on, go into detail. Ask her for help. She will be able to provide you with tests that you should take, phone numbers that you can use, and possibly a safer place for you (and maybe your children if you so choose).
your to be respected for coming forward wha a brave thing to do.but in the process you might have helped another young female from going through what you have.may God bless you and your twins and make the way easier for you.me He place people in your path to give you good guideence.PMD congrats on being so caring and taaking the time to help her.there are so many young girs and they are youn girls not women getting into this type of situation I don't envy them,theirm is a had road.listen up young females and women this can happen to any female who doesn't look out for herself.with everything out there please be very careful.