I have been engaged for 2 years now and have a daughter with my fiancee. I love him and i have done everything for him. he is my heart and soul.
well he crushed me. for 2 weeks my fiancee has been lying to me and telling me he's been going out with friends when he was actually going out with his ex! the night he was caught, he told me he was going out with his friend, but i found it wierd that he got a shower, put on cologne, and brushed his teeth, so i hacked..i'm just like my father. i hacked into his email and found the love letters he was writing her and what she wrote back...she actually wanted to stay at my house in my bed while i wasn't here! he took our daughter down to meet her!
well we almost broke up over that (the bags were packed and in the car!) but he convinced me to stay...he was on his knees!
i guess that doesn't matter and i hacked again...he're he changed his password to his email trying to keep me out (everything was deleted anyway), and i hacked into his myspace account, and he was messaging her! i couldn't read them tho bc the messages were 'sorry' for the subject and 'read your email' for the body...so i don't know what he wrote! i called him out again but i can't believe a word he says (he says he was telling her to back off). should i just leave?? my heart is broken and it can't heal! i hate this!

Hello superstar.

That's a very sad tale.

Is it possible that he really was telling her to back off, because he realised that he had come close to losing you?

I should get some relationship counselling, if it's available. You both need to be sure of what you are doing ~ for both of your sakes and that of the little girl.

Good luck!

That is a sad story.
I definitely would not make any long term decisions in the middle of all the feelings you are surely experiencing. When you cool down a bit, I would sit and make a list of reasons to stay together and reasons to move on. You will also have to decide if you can trust him again... and that means that you have to be able to forgive, and he has to really be trustworthy. I don't know if you can do that or not - but that is essential for a successful future together. The fact that you have a child together complicates the issue - but I would not stay with him for that reason alone, because it is not enough to make the relationship last. However with a child involved, I would try to see if there are enough reasons to make it work, since the decision will impact her too. But in the long run, the child will be happiest if the parents are happiest, together or separate. The issue of trust is also a 2 way street - since he apparently does not trust you either since he changed all his e-mail passwords, etc. You will really have to explore these trust issues - and see what is repairable and what is not.
By the way, there are men who would not cheat on you.

Indeed, though I am only 16, I understand these situations. Let your mind go straight, then calmly decide what to do. It's important to calm down so your anger doesn't make a decision your mind hasn't met yet.

I'm sorry this happened.
I have never come to this type of situation before, so this is all the info I can offer you.

God bless you.

You've received good counsel, Superstar, IMO.

Victor, I was very impressed with what you had to say. Earlier in the day befoe PDM and you posted, I started to post, but because I was having a fairly poor impression of Superstar's fiance, I decided to say nothing. In my past, I have offered counsel that was fairer, but this time I believe I would have been intemperate, and thus unwise.

Superstar, I agree with Victor. Cheating and lying is not the rule - among men or women.

I cannot say any pretty words to try to cover the hurt that you feel. But that very hurt and your willingness to speak of it here rather than let it fester in your heart are only the beginning of the grieving process. YOU may grieve, but peace will come.

I once prayed for restoration of a relationship, and beyond that - for my heart to not grow hard, but to be able to love and be loved again. The first did not happen, but the second did.

All of us send you and your daughter hugs.

in my opinion, i would leave until he shows you proof of wht he says is true. like him going onto his emal in front of you, showing evidence of names #s nd messages,dates subjects etc. that is what i would do...

Superstar.

Relationships need to be based on trust as well as love. You need to learn to trust each other, I think, if this is going to work.

I don't really think that a board like this can really give you the help that you need. That's why I suggested counselling ~ but you need to be sure that you are getting a good copnsellor.

Here in the UK, we have 'Relate' ~ it used to be the Marriage Guidance Counselling service (they changed it to 'Relate' because not all relationship counselling involved married couples.)

Victor is right that there are many men who are reliable and supportive and would not cheat on you, but I think that there are also a number of men, who find commitment and responsibility very frightening ~ especially if they are quite young.

I just want to say that I don't think that you should be hacking on to your husband's email and myspace account.

Superstar,

A person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. When you enter into a marriage, there are no secrets. Privacy is not the same thing as secrets. And he is being secretive. If not, why change the e-mail password. He betrayed your trust. Now that trust needs to be earned back. And he's not doing a very good job at earning your trust back.

If he is this secretive before you get married & he will not do anything to become trustworthy again, then marrying him should be out of the question. If the problem isn't dealt with now, it will only get worse once you're married.

He needs to show you that e-mail that was sent about not contacting him again. He is still trying to keep this going, I'm afraid. I pray that's not the case, but it really sounds like it.

Brittany,

This is exactly what he must do. He needs to earn that trust back.