Ok this is really confusing yet so deep at the same time.

I grew up with this guy who not only had(has) a crush on me, but I also had (have) a crush on him. Yes, we both liked each other and never said anything to one another. What is funny is that we both got married and had family's, are in unhappy situations and both afraid of being alone. We also were looking for each other at the same time!!!

The confusing part is, I fell in love with him and I am scared of getting hurt once again. Yes he does state he loves me as well. It's just I have been hurt so many times, my guard is up HIGH, and my heart is dangling on a string. Yes, we are both still married, we have NOT been physical at all. Just our emotions are going wild. We have thought about the physical part numerous times though. It's just sometimes I feel like maybe he doesn't care for me as much as I do for him. I tend to contact him more than he does me.

How can I find out if he's for real??

Welcome to the forum. Can I ask how old and how many children you have. There is so much more at stake here than just your emotions. I would really have to give this some thought to respond. Actually you can't find out if he is for real.

Are you ready to throw your whole life into termoil to find out.

My kids are both grown. (I started young.) I'm now 39. He's 38. Like I said, we both are in unhappy situations. Would rather not get into details here on the forum. His daughter and only child is 13. I'm just very confused here.

I agree with BLR. Are you truly willing to risk everything that you have now for this one chance that he may or may not be 'real'?

I think you have a variety of questions to ask yourself before you take the plunge.

Hi TearsInHvn

Yes, a difficult one.

It may be that he seems great just now, because you are unhappy in your marriage ~ the grass is always greener on the other side ~ or it might be that he was, and still is, your soul mate and that you should end your unsuccessful marriage and start afresh with him.

But, really, how well do you know him?
You knew him when you were kids, but, presumably, you haven't been involved with each other in the meantime, when you were bringing up children?
Do you know why he is unhappy with his wife?
Do you know if he is a good husband and father?
Do you know that he would make a good partner to you?
Maybe the same things would go wrong again ~ who can say?

You say that you are in an unhappy situation.
Have you done anything about that?
Have you tried to heal your marriage?
Or, if it is beyond salvation, have you discussed separation or divorce?
Would you be considering leaving your husband, if this man had not come into your life?

Your children are grown up, but his daughter is only 13.
Are he and his wife considering divorce?
Would he be willing to leave his family ~ including this young girl ~ for you?

Is this real, or is it just a dream romance?

You need to give this whole situation a lot of thought.

For each of you there are at least two issues ~
~ Do you want to leave your partner?
~ Do you want to start a new relationship with each other?

At your age, you have time to start over and have a great life together ~ but it won't be without complications, because you both already have families.

I don't know how you can tell whether this would be a forever thing for him. How would you even know that it could be a forever thing for you?

Maybe he is reticent about phoning you, because both you and he are already married to other people and have families. I think a lot of people would be wary in those circumstances.

Would both of your spouses agree that the marriages were 'unhappy'?

Perhaps you should decide, first, whether or not your marriage is over, and whether you could go it alone, if this new 'relationship' doesn't work out.

Good luck

You said the both of you are afraid of being alone. Please consider very carefully this aspect.

"Perhaps you should decide, first, whether or not your marriage is over, and whether you could go it alone, if this new 'relationship' doesn't work out."

Well... after keeping my distance and scoping things out. I found that he's basically a liar! So i'm glad my guard was on HIGH! Thanks for all your input. It helped out on keeping me at a distance!!

Tears

I am sorry that you have been let down by this man.

It's a shame that we sometimes have to be on our guard against people whom we feel tht we should be able to trust ~ but sadly, that's life.

Maybe this has given you the opportunity, though, to sort out your marriage.

If it is making you unhappy, then, chances are, your husband isn't too happy either.
Can you rekindle your love?
Can you talk things over?
Can you give each other a chance?
Or is it over?

Some things for you to consider

Good luck

I feel deeply for you in this situation and I understand how you are looking for that someone that makes you feel alive agian .

If you dont feel like he is as in love with you as you are with him and you continue to doubt than he is not. But if you start to feel its real make sure you are comfortable with making this big change and he is as well so you dont end up holding a secret blame on each other. If you truly are unhappy is all aspects and he is as well and you make each other you need to do what makes you happy! you are number one in your life remeber that

I think you can know his love to you during the period you spended with him , they years running i dont think he want to Wasting his years with some one he dont love 2 , and bouth have Children u need to think from the On the positive side Not be the negative with him that there is no sign of treason u cant do any think then and live your life and be happy and take the bad idea from u head and see what will happen
good luck

It is very good you found out the truth sooner rather than later.

It is almost always better for a person in a marriage to "settle that situation" first. I.e. don't assume the person you go jumping to will absolutely be your safety net. Make sure - even if you ended up alone - that you would be content with the choice to divorce. Make sure you have a real safety net in place (not just relying on the "other man"). That way you are not setting yourself up for disaster.

Your Words Are So Nice Lisa
i think you gonna help me in my problem that i posted in forum
sorry
about this problem
i think you asked your heart before
and it told you to love that person and marry him and gave you the courage to get children from him
now......you are so grown up
so....now you should ask your brain
and think alot
you wasted many for nothing
no problem to waste a little for yourself
noone can help you in that but you
look for the best thing for you
look for the thing wich will make you happy
i think you suffered alot
you don't need more...right ?
don't confuse yourself and be careful in choosing
bcs it will affect the rest of ur life i think

yours'
Mizo