Where Can I Find My Better Half

Posted by: bhv0028

Where Can I Find My Better Half - 04/15/11 09:53 AM

Love and relationships can have different meanings, since some people are in open relationships while others are in long-lasting relationships. When two people are in love they often go through life struggling together, loving together, and surviving together while continuing their journey in love. When a person is looking for a mate, they often look for compatible traits in another person believing that the compatibility will mean that the relationship will last a lifetime.
Posted by: bdalton

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 11/09/11 03:20 PM

I know that this is something that has been overused but love comes naturally and the more you stress yourself in finding it, the harder it will come by your way.

What I mean is, have fun and go out. But do not have the mindset that you are going to find love tonight but chances are, you would not. The reason why you probably have not found it yet is because you preempt things.
Posted by: PDM

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 11/10/11 12:30 AM

Welcome to the forum, bdalton smile
Posted by: jilly

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 11/11/11 09:13 PM

One thing I've found always helpful is to join clubs. if you are part of a group with certain interests, you have already found others who like what you like! With all the Meetup groups out there, and adult education classes, and volunteer opportunities, there are always fun groups to join.
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/12/12 04:47 PM

unlike poles attract each other and its a golden rule.
if a person finding a mate just like him or so called compatible partner then he never gonna make it long lasting .after certain period of time friction come in their thoughts and relationship burn away.
always person having opposite thoughts can workout on long lasting relationship and fulfill each other requirements which lead to perfect life
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/13/12 04:44 AM

unlike poles might attract, but it rarely works. not for the long run anyway. you have to have similar belief systems and likes. I might like to go out partying everynight, (I don't) but say my partner is a homebody (which he is) then how will that work. It wont'. conflict is in the differences. You don't have to be exactly alike, that would be boring, but having a common and similar base makes for a happy relationship.
And fun too! You can look at him and say "hey, I feel like that too!" You've just been validated.
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/14/12 08:09 PM

kathy ,,,,,it always works because two people works on any relationship to make their life perfect .an individual person is not perfect and he/she always have some kind of emptyness in life which he/she try to fulfill by means of other person.if both are same then they have common problems and who can solve their problems...which lead to breakup.for example consider me i m very short tempered and if my partner is also same like me then we get fight every second because no one understands each other problem so no one compromise .
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/14/12 08:53 PM

You are right...if you both like to fight, that's not good. You can work on that and find common ground. And you are right...no one is perfect. There is no 1 person for us.

I was talking about general similar morals...if you will...or likes and dislikes. Basic life goals should be similar.
Even 2 people who are very alike..1 can ruin the whole thing all on their own due to selfishness and deceit. 1 can be doing everything they can to "make it work" and 1 can just go out and do things they shouldn't and it will not work no matter what.

That's why you need common ground. Do you BOTH want things to work, or does 1 want to work at it while the other is "different" and has different ways and not care...maybe their idea is that if it's meant to be it will work and if not, oh well?
There is no saying it will work no matter what either. That's why 50% of us divorce. I have been there. I have finally found that person who is closer to my goals and me his. Took a lifetime to find him and him me...but there you go.
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/17/12 08:28 PM

kathy.....tell me what is common ground.in relationship.....???
90% divorce cases happen because people treat divorce as a tool to break relationship or separate.but how can a just piece of paper separate two people if they love each other.
there should be a love in relationship to workout from both side .
if two person love each other then there is no need of marriage and all the stuff.they can live together without any condition.
what we do now a days first we don't care about a person and just form relationships for so called fun but as the age increases people relies the importance of love in their life but here starts the game of luck because people goes blind and in hurry they always get wrong person because they don't wanna waste time in knowing a person .they just want relationship and specially girls do that thing.after breakup they cry and shout there is no true love.
for finding a right person for oneself takes time and sometimes many years but once u find then there is fun in life.
kathy a advice for u just check every guy on every parameter then make decision .....is he really deserves u because we should always examined the person before trust him .it really hurts when trust break
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/17/12 10:00 PM

You are correct..it hurts when trust is broken and it's so very hard to earn that back...if ever.
Not sure where you're coming from in what you say. Of course you should know a person before you get involved with them. That's where you determin "common ground" meaning the same values. I'm not talking about that butterfly feeling you get when you first meet someone. That is over and gone within the first year.
I don't think that people have to marry to have a relationship. But most want to. Their reasons might be that they want to be a wife/husband...or they want a family, or they just like the idea of it. Those are not good enough reasons by themselves, but are also not bad reasons either.

You sound young, I'm not sure.

Love doesn't go blind. love starts out blind. Then as you know a person over time, the blindness lifts. Then you see what you've got yourself into there you have your disenchantment. You are right, lots of girls are disenchanted and cry over "lost love" but was probably not REAL love to begin with, just the idea of love. But men do this too.

I'm not the expert here. I've made lots of mistakes in my choices. I only commented due to your comment about how opposites attract and I think they do too...they just don't really stick.
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/18/12 04:02 AM

its not about age instead its about feelings.every human has different experiences as we both have.
love never starts with blindness ....people wants to b blind bcuz it takes everything to find ur dream partner and once we find then we don't wanna look other side .love deserve blindness bcuz if u keep open ur eyes then u r not gonna make it.there is no point to put ur brain and logic in love .
everything has its positive and negative sides so love also have .if u get succeed in love then life is like song which u never wanna end it but if u don't get it then life is a living hell.so we have to take risk and risk is a second name of life . and for love its a very cheap price.
i respect girls bcuz they r better then guys in relationships but once a guy get serious in relationship then u can't imagine what a guy a can do .please don't give justification about urself . know u r mature.
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/18/12 07:19 PM

I think age has everything to do with it. With age comes experience. Lots of it. Too bad about that, but that's how it goes.
The only unconditional love (which I think you are thinking about) is that between parent and child. Every other kind is conditional and should be. You should never blindly put yourself through sometthing abusive are harmful to you in the name of "love". Of course, there are ups and downs and this is what you learn to do AFTER you have gone through the "in love" state, which you don't do if it doesn't make it long enough.
You sound like a nice person, I hope the best comes your way, but you have a lot to learn as we all do.
Never heard that Risk is the second name of love. I thought sacrifice was.
Risk would be the second name of life
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/18/12 11:23 PM

explain me what is sacrifice.in love ...???
as much i learn love is always unconditional but sacrifice is conditional.the defination of sacrifice is different for every person .consider me i will sacrifice everything for her if she truly loves me .one day my girlfriend from india asked me to change my religion from catholic to hindu.this is not a condition and religion is nothing to do with love .things should b sensible to sacrifice not like that one day u wake up try to change my identity.if u want sacrifice then be ready to do the same .
if u putting ur logic and condition in love then its never gonna work it because heart don't understand anything its just our brain who think about what we got and what we loose.
if love is conditional then there is no difference b/w love and business....we should never modify a person according to our need instead we have to accept full personality with his good and bad things.
i think everything teaches us something and we need only will power to learn .its not necessary that u should b of 60 yrs to to show experience.
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/19/12 03:28 AM

Well...I'm not that old. But so what if I were????...I have a lot of years experience, and trying to explain it to someone who is young I have learned is useless.... but here goes.

If I had unconditional love I would still be putting up with someone abusing me physically and emotionally. I chose NOT to. It is a condition with me. You can't treat me that way and continue to be with me. I might love you, but you will no longer get to be with me. Make sense? It ended, so the love ended with it...after a long while.

With my children there are no conditions. They can be horrible, treat me horribly, I might not want to be around them, but I will always love them. End of story.

Love is sacrafice. I have learned that. And that is ok. What if you abosolutely do not want to convert to hinduism? You might anyway, that is a sacrifice you are willing to make. If it means nothing to you to do this, it's not much of a sacrifice, by the way. If it were important for you to remain catholic, it would be a major sacrifice.

Love is conditional and needs to be so that you always have the self love you need. You aren't any good to yourself or to anyone else if you don't have that.

No one should change your identity, I don't believe in that and you can't change others. You can only change yourself. I think deep down you see that. She should not be putting that condition on you, but there you are.

It's important to her. Go for it if it means more to be with her than staying catholic, which it doesn't sound like it is. So no issue, no sacrifice. Wait 'till something that means something important comes into the picture.

By the way, my love is working. We are different people, but our values are the same, we want the same outcome, which is to grow old together. I have a peaceful acceptance of my mate and him me.

Believe me, it's not a business. It took a lifetime to find each other, but we would probably have been too selfish to have made it work when we were younger. I tell him all the time I wish he were the father of my kids and I know he feels the same.

My life is lived transparently and I make no demands (other than he pick up his socks) smile and it's a mutual respect and understanding and trust. It feels long overdue and wonderful
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/19/12 08:22 AM

i know u r very experienced but don't compare or think every girl is like u and u sounds like u representing girl's community.but i m talking about both.i really don't have any problem in changing my religion or anything related to me except my sexuality......lol
i hope u read a story of an elephant and 6 blind men.in this story everyone touches the elephant and describe it in own experience.as we both doing
i m talking about mass population that when in particular relationship the word "I" comes then it will break everything .i m not talking about blind sacrifice and give him everything .but as far as we love each other then there is no question of condition .both r free to do anything within certain limits and this limit is decided by each individual himself in relationship.consider me i love her alot and she is free to do anything and even i told her many times that if u find someone better than me then go with him and i will b happy for u. i always concern about her things and may b this is called sacrifice. but each human is different and everyone has his own preferences in life.a girl looses everything if she find wrong man but a guy also loose things if he find a wrong girl .
i m 21yrs old and i love to learned about about these things and i m not like other guys who read a twilight and think that they become a love guru.
i don't know what kind of personality u both are but i think as far as u both r sacrificing... ur relationship is working and the day on of u stop then it will no longer work.ur previous relationships break bcuz u r sacrificing but he don't and he was a fool who loose most important thing of his life
Posted by: Kathy A

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/19/12 10:43 PM

Oh yes you are so right. There is no one quite like me.
I am basing my opinion, and everyone has one...like the story of the elephant...old story, on my experience and those of people, both men and women, and my children and friends and family. You can't do any different than that no matter how open minded you think you are. You are only 1 person feeling the elephant.

I laugh at the idea that someone could read twighlight and become a love guru... smile I suppose they are out there.

I will end here I only comented way back at the top of this string of posts about opposites attracting...I think they do, but I don't think that's a good reason to think things will work out. Got off topic.

Good luck to you and your relationship with your girl. Hope it works out and you have a happy ever after.
Posted by: aiden

Re: Where Can I Find My Better Half - 02/20/12 05:56 PM

i think i m right about my opinion bcuz i saw enough examples and they r really happy and completing each other.the six blinds have feel elephant and have different opinion about his image but if they combine their experiences then they can figure out the right image or dimensions of elephant.
but whatever its very nice talking to u and first time a girl sustain that much against me in argument may b bcuz u r married or very experienced .
i wish u a very good and happy married life .
if someday i get break up then u have to find girl for me and i trust u that u understand girl's better than me....lol