I am embarassed about this, but I am not sure what to do anymore.
My husband is 29 and I am 30. On Friday his day off, he told me that his co-worker needed help in moving. Her name is Liz and she is 42. She seems nice, but I did not like the idea since I did not know her that well.
Of course, he told me to go. I did not want to go. He left and 10 minutes later he called me with her on the phone telling me to go over there and hang out while he is helping. Initially, I did not see the problem with him helping her because she needed it, but it still felt weird. I ended up going to where they were, and her stepdad was helping also. Her stepdad had to quit, because he just had his wisdom teeth removed.
While I was there, she kept trying to call other male friends and workers to help her. She said they were all ignoring their phone. I felt bad for her in a way and glad that my husband helped, but can I trust her or him?
So it was later just Liz, my husband and I. When she and I were alone, she kept telling me how much my husband loves me and that he will not even let other women hug him out of respect for me and his Muslim beliefs. I have never told him not to hug other women, I honestly would not be bothered by that.
My mother feels that he should not have helped Liz, and for me not to trust her or to ever trust any woman around my husband. Now I remember since I was a child my mother always drove with me in the car to check on my stepdad to make sure he is not cheating on her. I used to go to therapy with a counselor and she told me that I need to stay away from my mother and that during my years of developing my sexuality at age 12 is when she would question my stepdad on his loyalty and that made me not trust men as an adult. Now I feel all paranoid. Now he and I are fighting over this, and this could end up in dovorce.
My mother feels that I should not have let him helped her and that if he had any respect for our marriage he should not have helped her either. She payed him $50.00. If I told him not to help her, he probably would not have listened to me. I do not want to be selfish, and I do not mind us helping, but it is the trust issue. In addition, my husband was the only one who helped, I am sure the other men did not because maybe their wives were not comfortable with it either.
Should I have let him helped her? If I did not want him to, should he have respected my feelings on this since it does involve the opposite sex? My mother may be paranoid, but she also had always been right unfortunately and I understand her protectiveness. She calls me like 10 times a day. I am an only child and feel responsible to keep in touch. After my stepdad died, I blamed myself and I do not want to do that again.
However, my husband sends $300.00 a month to his mom and dad. His parents expect him to send money. He knows I do not agree, and he does it anyway.
I hate to get really personal here, but I need outside unbiased opinions. My marriage is in trouble.
Am I wrong or is my husband wrong?
This is hard for me because I kept my virginity until marriage.
If we do divorce I am 30 and I do not feel I could go through this marriage commitment again. However, I really do want to be a mother one day.
On top of all of this, I had to resign from teaching because I had an unprofessional principal. I have no job right not, but job interviews set up. I am feeling really depressed, but I do not have health insurance to use to get on anti depressants because of this transition, but I will have cobra insurance in a few weeks.
Am I wasting time in this marriage? I love my husband but do not feel in love. I hear it is normal after a few years to not feel romantically in love anymore. Instead the love changes to a feeling of more like family love.
Last edited by Lady78; 07/29/08 10:14 PM.
