RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Confused..

Hi, I'm 19 and I'm currently going through a lot of drama in my life It's quite a long story so I thank whoever reads this

I met this guy last semester (August) at college in a lab. He's cute and really nice, but the fact is that back then I had a boyfriend, so he only waved hi at me and spoke to me when I was alone, like a totally normal guy that respects a couple (and a guy's girl). The thing with my boyfriend is that he used to be very jealous, which lead us to break up back in December. Ironically, a week after we broke up he came up to me while I was sitting at college and started a nice convo. Minutes into the conversation, he asked me why I wasn't with my guy. I told him we had recently broken up, and he nodded, but seemed kinda interested. So he asked me more, but I just told him what you tell people in general (you know, it wasn't working, etc. I didn't really want to talk about it and much less with someone I barely knew). In the end he changed the subject and told me he wanted the new year to bring him a girlfriend.

We ended up talking for a while and in the end somehow he asked me to write down his number so he could lend me a book for a class. He asked me for mine and I gave it to him. Christmas came and we never called each other. Things kept going worse with my ex, etc. New semester started so I needed the book. I called him and we talked for a few minutes, and we agreed to meet up so he could give me the book. That day he told me if I wanted to study with him for the MCAT (we both want to be doctors). Since then, we've been "studying" every week and we've gotten to know each other better.

The thing is.. that my ex still wants to be with me even though I made it clear that I just wanted to be friends. He's kinda stalking me, to the point that the first time I studied with this other guy, he was there all the time! So next time I saw him he told me he'd felt really uncomfortable with my ex "watching" over me. Since then he's been telling me to get away from my ex; things like, if you don't want to go back then get away, push him away, ignore his calls, don't talk to him, etc. Also, I've noticed he gets upset when my ex calls me (he starts sighing heavily, looks away to the side or simply stares at me with a strange face, like "you going to answer or u want me to throw the cell phone away for you?" he's actually told me that).

It was the week before Valentine's Day and we were going to study (which by the way, we haven't done much because we always end up talking about other things). He suggested we ate something and we went to this nice place(not fancy but not a fast food either). The point is that he ended up paying and said it was his Valentine's gift. I joked, saying that I owed him something, and he replied "yes you do, and you better be creative". I got him a chocolate (I know, not creative XD) and then he said "I'll think about you when I eat it". A week after we even went to the movies, but it was something out of nowhere and simply friendly.

The thing is that I'm confused because he says these nice things like "you're a valuable girl", "you're different" and "pretty", he also says "I don't know why the hell you were with that guy," and "cut it with him, take him out of you're life because you don't know how many guys you've missed for being with such a jerk". He's also told me he likes girls being a certain way, and then he tells me in another conversation to be that way (ex. "I like girls that are very confident" -- "You should be more confident" -- "I like girls that wear 'this' " -- "You should wear 'this'"). And last but not least, he hates my ex. He insults him every time he gets a chance and tells me to get over him every five minutes. Today, we were studying and my ex was calling me A LOT. I was ignoring him of course, and then my friend went to the bathroom. Suddenly my ex popped out of nowhere and glared at me from where he was standing. We pretty much just stared at each other for a few mins, then he turned around and left. My friend came over almost immediately looking xxxxxx, and told me "you've got to be kidding me! He's xxxxxxx sick I swear!" I told him not to get involved if anything happened, and he said "no, if I have to kick his xxx` then you'll see me do it. I'm so getting you some pepper spray, ASAP." And he just kept insulting him.

So what's the deal? I don't know if I like him because I'm still not over my ex, so I'm sure it could be mixed feeling or just the loneliness acting up. But what about him? He only calls to plan when we're meeting to study, but when we meet up we don't shut up. We know a lot about each other in such little time, yet I don't think it's enough for him to be protective around me as a good friend (like some of my other friends who I've known for years). I don't understand; perhaps I'm thinking about it too much?

Hello & welcome Cris

It seems to me that you are so emotionally involved in this that you cannot be objective.

Your ex seems to be following you and phoning you all the time; he was possessive and jealous; you only broke up in December; you are not yet over him.

What does this mean, exactly?

Let's consider the ex:

Are you 'still not over' him, because you still care for him?

Is this relationship still 'active' in some way ~ since you say that you are not over him & he is obviously not over you?

Do you want him back?

Are you flattered by his messages and his constant attention, or do you really feel as if you are being stalked?

What is really going on between you?

Is it completely over?

If so, have you made this completely clear to your ex?

Does he think that he may still have a chance with you?

The new boy was respectful of your relationship, when you were with your ex, but has now made it clear that he is interested, but obviously does not know where he stands, because your ex is always around.

What worries me, slightly, is that your ex sounds as if he may have control issues, but so does this new boy ~ telling you how to behave and what to wear. On the other hand, I think that he may just want to date you, and feel that he cannot pursue this, while your ex is always in tow.

Of course he hates your ex. He seems to fancy you and he cannot be around you without him popping up at every possible moment.

Have a good think about this.

Is it over with your ex?
Are you really interested in the new boy, or is this a rebound thing?
Try not to lead either of them on.

You used the word 'stalk' ~ is your ex likely to cause any trouble? If you tell him, clearly, that it is over, will he understand or could there be problems?

If it is over, then he needs to know this, and understand, that he cannot follow you any more. This is for his own benefit, as well as yours and that of any new boyfriend.

If you think that this could become serious, then tell your parents and / or tutors. You don't want anyone getting physically hurt. If this really is 'stalking', and he could become violent, then you may even need to tell the police.

Only you can know whether or not you want this new boy to be your boyfriend, but he cannot get involved with you while you are still involved with the ex, so this needs to be sorted out.

Just be careful not to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Hello PDM and thank you for your time!

I'm still not over my ex, and that's why I fear that these small feeling I get around this other guy might be some sort of rebound symptom, and I don't want that. I actually plan on staying alone for a long while. I've made it very clear to my ex that I only wish to be his friend, but he didn't quite get it. The fact that we take a few classes together doesn't help. But I gave him a piece of my mind last night because it bothered me that he was spying on us, and I told him that if he couldn't treat me as a friend then I would take some serious measures. Until now he hasn't called me and he told me last night he'd just say hi like a normal friend at college, and keep going with his life normally (hopefully he will this time). I know it's what's healthier for the both of us and that's what I tried to make him understand the moment we broke up. I don not wish to go back to him, ever. And I mean it. Not because of this new guy, because I broke up with him before we even started talking.

I do feel like I'm being stalked, mostly because some of friends didn't even notice we were broken up (since he was always following me around before just like we used to when we were together). That's when I noticed he wasn't getting the message and asked him nicely to give me some space. He did so for a few days but every time he'd go back doing the same thing, especially on Fridays when he knows we study together. I care for him dearly, but it's turned into pity recently, mostly like a "guilt trip". But I've come to the decision to make myself stronger and forget about how he feels; I should worry about how I feel first, right?

I've stopped leading my ex on, and I haven't done anything to make this new guy think there might be a chance. Actually, I've made it clear I don't want anything going on while my ex is still acting like this. I'm pretty shy and insecure, and that's what the new guy tells me the most; that I should be more confident about myself and express who I really am without feeling scared, and that I'll see the results. Also, he told me this weird analogy about a rock and a diamond; "There's a lot of women that are trash out there. Look at it this way; what's worth more, a rock or a diamon? Other girls are rocks, but you on the other hand, are a diamond." *sigh*

I've already made it clear to myself that, even if it hurts me a lot, I don't want my ex back. I've made it clear to him hundreds of times, and maybe most of them I wasn't strong or serious enough, but it seems like he finally caught on last night (it took a lot from me to say those things to him but it seems it worked). What I'm not sure about is what this new guy really wants. I thought I might have been looking into things to much and that's why I got the feeling he might like me. But you're telling me he fancies me?

Well, thanks again for your help! I'll make sure I think things through.

Yes, it's probably a good idea to stay out of relationships until you have sorted yourself out.

Good luck!

(I think that the new chap fancies you, but I haven't see you together, so I don't really know. He may just like you.)

Hi again, I just thought I'd leave a small update

My ex hasn't harassed me again (thank God) and we barely speak to each other (just hi or if it's extremely necessary like college work).

I've kept hanging with this new guy, and recently I've felt like he's flirting with me. He asks me out, but never mentions "dating", and still when I'm with him it feels like a date! We go to the movies, grab something to eat, just go around in his car or mine, and we even went to the beach this past week. He tickles me, he casually places his arm around my shoulders, places his head over mine if I lean on his shoulder, smiles a lot while he's talking to me, looks at my eyes while he talks, guides me through a crowd by placing his hand on my waist, just to mention a few things that got me wondering; is he flirting?

Recently he introduced me to his parents when we ran into them "accidentally" while we were at the mall. He calls me almost everyday (he called me 4 times today lol). He has complimented my hair and face, and how I look overall. And the funniest thing, he keeps comparing us with "Meet the Parents", because my dad is very strict and old fashioned when it comes to me and dating.

Last time we were together (yesterday) he told me he didn't want me to leave when I had to go, and grabbed me so I couldn't walk away. I got really nervous and looked away, and he laughed and let go of me.

Last but not least, he met my parents because my dad is very overprotective and he insisted he wanted to meet the friends I go out with. When we were talking about it, my friend asked me what had my dad thought about him, and I replied "oh, he probably thinks we're dating" just to see his reaction, and he answered "hmmmmm, well...". I quickly asked "What?" and he just said "nothing". Of course, I kept insisting but he just laughed. Then he said, "it was one of those times when you don't mean anything". Eventually he told me to guess what he meant and that I should tell him, and he'll say if I'm right or not. When we talked about it again, I said I had no idea, and he told me an "analogy" which I didn't understand XD. He laughed and said "I wonder if it's true that you don't understand or if it's that you do and you don't want me to know".

Well, what do you think? I like him, but should I go for it?

Glad things are better.

If a boy asks you out, and you go out ~ regularly, and he puts his arm around you, etc, etc ~ well, that's 'dating' in my book.

I would agree completely. People worry about the labels they put on situations. In this case, you guys are spending time together, enjoying the time together, and that's what matters!

If you're enjoying your time with him, which it sounds like you are, I'd just keep going along with it and not worry about what it might actually be called to other people (dating, etc.). Sounds to me like you're having fun and enjoying one another's company - I'd just stick with it.