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#393469 01/13/10 05:40 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
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This is my first post. I have resorted to asking for advice in my situation because it is driving me crazy. I met this girl six months ago and immediately we hit it off.(or so I thought) She is six years older than me and in a different economic class then me. I really fell for this girl really quick. I took her out almost every other night and we did a lot together. She has a history of bad relationships and brought to my attention all the time that I treated her better than anyone had ever done in the past. We have never had sex but she has spent the night at my house plenty of times. About two months ago she started ignoring me and walked away from or normal activity out of the blue. She said she had told me that she did not want to be in a relationship right now but at the same time she said she just needed time that we were "to close" as she put it. Normally I would of moved on to not torch er my self but this girl really gets my heart. I have seen here several times over the holidays and was polite and tried to be nice and act like nothing was wrong. Out of the blue last week we spent some time together and the we went out to a club Friday night. It resulted in her staying at my house Friday night. Since then we have engaged in texting each other but yesterday I asked if she wanted to come eat dinner with me. Since then She has not returned my text witch is what she did the last time. I have no idea what to do at this point. I just don't want to push her away and do the wrong thing . I have never experienced this sort of game playing before. She always told me I would be the perfect boyfriend for her but at this point I have no Idea what she is doing. Help.

Joined: Dec 2004
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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
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Hi Auggeren & welcome. smile

We seem to get a lot of these stories on here, so you are certainly not alone.

The stories are very similar: a young man finds a girl who seems perfect for him, but who has been hurt in the past. This time, though, the girl acknowledges that the boy is treating her better than any boy has ever treated her before. All seems to be going well ~ and then the girl simply backs off and becomes distant.

We have had similar stories from girls, too, where the boy has suddenly become cool, for no apparent reason.

I can only assume that some of these people actually want relationships that are dramatic and, while they realise, in their heads, who would be a good partner for them, their hearts are telling them to go for problems and drama. This may even be a subconscious thing.

The other alternative is that they simply don't feel that the relationship is right for them ~ perhaps they just don't feel the strong bonds of affection, attraction, or love, or whatever is required, for a couple relationship to work.

Then they may they find it hard to explain that the relationship is not really for them and they may hope that the other party will simply realise and drift away ~ or remain interested, but not involved. (That way, there is a back-up 'partner' who may be boosting their ego.)

The thing is, when someone is in a relationship, they usually want it to be with someone who genuinely wants to be with them and genuinely cares. However, it may be that you and she have very different ideas about what you want from a relationship.

There may be a perfectly good reason why this woman is behaving this way, or she may simply feel that this relationship is not for her. Maybe the best thing would be to talk this through together, and find out what is behind her behaviour.

If you discover that she feels that the relationship is over, or she is not seeking the same sort of relationship that you want, then it probably wouldn't be good for you to pursue it ~ you might be better off making new friends ~ who may even include the girl who is really meant for you.

You may wish to give her the chance to explain everything, first, but you may not want to hang on to something that isn't really there.

Good luck smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #394161 01/25/10 11:48 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
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Platinum Star Soulmate
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Platinum Star Soulmate
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I definitely get many emails from people who seek drama. They know intellectually that a quiet, steady guy is the perfect person, but their emotions have trained them that "dangerous exciting is fun". It's sort of a sad commentary on the way our society is. Movies extol the "bad boy" who hurts you but you chase him anyway. It teaches women to seek out abusive mates.

I get a lot of email from guys who are frustrated by this. They treat a girl wonderfully, and then she goes off with the ex who hit her.

If it seems like this might be the case here, think of ways to give her that adrenaline fix without the silly drama. Take her horseback riding. Heck, take her bungee jumping. Show her that relationships can be exciting and fun without being damaging.


Lisa Shea, Owner

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