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#89167 12/19/05 08:25 AM
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I remember from my last year at school, a nun, Maybe it's because a nun said it that i remember it.
She said "Choose your partner well, because you have to live with that partner longer, then you have to sleep with them. What might be a very pleasant experience between the sheets, may not have the same appeal across the breakfast table"


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#89168 12/19/05 07:21 PM
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very illuminating people - please keep them coming.

yes Lat, may be your marriage counsellor is correct!!

Vince - thanks for your little gems.

i am waiting for MARK wink


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#89169 12/19/05 10:29 PM
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I am going to take the easy road on this one--

First I am not married and never have been--so take my 2 cents for what it is worth.

I think all of you have put in very important elements--I think a good marriage IS something you have to work on. There are alot of people out there who do not seem to realize that--it is an ongoing process--you don't just land your spouse and let it all go after that. I think sharing laughter is important, sharing goals, sharing dissappointments. There is a theme there--you have to share--and you have to TRUST your spouse enough to be willing to share. If you expect consideration you have to give consideration. There should be a give and take to a marriage, it cannot be all one giver and one taker. My grandmother always told me it was important never to go to bed on a fight--because it just festers. If there is an issue you have to talk it out. I would think these are all actually important elements in any kind of a relationship not just a marriage. smile


"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion." Abraham Lincoln
#89170 12/22/05 07:35 AM
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I am wondering if some arranged marriages last because the notion of divorce is much more of a stigma in their countries than in the West?

Somsuj, did you grow up expecting an arranged marriage? Before you married your lovely wife was it your wish to choose your own wife? Did you argue with your parents over this topic? You can decline answering any of the above questions if you find them too personal! smile

I think that divorce is higher today (in the West) because women can take care of themselves. In the past..let's say the 1950's, the majority of women did not drive, work or in some cases, handle the family money. Women were 'stuck' and couldn't strike out on their own very easily. Today if women aren't happy, the choice to leave is much easier because of monetary independence.

Another thought...the idea of "happiness" is very important to Americans. In other words, life is short, be happy. Unfortunately, not all people want to work at being 'happy' in their marriages. They think it is supposed to magically happen. Could be the results of watching too many Hollywood movies and expecting the same in real life. And fairy tales from childhood saying, "and they lived happily ever after" don't help much either! wink

#89171 12/22/05 02:05 PM
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Welcome back Squeek--

I think you make several good points-especially regarding Divorce--I think another factor is it is much easier now to get a divorce--and I think unfortunately there are a good number of people out there right now who find it easier to quit many things in life including marriage than really try to work things out.


"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion." Abraham Lincoln
#89172 12/22/05 10:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Squeekychimp:
I am wondering if some arranged marriages last because the notion of divorce is much more of a stigma in their countries than in the West?
yes - you can say that - however women in my family are all well educated ............. my family as i had said ........ is exception.

Quote:
Originally posted by Squeekychimp:
Somsuj, did you grow up expecting an arranged marriage? Before you married your lovely wife was it your wish to choose your own wife? Did you argue with your parents over this topic? You can decline answering any of the above questions if you find them too personal! smile
i grew up knowing that arranged marriage is a possibility !

the deal i had with my parents was - if i find the right person - they won't object. i did like someone - it did not last long ...... they knew and did not object. i guess they were relieved when i said, we decided to let it go ........ wink

it was the only serious one. frown


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#89173 12/23/05 02:10 AM
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Arranged marriages appear to suit some people - and they went on in England, in the past, amongst the upper classes - but they don't feel right to me. I don't want to be critical of other people's ways; just to explain how I feel.

I suppose my problems with arranged marriage are:

1. I feel that marriage is between two people - and only those two people. Consequently, for me, I simply could not consider anyone else having anything to do with it. I think that I am probably too independent for anything like this, so I find it hard to understand in others.

2. I was brought up to believe that you only slept with someone you really loved; loved enough to marry them and spend your whole life with them. (I suppose, in this sense, my parents did have a lot to do with it.) On that basis, I would have to fall in love first, whereas, I have been told by those with arranged marriages, that the love grows steadily after the marriage. Again, this does not feel right to me.

As I said before, if it is an introduction, and then you fall in love and wish to marry - that seems fine to me. After all, we all have to meet somehow, but the falling in love part and the wishing to live together, make babies together, for me, that should be private, between the two people involved.

I realise, though, that for some it seems right and it works. Somsuj, you and your wife sound really contented together with your family and I think that's great. smile But, as you say, you probably have more choice and freedom than some others.


I would be interested in responses to this, not uncommon, scenario:

Girl meets boy. They fall in love. Boy's parents hate girl and / or girl's parents hate boy.
What should boy & girl do?


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#89174 12/23/05 03:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by PDM:
I would be interested in responses to this, not uncommon, scenario:

Girl meets boy. They fall in love. Boy's parents hate girl and / or girl's parents hate boy.
What should boy & girl do?
smile smile smile

see bollywood films - this scenario aplenty wink

i can remember "DIL"

i can ask my wife and give you a longer list. wink


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I thought I'd move this to the 'relationships' section.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
Lat #249952 01/30/08 07:41 AM
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i do not believe in arranged marriages i say just let nature take its course

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