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#425143 - 09/23/13 02:31 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Reboot 23 Day 6 -

This most recent reboot was caused by a combination of the kitchen mess and me being quite hungry. I find that when I'm hungry I'm less able to cope with other stress. So it's a good reminder to me to eat regular, small, healthy meals and snacks. That keeps me on an even keel.

So far today is going smoothly. Oodles of things to do, but I am moving through them one step at a time. Sangria always helps too smile.
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#425151 - 10/07/13 10:43 AM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain project Reboot 24 Day 2 - lack of sleep and frustration with rudeness did me in. I snapped at someone. Not good. I'd tried to cram in helping out at an Art show Sat, driving 1.5 hrs to an art gala dinner Sat night, then driving 1.5 hrs back Sun morn to work the art show again. Little sleep. At the gala, people were talking loudly during the speeches which bothered me a lot.

Then at the Sun art show, a local station was video-taping the award ceremony and again people were talking loudly in the background during that taping. I tried to ignore it. But then during a final segment someone was about to walk right *in front of the camera* to go and take his painting down which was the key focus art right behind the interview. I was a bit curt in pointing out to him that - hello! They are filming! Please wait just two minutes! #donotcomplain
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#425184 - 10/25/13 08:26 AM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain project Reboot 25 Day 1 - one of my triggers is when Bob reads his email while driving the car smile. I try my best not to complain about it, but I admit my comment comes out with a fair amount of annoyance in it smile. And to be fair, I do think this shouldn't be done. But then I should drive, rather than expecting him to always drive.
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#425262 - 01/14/14 05:03 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 2 -

It's been a while since I've updated my Do Not Complain project. In general I have gotten much more aware about when I start to feel cranky. I can take a deep breath and a step back. I find that helps immensely. I can put issues into perspective and find a way to deal with the issue in a constructive manner.

There are of course still times that I fail to watch for the approach of crankiness, and fall over the edge into crankiness smile. I still strive not to take it out on others, but there are times that it leaks out.

I find my photo-a-day project helps a lot. It keeps me aware of the beauty all around us and how each day is precious. Working on projects with daily progress helps too. I always have a sense that at least something is moving forward, even if other things are facing hurdles.

How are you guys doing in this new year?
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#425265 - 01/15/14 01:37 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 3 -
A good example of the process I go through. Last night (well, technically, this morning) I was curling up in bed with Bob on one side and Juliet the cat on the other. Both began snoring smile. Part of me thought, "really? I'm sleepy." But then I gave it thought. Both are in good health. We are a contented family. Would I prefer that one or both were not there?

So I gave each of them a warm hug and appreciated that they were there with me, however that happened to be. And they both stopped snoring! And life was blissful smile.

I just woke up, Bob is serenading me with lovely guitar music, and I'm having my morning shake. Life is lovely.
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#425278 - 01/21/14 07:39 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 9 -

I found myself starting to get cranky today and thought about it. I realized two things were involved. First, I was quite hungry but kept putting off getting food so I could plow through my work load. Clearly that wasn't a good plan smile. So I took a break mid-project to get a nice salad and a glass of wine.

Second, I have TweetDeck running continuously on my PC so I can glance over occasionally and see what news is active in my feed. That lets me then forward interesting studies on health, news on ebook publishing, or so on. Usually this is a wonderful way to easily keep a quick eye on my areas of interest, by following certain hashtags.

I want to phrase this part not as a complaint smile. Someone I follow enjoys swear words. They use them fairly frequently in tweets and often with unflattering intentions toward others. When I see those posts my serenity is reduced. If there's a flurry of them in a row, it can wear at me. I use that area of my life to uplift and help others, so it impacts my mood.

I tried for quite a while to try to see them differently. To accept that we're all unique and on different paths. But today, at last, I decided that this just wasn't healthy for me. Yes, she can be on her own path, and that's great! At the same time, I need to best bolster my own path. I'm just juggling so much right now that I need to make my environment best supports me in that.

So I wrote her a (hopefully) gentle note explaining that I did still like her immensely, and her posts are undoubtedly great for others, but they just can't be in my feed any more. It's interesting in our modern world that "unfollowing" or "defriending" can be such a traumatic experience.

But I know for me it's the right choice.

Have you had to do that?
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#425279 - 01/23/14 05:09 AM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 31 Day 2 -

Ooops, food did it to me yet again. I compiled a slow cook recipe book which then had me craving corned beef. Bob went out and got all the stuff, even though it was out of season, and we even bought a new slow cooker too. He went through a fair amount of effort to cook it all. The smells were wafting through the house for hours.

So I'm starving for it and finally I get it on my plate ... and it's tough, pink, and salty. My desire is totally falling apart, dissolving in the mouth, and grey. So, in my brain-addled starvation state, I became fairly petulant smile. Which wasn't quite fair to him. He went to three different stores looking for supplies and this brand was the only one available.

Now I start fresh, and once again I'm reminded not to let myself get to starvation or to get too obsessed with a specific outcome smile.

How are you guys doing? It's a fun project to try!
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#425322 - 02/15/14 12:26 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 2 -

It was the mess that did me in this time. It seems to be either the mess or food that will get to me. Fri was a long day already, and a CraigsList person had decided he'd come out Sat at noon to pick up an old receiver we were selling. And the house was a complete mess. So, 2am, I'm trying to plow through quite a lot of mess just to get the living room and kitchen presentable. And I got a bit cranky smile.

It frustrates me that the house gets to a state that we can't even have people in just those two rooms without an extensive cleaning. But I'm unwilling to take time away from my already mountainous pile of projects in order to clean it. And Bob doesn't like strangers in the house.

I guess what we need is a friend who will come in and handle the dishes and counters and such. And then we need to be more diligent about not using these areas as storage locations for months and months.

I admit that the kitchen table is completely covered with all my watercoloring supplies right now, especially as I'm working on a cool "palette" art contest where I have to turn a large wooden palette into a unique work of art. It has to be done by Feb 25th so I have 10 days left on that. Today I'm doing some experiments with folding vellum into origami.

Are you guys attempting mindfulness about complaints?
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#425329 - 02/17/14 11:38 AM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 4 -

My life isn't always stress-free smile. What I aim for, though, is to deal with those stressors in a way that preserves my health.

My stepfather is giving me much of his old stereo equipment which I'm then selling on CraigsList. It's been going smoothly in general, with lots of happy recipients. Then I encountered P. After various back-and-forth he arrived at noon on Sunday morning, the morning after Bob's gig. So Bob and I were both exhausted but we woke to meet P's requirements. We had the receiver set up, demonstrated it, and answered all his questions. He haggled with us even though it was exactly what we described. I admit I'm just not happy haggling. But we gave in and dropped the price, and even found him a sturdy box to take it in.

This morning I wake up to a hostile email from P where he's swearing at me, denigrating me, and stating that the "stereo mode doesn't work".

Bob thinks he simply doesn't understand the function of the "stereo" light, which comes on if a FM station is being received in stereo. That would not light up during normal CD or other play.

My dual aims are to preserve my own health, by not allowing stress to be created in me, and also not to spread stress in others. So I took in deep breaths and did some yoga smile.

And then I wrote P, first stating that I would not allow abusive language to be used. This is a business transaction and as adults we should be able to manage this professionally. I then explained the probable situation and said we'd take it back if he wanted. (Heck, this would be good for us, since there are other people who wanted it and who would pay full price for it as is.) I told him the only real hurdle to us taking it back at this point is that, given the hostility of his message, I wasn't sure I wanted him in the house again.

Maybe this will have him consider the language he used - especially if it turns out he was misinterpreting how the stereo is supposed to properly work. It did preserve my own stress levels and health. If he chooses to remain hostile going forward, then that is his choice as an adult and I'll simply cease communications. I cannot change others. I can only model the behavior I believe in and ensure the atmosphere I live in supports me.

Yelling at him wouldn't have helped - it would have riled stress in me and spread stress to him, too. It wouldn't be likely to create a more positive outcome. For me, the best solution all around is to handle the transaction like adults, to maintain my own calm, and if he chooses not to engage in a like manner, to move on to someone else who will.
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#425368 - 03/27/14 01:07 PM Re: Go a Day Without Complaining [Re: Lisa Shea]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6037
Loc: US
Do Not Complain Reboot 34 Day 5 -

The event that tripped me up on that last round was, once again, the mess in the house. It was a relatively minor thing but I think because this is such an ongoing problem it builds and builds and then I just snap. This emphasizes for me that handling the underlying issue is key. The fact that I have stress building over time isn't good for me or for my projects I'm working on.

I need to take a two pronged approach.

One, of course, I need to work on the mess. And I am making that effort. Every day I organize just one area. I work diligently down my to-do list. There is progress being made.

Two, though, is I have to be at peace with the current state. Living stressed until a magical day when the house is completely clean seems to be unhealthy. I need to find a place of peace in my mind where I say "yes the house is messy, and it is getting better. It's better than it used to be. And that is all right."

I've pondered why the mess bothers me so. We can't have people over right now, and that bothers me. I'd like to have friends visit for wine or whatever and we can't. Also, we tend to have to waste time hunting for things. I am already incredibly behind on many projects. Time spent on hunting for things is time I could have been catching up on my email backlog. So those things are like the drips of water torture. I need to change my mindset on that. This is all within my own mind.

I need to just have friends over anyway and be content that it's messy when I do.

When I look for things, I need to look at it as an opportunity to clean. It's not "wasted time". It's time I am now investing in making things better. That way each hunting expedition is actually a good thing, to help the house get cleaner.
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