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#420541 - 11/29/11 07:11 PM DELEGATING GIFTS
illusive Fantasy Offline
Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/12/09
Posts: 6762
Loc: Massachusetts
here is another pet pieve ...ive seen thru time how with kids if they want the pricier gifts ...THOSE are delegated for grandparents to get ...for the most....there is no spontanaity anymore ..grandparents wait for a list then shop... frown

its like nowadays EVERYTHING is done to make sure they get what they want whether its something needed so that WE think its a way to ease our conscience of them being disappointed or what im not sure...but again in my opinion ...this leads to the wrong concept of what gift giving is about...

they now KNOW no matter what...they are going to get those big pricy items from someone....

as a kid ...if you got one or two of what you wanted you were elated....its not that way any longer...again putting a lot of pressure on adults and with grandparents who struggle now a days with their meager income source i just dont think its fair...

some larger families have arranged a sort of grab bag of who gets who to buy for to help with expenses...but in the end..it amounts to the same...

gift giving almost to many now seems like a huge debt occurence and takes a lot of the joy away...and becomes very depressing

i even know people who will try to outdo someone its like a challenge to them to "outdo" with what they get allll leading to a lot of depression with individuals as opposed to a joyous time...

why cant we get back to the TRUE basics of the holidays...even if its one little thing each year we add to that theme?

why cant we sort of ...march to the beat of a different lil drummer boy...and get back to the ...REAL feelings and concepts of the holidays.


Edited by illusive Fantasy (11/29/11 07:23 PM)

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#420544 - 11/29/11 08:09 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
tessboss Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 612
I never ever shop for the kids from a list. Never will. They get things from nana and papa that are truly a surprise and my idea.

It is not my job to get them what they want or fulfill their list, so I take full advantage and get what I want.

Funny thing is....they always like my stuff way better than what they had on their list. My 3 year old grandson told me yesterday he cannot wait for Christmas, not for the stuff Santa gets him but for our gifts!

They do know that they will get one pair of cool pj's from us and one good toy. They open the gifts from us on Christmas eve and play with the toys we got them before bed. Then all of the kids get in the tub and into the new cool pj's and go to sleep. All of the Christmas pics the next day have the kids in their new pj's and they look so cute. That is my little tradition and I love it.

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#420565 - 11/30/11 02:19 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
illusive Fantasy Offline
Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/12/09
Posts: 6762
Loc: Massachusetts
how many grandchildren do you have and problems seem to come up as they get older also and want pricier things...when little its still not to bad...

sounds like Christmas time is really still fun and VERY active around your house...nice to be able to keep that going

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#420593 - 12/01/11 08:08 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6084
Loc: US
I think traditions can vary wildly from family to family. Our family doesn't do any gifts at all. Our gift to each other is taking each other out to dinner. We don't go anywhere at all either. Bob and I stay home and relax on Christmas. We don't even give each other presents. I am very anti-stuff-gathering! smile
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#420613 - 12/02/11 06:30 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
illusive Fantasy Offline
Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/12/09
Posts: 6762
Loc: Massachusetts
some folks ...even tho at times i dont think this is very personal...while at other times i do understand it ...will give money so the individual can then when they need something can have the money to buy what they need to fill that need.

and some dont celebrate becuz its not their particular religious holiday to recognize but have other days that are special and yes then some other customs come into play...

and each family does like to add a small custom to the established ones.

however, this was about those that delegate gifts to be bought to ensure that the list is completed and i dont think that should be done...as life doesnt fulfill all needs always.

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#420631 - 12/04/11 12:02 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6084
Loc: US
I agree that it isn't much of a "gift" any more if you are told exactly what to get and how to get it. Now you are simply doing their shopping for them.
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#420649 - 12/04/11 01:11 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I think that the idea of Christmas surprises is really great, but the reality can be less so ~ with things that are duplicated; or one is allergic to them; or they don't fit; or are disliked, yet one feels obligated to keep them; or one doesn't feel obligated and just returns things to the shops.

And it's the adults as well as kids, who may not be too grateful for their exciting surprise gifts.

So, getting something that the recipient really wants can be easier ~ and not a waste of money. smile

It's different when the children are little, of course. Then it's all exciting! smile

The Christmas dream is often more exciting than the Christmas reality ~ and hoping to hang on to the dream can just cause disappointment, I think. frown
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#420652 - 12/04/11 01:38 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
illusive Fantasy Offline
Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/12/09
Posts: 6762
Loc: Massachusetts
generally folks ask to make sure there are no duplicates and they are not asking the folks they are getting the gift for but someone else with reliable info ...that way things fit and there are no duplicates ...not like wedding showers where thats a near non reality.

so the eliment of surprise does still exist...with the exception of with the kids never being taught that you dont always get what you want ...now they know they will get what they want

if you take away a dream.. then you take that heart and soul from something or someone...nothing wrong with the dream or encouraging it. It becomes a choice of if someone wants to be a ho hum grinch or find the dream exciting.

and kids...dont know about others...but parents are always checked with so you know who is giving what so no duplicates or non appreciated errrrrrrrrm so called surprises...this is where delegating comes into play.

what i dont like is the surprise comes in the way of how can you disguise the gift so they dont figure it out before hand...cuz they know they are gonna get it...THATS the shame of it all...


Edited by illusive Fantasy (12/04/11 01:43 AM)

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#420656 - 12/04/11 11:30 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
tessboss Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 612
We stopped the list thing a few years ago. It just seemed to our family that if you wrote down what you wanted and I wrote down what I wanted then you might as well go buy what you wrote down for yourself and skip all the wrapping and gift giving period.

I refused to have a Christmas that seem more like a chore than a heartfelt gift. If you do not know that person well enough to know their interest and taste then buy something generic...gloves, scarf,a puzzle, a best seller book, something of value to you. But...if you really do not know them that well, why are you buying them a gift? Obligation I suppose.

Our family has done it with no list for several years and it works but this year we are only giving gifts to the young children. Everyone is broke and we decided to just skip presents this year.

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#420657 - 12/04/11 02:32 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Well, I'm afraid that I get upset / annoyed / peeved / etc when I spend time and effort buying something that I think will be ideal, only for the recipient to say that it isn't suitable (ie. that I should have known better) and that it has, therefore, been returned.

And I, in turn, have a house full of items which I could really do without, but which I feel obliged to keep, just because they were gifts.

Is that really a better situation?

Actually, there is only one young child in the family, now, and that is the one I need a list for. Most of the others are usually ok to buy for ~ except that I never, ever know what to get for my husband and, as his birthday is in December, I have to come up with two ideas ~ plus ideas for other family members who ask me smile
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#420658 - 12/04/11 02:37 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Christmas has lost a lot of its magic, that's for sure, but I think that this is only to be expected.

It's magical during childhood ~ for those who have happy childhoods.
It's fun in ones teens ~ going to parties with friends.
It's romantic when shared with one's first love.
It's special when one has a baby at Christmas.
It's magical, again, when the children are young and excited.
I'm guessing the magic retutns when the grandchildren arrive.

But throughout the years, it's a good time to keep in touch with family and friends and to get together.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#420660 - 12/04/11 06:45 PM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
illusive Fantasy Offline
Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/12/09
Posts: 6762
Loc: Massachusetts
when one feels obligated to keep a "gift" then the true essesnce is lost of what a "gift" really is....which means no obligation or strings attached goes with the "gift" it represents or is suppose to "love" and the freedom to pass that "love" on to someone who might enjoy it...

again unconditional "love" in this case is what the true meaning of "gift giving" is suppose to be...if we now burden ourselves with societal constructs of what is "expected" when giving or receiving that taints the entire concept of "gift giving". The present, is a present of love not obligations.

You can make a choice ... to accept or give a gift of love or obligations. If someone has a problem as to what you do with their "gift" then the problem is theirs, or even what someone does with your "gift"...unless YOU make the problem of obligation your own. A "gift" is something acquired without payment or obligation.



Edited by illusive Fantasy (12/04/11 06:57 PM)

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#420671 - 12/05/11 12:20 AM Re: DELEGATING GIFTS [Re: illusive Fantasy]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I'm lucky there are no children around - this way I don't have to do any gifts. Everyone close to me knows not to buy me anything or expect anything. I try to ignore the whole season anyway - this year Dan and I are going camping in the Mts around Tuscon. I think we will have pizza, do some hiking, and make a campfire. smile
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