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#406701 - 12/13/10 11:31 PM male friend getting married  
Joined: Jul 2008
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jilly Offline
jilly  Offline

Best Friend

Joined: Jul 2008
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beneath the rim of the Colorad...
One of my last close friends, who is a guy, will probably be getting married soon. How do i try to remain a part of his life without getting his wife irked? We like to go hiking, backpacking and paddling together and I would be broken hearted to lose that large part of our friendship.


Jilly

#406715 - 12/14/10 03:46 AM Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly]  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
PDM  Offline


True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
I think that it is very difficult for a woman to have a close friendship with a man ~ especially if he is married.

If you work together, then you can chat at work, but, otherwise, I have found that it is virtually impossible to be anything more than distantly friendly.

I have argued on here, before, that platomic friendships are perfectly possible ~ not that everyone believes this ~ but in practice it can be very difficult.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#406725 - 12/14/10 02:38 PM Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM]  
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PDM Offline
PDM  Offline


True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
I've continued to think about this and would like to add that I do not mind my husband being friendly with women, or being out in a group with women, but I would not be at all happy if he went for long country walks alone with another woman, or paddling on the beach with her. These ventures seem to be the stuff of romance and I would, actually, be very upset.

If hiking and paddling are to remain on the menu, then I think that others will have to be involved ~ preferably his wife and your hudband ~ and a few other couples, perhaps. smile

Last edited by PDM; 12/14/10 02:40 PM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#406726 - 12/14/10 04:15 PM Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM]  
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jilly Offline
jilly  Offline

Best Friend

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
My husband doesn't enjoy these activities.

I am starting to have a bad feeling about this. It really isn't fair. I have been doing these things with my friend for a decade now. His girlfriend has only been in the picture 6 months.


Jilly

#406864 - 12/19/10 03:49 PM Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly]  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
PDM  Offline


True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
But that's life, Jilly.
And maybe this girl won't mind you carrying on with your walks, etc.
Maybe they won't even get married ~ 6 months isn't very long.

But you are married, and he is entitled to be married, too ~ with all that this entails.

Last edited by PDM; 12/20/10 04:54 AM. Reason: typos

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#406884 - 12/20/10 03:56 AM Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
jilly Offline
jilly  Offline

Best Friend

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I guess what I should have done is find a mate that likes to do the things I like to do. Too late now.

Maybe I will be lucky and my friend will be able to still have adventures together.


Jilly

#406888 - 12/20/10 04:54 AM Re: male friend getting married [Re: jilly]  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
PDM  Offline


True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
Maybe smile
Good luck!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#406922 - 12/21/10 07:25 AM Re: male friend getting married [Re: PDM]  
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 24
Angela Nielsen Offline
New Member
Angela Nielsen  Offline
New Member

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Posts: 24
It depends if her wife is a an understanding and trust on his husband then there will be no problem.


Get Your Ex Back
Look to the future!
#406923 - 12/21/10 07:28 AM Re: male friend getting married [Re: Angela Nielsen]  
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Angela Nielsen Offline
New Member
Angela Nielsen  Offline
New Member

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Posts: 24
Its complicated when you have a wife that's very jealous because this could be a start of a fight.


Get Your Ex Back
Look to the future!
#406925 - 12/21/10 04:28 PM Re: male friend getting married [Re: Angela Nielsen]  
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
MW1 Offline
Companion
MW1  Offline
Companion

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 123
Virginia
I'm trying to think of how I would handle something like this if my husband were to go out on hikes with another woman... I think it would bother me because I would be wondering why my husband would want to go and spend all this time with another woman instead of with me - I would wonder why he doesn't ask me to come along, even if that other woman is married, because unfortunately the meaning of marriage to some people doesn't necessarily mean staying loyal.

It's great that you and your male friend are able to go out on hikes and your husband is fine with it, that must mean that he trusts your friend. Reason I say this is because my husband has always told me (and I the same to him), it's the other people we don't trust.

But, no worries about it now, he's not married yet... and who knows what the future will hold. My one suggestion would be to start trying to get her involved with you guys - might make her less apprehensive about it when he suggests going on a hike with you if she's not up for coming along.

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