RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Complicated situation..

About 4 years ago I dated this guy and we loved each other really much. We were only 13-14 year old and we didn't really know a lot about love but we truly loved each other, not those kiddie types of love. After 8 months being together, I broke up with him because I thought he had feelings for another girl that was his "sister" but they weren't blood-related. They were just too close and even though he said he's not "in love" with her and admits that he does "love" her, I couldn't take it, so we broke up. He told me there's a difference between loving someone and being "in" love with someone. I didn't understand that back then. Anyway, he moved on months after, but for me, I stopped missing him 24/7 a year after we broke up and I only stopped missing him completely a year after that. And every time I argue with someone, I think of him and I start missing him because even though about the last half of our relationship we argued a lot, at least he was still mine and knowing that he cared to argue about things. And I tried talking to him in the early 2010, but he was very laconic.
Just last summer in Aug. 2010, I met this other guy and I started loving him because he made me happy. We started dating but we were already arguing over small issues. He's too flirty and he thinks there's nothing wrong with "flirting" around with girls because he thinks it is "funny". He doesn't see what's wrong about that. He doesn't show me the same love my first boyfriend did. Basically everything in this relationship was opposite in the role of what I played in my first. I'm the one always trying to talk things out (unlike the first one where he was the one that always tried to get me back). I spend a lot of time waiting for him (whereas in the first relationship, my ex was the one ALWAYS waiting for me). It's just so difference. I hate my first ex for setting such high standards that I have to make them my expectations from now on....
So in early December was when we started ignoring each other and basically we broke up. And then something weird happened...
My ex from 4 years ago added me as a friend and I accepted.
During this time, I was still talking to my ex because I still love him and he does too but we just can not settle down again. So, we're basically just friends again but knowing we still love each other.
Then one day, my ex from 4 years ago asked if I'm free to grab lunch with him sometime. I told my ex about it and he kind of got jealous and told me to go love him. I told him I don't love my ex from 4 years ago anymore and that the only person I want right now is him but we're so different, we're completely opposite and we always fight.
And then another month of talking to my ex but nothing's changed. We still couldn't get back together and I get mad at him because he started talking to these 2 girls and probably flirting around, but I have no right to tell him to stop or anything. After a week of not talking, yesterday he just started talking to me and then he talked about how one of the girl is always on his mind and stuff and I pretended to be happy and told him that I think she likes him and that he should ask her out. And I said I think he's in love with her because she's always on his mind. He says he doesn't love her and he's not in love with her but he does think about her.
I don't get what he is trying to do right now. it's so confusing.
I don't know what to do right now.
My ex from 4 years ago was the best thing that ever happened to me and now that he is sort of back into my life, I really don't want to lose him again. I want to at least be his friend.
I just don't know what my ex is up to. I don't know if he was saying that to make me jealous or trying to test if I still care. I don't know what to do.

Just tell him how you feel......... He will never know what you feel like by just looking at you, you need to tell him.

Tell who? My ex? Is he even worth getting back together with?

If you love him as much as you say you do and you think it's worth it......yes tell your ex.

Hi there :) You are, it seems, in love with two people at the moment, and, in a way, neither is ‘real’, because you are seeking an ‘ideal’. When you and your first boyfriend dated, you were, practically, children. I know that youngsters in their early teens may seem grown up, and even feel grown up, but they have only ever had the experience of being children and, though they are embarking on adulthood, they are not there yet. However, I do believe that young love can be true love. I don’t think that it is ‘kiddie love’ for most people. It’s rarely long-lasting love, though. However, those special feelings do seem to last. Unless things go very wrong, one’s first love is always special. This first boy sounds very nice. You broke up with him, because you didn’t trust him around his step-sister. Was there anything really going on? I don’t know ~ do you? It is possible to love one’s step-sister, but not be in love with her ~ as with a blood sister. It seems that you feel that you made a mistake, breaking up with him, and your feelings have remained with you ~ no real closure. You are still thinking about him. But is it the real him, or some dream perfect person of your imagination? Very few people stay with their boyfriends from when they are 13. It also seems, as you say, that no-one can live up to him ~ or to your dream version of him. It’s like being in love with a pop star. The person is real; but your take on him is not. He has contacted you through Facebook, so his memories of you must be good ones, too. That is really nice. But he wasn’t very forthcoming in his responses to you? What were you hoping for? And now you have met someone else, but have broken up with him. You still have this dream person in your head ~ your knight in shining armour. But he was just a young boy then. Look at other 13-14 year-olds around you. Think about that. Now then, how do you really feel about your latest boyfriend? Are you going to make it work with him, if you are arguing all of the time? Do you still feel that you are in love with him? Are you prevented from loving him, because of your feelings for your childhood sweetheart, or because he just isn’t as nice a person as your first love? Is this new boy a nice person? Do you care for him? Does he care for you? You say: 'Is he even worth getting back together with?' He flirts, but is it serious flirting, or just his friendly personality? Flirting can have different definitions for different people. Is it possible that you are being over sensitive? You broke up with the first boy over jealousy and now it’s happening again. Is your judgement correct re these boys or are you over-jealous ~ and unnecessarily so? If your first relationship was good, and this one isn’t so good, then maybe you should just accept this at face value and not blame your ex for setting you high standards. Maybe this boy would not be right for you under any circumstances. But, if he is right for you, then you are going to have to put your first love into the past. Many people retain feelings for their first loves, but they understand that it is something special, that cannot be re-captured, and that also has no bearing on current relationships. You have not yet reached that stage. This may be because you are still so very young, or that there was no real closure re the first boy, or because you believe that this new boy isn’t really right for you. Your recent ex told you that one girl was always on his mind. How did that make you feel? He knows that your first ex is often on your mind, so maybe he did say this deliberately, so that you would know how it felt. I think that maybe you should have lunch with your first love ~ just as a friend, 'for old time’s sake'. It will put things into perspective for you and will help you sort out your feelings for this new boy. It may even re-kindle your lost romance. Who knows? Remember, though, that 18 is still very young and that very few people stay with the person they date at that age. I did ~ but that is unusual :) Just think about the new boy for now. Is he a good and decent person? Do you love him? Do you actually want to be with him? If yes, then you will both need to work on it. If not, then leave that relationship alone. But I think that you need to sort out that first relationship. For your feelings to have lasted this way is not really unusual, but does need to be addressed if possible. Having a meal together will give you the chance that you need ~ either to get closure or to rebuild the relationship. Good luck :)

I actually don't think I am in love with both of them. I think it's just a hope that I can get back with any one of them but I'm not sure who. I think I want to get back with my ex, but because nothing is really working out, all I can hope for is my first? I don't know. I actually don't really know what I want from my heart. All I know is that I am confused and don't know what to do.

Oh sorry, to rephrase it, the girl wasn't my first's stepsister. She was a friend but he considered her a "sister". And I thought they were too close because they talked on the phone until really late at night. Back then he told me he doesn't love her as in being "in" love but I thought it would be possible that that may happen/happened being that they really aren't blood-related brother and sisters.
I thought there was really something going on between them because it seems like the girl was always sucking up to him. And because we were in a bad situation in the relationship, he would talk to her about it and then quickly, she because his "#1 trusted" person. And he did tell me that they used to like each other...
I do feel like it was my mistake that I broke up with him because he said he's not in love with her. I did not believe it back then, but I do believe it now because only time can prove that. As far as I know now, they don't talk to each other anymore and it has been that way about few years ago. From my memories, he was perfect in my eyes. He never made any mistakes and always made sure I felt secure and can trust him. He talked to a lot of girls too but never once did I think he was flirting or cheating on me, because he has restrictions and he sets limits because he knows I wouldn't like it, unlike my recent ex. And when we fought, my first would always make sure everything is settle before he goes to bed, not matter how tired he was and when I ignore him, he does everything to make sure I got a message. My recent ex just goes to sleep and believes that it can be settled another day and I'm the one trying to settle things before ending the day. It's just everything my first did for me, my recent ex doesn't. Everything's flipped. Like, I'M the one taking on the "usual boyfriend" role.

I don't know how to describe my recent ex. Like, if I imagine never meeting my first, I'd still get mad at my recent ex a lot. It's just the things he says, thinks, and does. We are total opposites. I just hate the replies he sometimes gives me. It seems like he doesn't even care. When we're talking late at night and suddenly he leaves and then comes back, I ask him where he was and sometimes he'd be like "here" and obviously if he was here, he would have answered. So I asked him if he can explain and he'd be like "why?" and then I tell him it's because if he cares, he would explain and he'd be like "No, that's logical fallacy." IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD! And when I ask him why he left, he would say "Because I'm human." Ugh. You get the point, right?

Flirting to me is anything that is trying to get a girl's attention or make a girl think you're interested in her. He's called some girls "baby" or "babe" and I get pissed off and he said he doesn't understand why that is wrong!! He says it's just calling them an "infant"! He is just so UGHH. I don't even have a word for it.
I get mad at him more than I get sad because of him. To be honest, I never really cried because of him. Like, the farthest I ever went to almost crying was tears in my eyes and they weren't even enough to roll down my cheeks when I blinked.

Jealous. I do get jealous real easily...
With my first, I get jealous a lot but he somehow makes sure I know it's not what I think. With my recent ex, he sometimes denies it and tells me that he's not "flirting" or says he disagrees with me. He doesn't do anything to make sure I know what's really happening.

When my recent ex told me someone was always on his mind, I was a little hurt, but it was predictable. I mean by predictable because my first moved on really fast too and I was shocked because he was the last person I'd ever think would move on so fast. So my recent ex, I can imagine, moving on way faster. He tells me though, that that girl told him he's the only one that makes her sane. And he told me that he used to have a crush on that girl too and that in the next month, it would be a year and 4 months that he had a crush on her. And I got mad because it means that when we were together, he still crushed on her. He said "Yes" and that he "played me" all along, yes, denies he is in love with her. I don't get what is up with him, at all...

Thank you, you've been a really big help.