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#407245 12/29/10 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted By: Angela Nielsen
Hi!!! My boyfriend and I planning to get married but the two of us do have different marriage of choice. I want a church wedding and he wants civil wedding. I cried over this situation where it is bad for a start where two of us dont agree which is which.. i dont want to choose on what he wants because i do have my own point too... That is why i am to anxious to brought this topic again to him afraid it may lead again to conflict.


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Hi Angela smile

Women imagine their wedding day from when they are very little ~ men, generally, do not.

He may not realise just how much this wedding means to you, so do try to tell him, so that he understands.

Be realistic though, and consider the costs, etc, before talking to him about it again.

And consider his side of the story too.

Can the two of you compromise, somehow?

You don't want to start your married life with discord and upset.

Good luck.


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I do think a compromise might be a good idea - to have a small, private wedding, rather than a large church affair with all the bells and whistles.

Has your mate mentioned why he is interested in a civil ceremony? Will this be both of your first wedding? Do your families get along? Is cost or time of the issue?

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Hi PDM Hi Jilly. Thanks for the reply.

My boyfriend reasons about wedding church would be expensive
but as I assess we both can cope up with that. TO my dismay
the expense for church wedding and his annual computer upgrades
is worth half for a church wedding. He says civil would be simple and practical.
But I think I went through a lot to be a successfull one and my last
mission in my life is to walk in the isle and have ceremony at the
church and have a happy married life... But he only says
Im not being practical. We must have savings for our house because he dont
want to live with his family when he will get married. Priorities first.
I am confused If I am the one who is being selfish here.
I do have savings because of this issues I spent my savings to my family I bought a lot of furnitures
for them... And I am also afraid to brought this topic afraid I might cry again and we will argue again.


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Also he is a computer programmer with high paid salary.
And I am a Technical Admin Asst with also has a good salary...
Dont you think we cant afford having a wedding ceremony? People or our friends that
do have low income thank us can afford why not us. I am really confused.


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Angela, this may scare you but I am in a coven, of sorts, half Druid and the other half Celtic but we are all family and we all respect each others study of choice. We all worship the same "Gods" in nature and perform our primary rituals as a family together. I just found out a couple of years ago that I have this wonderful and amazing group of people on my mother's side of the family so I am fairly new at this.

My point being, as it relates to your story, is that in your compromise you and your partner could consider having a hand-fasting and a potluck for the people that come. My circle calls it a "binding" or "wrapping of the hands" which signifies your love for one another. You could have a JOP or a Unitarian Minister reside over the ceremony and, without getting too deep into ritual, you could recite some rehearsed lines to each other, explaining your intentions, and then the Minister would wrap your hands in a three foot long wetted piece of silk or leather.

It is a very cheap and beautiful ceremony. I have seen four of these in the past year or so. They usually take place near streams or large unique trees. We had one in our chanting cave and that one I did not care for, It was cold and wet.

This is a tradition that predates the Mesopotamia's in northern and central Europe. Imagine yourself in a beautiful spring dress cut slightly above your knees, your hair pulled up with only a vine halo and Easter lilies holding it up with your favorite friends and father their, in nature, ready to give you to the man you love. Then as your lover approaches you he simply pins a Rose on your dress and you remove the Halo so your hair falls free and he can see the entire physical beauty of your lineage drawing him deeper into the ceremony.

Usually the Wrapping is followed with lots of drinking and dancing and then the entire family helps with the cleanup the next day.

Just remember though you always need an alternate plan for weather like having it in a barn or someone's home.

These are just my opinions and I submit them to you solely as ideas for your debacle.


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Angela - Do you have what you consider a "home" church? A church who are affiliated with or otherwise grew up in? I ask because if you do, pastors don't charge you more weddings in their/your church. =)

Also, there is no reason why it should be expensive. JUST to get married and do the wedding, it shouldn't cost you anything really besides the cost of your dress if you want one, and the marriage license.

If cost is the biggest issue for him, look into it! Many women (including myself!) made very affordable weddings. In my case, I had my mom arrange silk flowers which saved hundreds of dollars and was very inexpensive... and very pretty!! But we didn't decorate the church AT ALL and it looked just fine.

Sit down and talk it with him. Discuss what you want and why and see if there's a way to come to a compromise. Like I said, if costs are really his issue there are ways to make it completely inexpensive.

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Angela, I do think you have a difficult issue to work out - it seems your fiance is steadfastly wanting a simple, inexpensive affair, and that you want a church wedding with the beautiful traditions that are involved.

If you had a wedding at home but with a officiant of God presiding, would that be a compromise you can live with? There are many ways to make such an event glorious and special. And as Niki said, it can be done on a limited budget.

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I'm Catholic, my husband is Baptist. We knew we both wanted to get married in a church, but the decision was which one? It took a lot of talking about what was important to the both of us and ultimately, after listening to both sides and talking to the priest from my church and the preacher from his, we decided it would be best for us to get married in my husband's Baptist church. It worked the best for the both of us. To this day we still go to a Baptist church just because we've searched around to find one that worked and suited both our needs and wants. smile

BTW - side note: we've talked about our wedding day and what we would do different if we were able to have a second go-round. We've agreed that we'd just get "hitched" in Vegas or somewhere else and then throw a big party to celebrate with all our friends and family. We think that would have been less stressful for all involved.... but we're happy with the decision we did make - after all, we both got the end result we were hoping for.

Best of luck to you! I'm sure it's a difficult thing to talk about and discuss as it was for my husband and I.


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Hi, Thank you for your advises... I dont dream of a very fancy and expensive wedding all I want is to walk in the isle seeing him in the edge waiting for me. Thinking and dreaming of it makes me cry... I already talk him about this... And to my dismay when we engage into a little quarrel he slipped and told me that "Oh all you think of is to walk into the isle"... I didn't go further as he says that it hurts me much. Now I'm afraid to brought again the wedding topic or plan what would it be or how could it be...But no doubt he wants me to be with his side and live with his side forever. No doubt about his love..... What would be the best thing I will do to open again the topic for him without leading things into quarrel. The problem is when something or what he says disappoints me it will affect my mood and leads into quarrel.


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