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so i have a crush on this guy... (hense the topic smile ), i don't get to see him very often, about only once a week, but i can't stop thinking about him, and he's always joking with me, and give either laughing smiles, or hlaf smiles, i can't tell if they are 'nervious' smiles or not... confused. and me heart beats faster when we make eye contact, i heard somewhere that other peoples feelings can get transefered though eachother's hearts.... is it real? wink

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and i saw him at a football game and we hung out and someone said "are u guys like best friends or something??"... but he was acting normaly to me

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Hi Chautauqua1 smile

Just continue to be friendly and to enjoy his company.
It sounds as if he likes you.
Ask him about his interests.

Maybe you could suggest doing something else together ~ as a group, perhaps, with friends ~ maybe bowling or skating.

When you part, you could say something like: 'will I see you at next week's game?'

Transferred feelings?
Not sure, but everyone loves to be loved and this probably brings out the best in them smile

You don't say how old you are, but, especially if you are quite young, be sure to take care of yourself and, if you do decide to go elsewhere together, be sure that your parents know all about it and are ok with it.

Good luck!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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thanks! smile

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do you really think he likes me? how can i show him i like him back?

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anyone? frown

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Hello again Chautauqua1 smile

It's difficult to know how he feels, without hearing his side of the story. smile

But he is friendly and he laughs and jokes with you ~ these are good signs, so yes, as I said, I do think that it sounds as if he likes you. Of course, he may just be a friendly happy sort of person, who is like this generally. However, since people think that you may be 'best friends', then that does sound as if there may be something special between the two of you.

What you can do, I think, is what I suggested already ~ be friendly whenever you see him, show an interest in his interests, suggest doing things / going out with a group of friends, and see how he reacts.

You still don't say how old you are or your situation. A lot depends on whether you are a teenager at school, in your parents' care, or an independent adult at work, for example.

Either way, you could suggest doing some work together or having something to eat together. His response would then tell you a lot.

But if you are young and vulnerable, make sure that your parents / guardians know where you are and who you are with.

Good luck!


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thank you, i wish my age to be unknown, i will be going to his school in a year, yes he is older than me, smile thank you for responding!

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Your age will be relevant, though. If, for example, you are 13 and he is 17, then he is too old for you at present and is probably just being friendly. However, if you are 18 and he is 20, then there could be hope of a young romance, while, if you are 25 and he is 30, then you should really start chatting and see where this is going. smile

If you mean 'school' as in 'school rather than college', then you are probably both teenagers, but the age thing will still be relevant and so will being careful.

Take care smile

Last edited by PDM; 12/13/10 04:37 PM.

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yes we are both teenagers, thanks again for your help! he's a little less than 3 years older, so im not expecting anything to..... emerge

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Just continue to be friendly and to enjoy this friendship smile
If he is older, though, it is wise to be careful.

Last edited by PDM; 12/14/10 02:10 AM.

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This is the stupidest story I've ever read to be honest. Maybe it is your ability to write stories; I don't know, but I really recommend that you re-type this story with more details. i don't see how anyone could give you advice on such a vague story like that. Give us the juicy details!

Here is an example of what you wrote:

My cat keeps meowing at me. I pet him all the time. Does this mean my cat likes me?

How would we know the answer to that? How do we know if you are totally in love or whatever you would call it. Here is some advice; go home, think about what you wrote, think about your situation, ask yourself first if you really need help from STRANGERS like me who care nothing about you for some retarded advice, and then consider re-posting your fairy-tale love story.
Bye!

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Little harsh Dan Druff... when I respond to posts like these I typically try to put myself in that person's shoes - say if this individual is a teenager - a young one - those feelings can be very different from a teenager in college...

I would be very hurt if someone wrote on my post and said it was stupid. If you don't like a post and don't have anything nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all.

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Originally Posted By: Dan Druff
This is the stupidest story I've ever read to be honest. Maybe it is your ability to write stories; I don't know, but I really recommend that you re-type this story with more details. i don't see how anyone could give you advice on such a vague story like that. Give us the juicy details!

Here is an example of what you wrote:

My cat keeps meowing at me. I pet him all the time. Does this mean my cat likes me?

How would we know the answer to that? How do we know if you are totally in love or whatever you would call it. Here is some advice; go home, think about what you wrote, think about your situation, ask yourself first if you really need help from STRANGERS like me who care nothing about you for some retarded advice, and then consider re-posting your fairy-tale love story.
Bye!


And this is one of the rudest posts that I have read on here.

You came to us for advice, but criticise others when they do so.

If you cannot post anything positive and helpful on a thread, then surely it would be better not to respond at all.

Please treat all of your fellow members with respect.
Thank you.


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You were right to call me out on my rude post. Perhaps I was a bit rude with my first sentence, but you are making it seem like what I posted was a fiasco of some sort. I think that my advice (unlike yours) is not sugarcoated. I like to get straight to the point, and sometimes, the only way to get a message to someone is to do so without regards to their feelings. My advice was rude, but in my opinion was very helpful. I don't know about you, but when someone tries to tell me "it's ok" when it isn't, then that person really hasn't put much thought and consideration into what I told them. All of your "helpful" comments are all congruent in conveyance. They all state the same positive outlooking decision on things and I think that is wrong to constantly feed someone's head with positivity. What if the worst happens? No one on this gosh forsaken place considers the worst. Because they don't, then when the worst happens, that person (after reading all the positive comments and smiley faces) will be torn up because their confidence was built too high and let down so hard. Call me rude, but I do exactly what I came here to do and that is to open people's eyes just enough so they can see what the right decision is for themselves. Never did I once insult anyone on here; that is not what I came to do.

Thank you.

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When you said their post was stupid you insulted someone.

I came to this forum when I needed it most and it was extremely helpful and reassuring to me in that time of need.

In my opinion, you didn't give any advice, therefore your comments were not helpful, they were just mean.

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Originally Posted By: Dan Druff
.... Call me rude, but I do exactly what I came here to do and that is to open people's eyes just enough so they can see what the right decision is for themselves. Never did I once insult anyone on here; that is not what I came to do.

Rudeness and insulting responses are not wanted or allowed on this forum.

It is perfectly possible to get a message across, while still being polite.

Please remember this in future.

Last edited by PDM; 12/24/10 02:34 AM.

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lol I felt that same thing to when I was in Highschool even when I get to college thats where i met my love ones... A lovely feeling indeed.


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MW1:
Clearly, I did state that I was harsh on my first sentence. Second, I did not ask for a life story about you and this forum. The comment was originally between me and the person who posted the story. Third, I will give you a short grammar lesson. This should be of some help, and do not take it personally.

The word "therefore" is not a conjunction. It is a conjunctive adverb, so it cannot connect two clauses together. (subject and a verb) Because of this, when using "therefore" it must be treated as an adverb with special attributes. One would be that this adverb (since it is a conjunctive adverb) cannot be put alone at the beginning of a sentence. A semicolon (;)must precede "therefore" and a comma directly afterward because it is considered an adverb. Adverbs (when introduced in the beginning of a clause or sentence) must end with a comma.

Fourth, my comments were not mean. what would you say if I told you that I was not exactly the most well-rounded communicator and that I had problems putting things in a polite way? (as I actually do) Then could you call me a mean person or a brutally honest person? Either way, you are definitely not helping the situation by counteracting with the comment you left for me.

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PDM:

You seem to be quite the helper to most people on this forum as I do read that you have over 22,00+ posts. I will show you respect in the best way that I know how, so do not take what I say offensively.

The same goes for you about rudeness. The final paragraph on my previous response applies to you as well if you wish to follow your own advice about treating others with respect. I do realize that it is possible to get a message across while being polite. Next, I should probably read the rules of this forum for further reference so that I can see for myself if my posts are not allowed on this forum. Lastly, you do not know for sure if these posts are wanted or not, so you cannot say such a farce. Thank you .. again.

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One more to you, PDM:

For you to use my quote in your response conveyed no message to me. I think what you tried to do was use my quote to prove my hypocrisy in my original comment. In my opinion, I still do not believe I have insulted anyone; therefore, I can defend myself there. If you were using my quote to say that I was rude, then that was not justifying your response of "Rudeness and insulting responses are not wanted or allowed on this forum" because you used the line of me saying, "Never did I once insult anyone on here". Bad evidence.

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Sorry Chautauqua if any of this distracted you. If it does work out, then you may hate me if you like. If it doesn't, then all permission for you to thank me for warning you.

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Originally Posted By: Dan Druff
MW1 ... I will give you a short grammar lesson. This should be of some help, and do not take it personally.

The word "therefore" is not a conjunction. It is a conjunctive adverb, so it cannot connect two clauses together. ...

Really, Dan, this sort of thing is not what we expect on the forum. We do not analyse members' grammar.

Maybe you are trying to be helpful, but people could interpret this as being insulting ~ which is against the rules.


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Originally Posted By: Dan Druff
PDM: You seem to be quite the helper to most people on this forum as I do read that you have over 22,00+ posts. I will show you respect in the best way that I know how, so do not take what I say offensively.

The same goes for you about rudeness. The final paragraph on my previous response applies to you as well if you wish to follow your own advice about treating others with respect. I do realize that it is possible to get a message across while being polite.

Next, I should probably read the rules of this forum for further reference so that I can see for myself if my posts are not allowed on this forum.

Lastly, you do not know for sure if these posts are wanted or not, so you cannot say such a farce. Thank you .. again.

As I am an administrator of this forum, I do know what is acceptable, what is wanted, and what is considered rude. Your comments have been impolite and, therefore, unacceptable. Please do read the rules. Thank you.


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Wow.

OK you guys know that usually I am incredibly patient and tolerant with people who are rough around the edges, who express themselves in ways not in tune with our style here in these forums.

However, Dan Druff posted some of the most hostile, hurtful things to a young girl that I've seen in a long, long time. Trashing a young girl's writing style and concerns goes far beyond anything that our rules explicitly forbid.

I have permanently banned that user. Our forum and its ability to help innocent youngsters will be the better for it.


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[Dan fake account comment removed]

Last edited by Lisa Shea; 12/29/10 02:16 AM.
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What a pompous windbag. I feel sorry for the OP who was just trying to get some answers about a confusing situation in her life.

Last edited by XPR15SR; 12/28/10 04:26 PM.



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Originally Posted By: Jeff Kerley
Wow, this looks like it got ugly.

If you wish to re-join the site Dan Druff / Jeff Kerley, then you must see if you can get Lisa's permission, first.


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Dan has been banned a second time, and if he continues to violate our ban in our private forum, the information will be forwarded to his ISP and all appropriate authorities. We are a private membership-based forum and have full rights to restrict our membership to individuals who follow our stated rules.


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thanks guys, wink i've never had a boyfriend, i was just wondering if i had any hope!

ps. to dan druff (even though you're banned) i don't accept the apology and i think i am a very good writer, one post doesn't give youy the right to call me a bad writer, or judge my skills, (further more i'd like to have you know that i'm an A+ studentin writing), or tell me to "thank you if you're right" because if it doesn't work out i'm not blaming anyone here, or in my life. no matter what you say i'm not going to "lay in bed" and think about the one post i put on the form and think "hmm maybe it's not perfectly planned" what you said hurt me and please don't post on my threads again.

-Chautauqua1

Last edited by Chautauqua1; 01/04/11 01:18 AM.
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Haven't been on in a while and just saw your post Chautaugua1 - Hope you were able to see past all the other "stuff" that went on here.

one more comment: Therefore, WOW. LOL smile

(hopefully this comment wasn't out of line - I'd laugh and hopefully others will too that have read this topic)

Last edited by MW1; 01/04/11 05:07 AM.
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So, to start this post, I figure I will say this right now: I am here because other people expect me to be heart-breakingly mean (apparently I'm a hilariously mean person, I had no idea) to the happiest forum I've ever seen. Interpret that how you will, I'm currently too fascinated by this thread to do any of that meanness tomfoolery.


Alright; responses to the 1st page:

1st, @OP, I think that you've described to me every generally happy person I've ever known. You're story is pretty vague and... well, he just sounds like a happy person. Let me provide basic examples to point out the flaws:

1-He laughs and jokes and smiles. He likes you.
2-He doesn't do any of that. So... he sits straight-faced and never says anything funny and I guess that means you're friends?

Maybe I live in a completely different social circle than most people, but, last I checked, total lack of laughter and smiling of any kind meant you at least were bored with the person and quite possibly disliked them. I mean, what you described could mean something for some people, but unless you type up a several thousand word description of him I rather doubt he's going to sound like anything other than absolutely normal to an outsider.

Almost forgot! No. No, transferred feelings doesn't work like that. You could argue being around happy people makes things more enjoyable, but love doesn't force love. If anything, that'd be called Stockholm Syndrome.


Responses to the 2nd Page:

@Dan Druff's 1st post - Yo! You sound just like me! Only you have absolutely no tact (subtlety goes a long way) and aren't the slightest bit constructive. I particularly like that totally irrelevant cat metaphor you used as a means of condescending, class act smile I guess you're third paragraph was an explanation of why this forum shouldn't exist? That's... Well, this isn't the place that you'll win that argument. I'll put it that way.

@Dan Druff's 2nd post - Hi again! You are correct, your post wasn't sugarcoated. Possibly coated in capsaicin, but certainly not sugar. While I agree that it isn't generally good to feed someone undue positivity, it probably isn't great to bludgeon them with disappointment, either. In regards to this forum being universally sugarcoated... Meh. I agree, but I get the feeling that you tried so hard to distance yourself from that mindset that you ended up only being able to communicate ideas by launching them with a trebuchet.

@MW1's 2nd post - He did give advice. Read between the lines and you'll find it's more or less my advice.

@Dan Druff's 3rd and 4th posts (expecting double digits at this point) - First, I find it hilarious that you got hung up on the debatable, ill-defined uses of "therefore" when discussing a run-on sentence. Just... Priorities man!

Also, in regards to "not being here for a life story," I doubt the rest of this forum is here for cat metaphors. Figure out how conversation (maybe rhetoric is closer to correct here) works before criticizing quite relevant parts of it. While I'm on the subject of irrelevant semantics, I have to say, "mean" and "brutally honest" people aren't mistakable. The belief that they are stems from the arrogance of the mean and the fragility of the vulnerable.


3rd Page! Yea! Make that progress!

@PDM's post about knowing what is wanted (I'm not going to try to # all of yours, sorry) - I really don't care about context or reasoning, it's absurd to say that you know what is wanted. If there is more than one person involved in any discussion, then no one person knows what is wanted. Perhaps you mean "What is wanted on this forum (as opposed to, directed at these people), but the way it is, it comes off as power tripping (which, in context, is hilariously absurd).

@XPR15SR - Wait? Does the respect thing cease applying when discussing people that are banned? That's interesting... Wait, no it isn't! That's basically saying that you're only allowed to insult people who can't defend themselves. Meh, whatever, moving on.

@Lisa Shea's 2nd post - I guess I might be either emotionally jaded or missing a lot of the story (assuming some sort of email went on between you and Dan), but doesn't it seem really harsh to threaten someone with the cops when what they said was more or less, "Your writing is bad and your story is vague, grr!" I mean... Alright, I'll concede to context here. Surely I'm missing or overlooking something.

@Chautauqua1's last post - As someone who wishes to be a writer - Don't say things like "one post doesn't...". Also, English classes are, unfortunately, not that relevant to writing (or schools to intelligence, but that's another rant). It doesn't come off as arrogant, but unwilling to accept... is criticism the right word for Dan? Whatever, if you want to practice an art, you don't ever get to blame anyone else before considering every possible scenario that puts blame on you. Also, stop putting tremendous emotional value in the views of strangers. It can't be healthy, especially when that stranger whose opinion you value so highly is the internet's


4th page! I am plowing through this entire thread, like a boss!

Eh, may as well respond to MW1's post, seeing as I can't just not respond to this page: That isn't how you use therefore. Sorry frown

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Rather Incoherent ~ I can assure you that the administrative team on this site know exactly what is and what is not 'wanted' on here.

Lisa is the owner of the site and she knows how she wants it to be run.


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It does seem fairly like troll behavior for someone to come on and as their very first act to invest a substantial amount of time in critiquing how various members of an established forum handle their interactions. A typical member would work to become part of a community before embarking on a step-by-step attempt to explain to everyone else why what they are doing is right or wrong for their community.

I think it's fair to state that RatherIncoherent's behavior is fairly suspect. He is apparently being drawn into this by an existing member to "argue a side" (or simply to "cause trouble"). This is not the purpose of these forums.

RatherIncoherent - as you are clearly brand new, maybe you feel critiquing other people is a normal and accepted activity for a forum. It is not normal nor accepted here. While we would love to have you stay and be a productive member of our forum, if your sole purpose is to make judgments about other members then we will need to ask you to find another forum where that behavior is a focus.

I would ask other existing forum members not to exacerbate the potential troll situation here. Let us give him the benefit of the doubt for another post or two to see if he can adjust to the way our forum operates. The moderators will keep a close eye on any future posts he might make. If it does become clear that his main intention is to upset people or to criticize people, then we will take appropriate action.

Last edited by Lisa Shea; 01/28/11 12:52 AM.

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Originally Posted By: PDM
Rather Incoherent ~ I can assure you that the administrative team on this site know exactly what is and what is not 'wanted' on here.

Lisa is the owner of the site and she knows how she wants it to be run.


I meant no offense and I didn't intend to question your decision. My intent was to point out that it sounded as though you were telling other people what they wanted to hear, as opposed to saying that what was said wasn't allowed. The difference in the post I'm responding to now (as opposed to the 2nd one), is the phrase "on here." That implies what is wanted on the forums, as opposed to what is wanted in discussion.

Anyways, I'm not going to argue semantics. This never end well and it serves no purpose. My apologies for any misunderstanding.

P.S. I can't think of a way to say this that can't be read in a pompous manner, so please read this as though I asked with genuine confusion, because I do. Why is "wanted" in quotes. I honestly can't wrap my head around it and spent like 5 minutes trying to find a meaning behind this.

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I think it's fair to state that a moderator who has been in the forums for over six years, has made over 22,000 posts, and is generally lauded as being fair, understanding, and wise in her forum moderation, does in fact thoroughly know and understand what the forum exists for, what people who live in this forum want to hear, and what is appropriate.

If there is genuine confusion it is why someone who is brand new to a community would feel it is natural and in the spirit of that community to embark on a campaign of criticizing and critiquing all posters on the way in which they discuss issues and the language they choose to use. A sincere community member would first spend time in said forum and demonstrate that they are familiar with and accepting of the forum's community ethics and purpose.

If you don't accept our purpose or ethics, it seems fairly pointless for you to sign on solely to explain to our community why you don't wish to be a part of our community or why you disagree with what we do and why we do it.

Last edited by Lisa Shea; 01/28/11 01:11 AM.

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Originally Posted By: Lisa Shea
It does seem fairly like troll behavior for someone to come on and as their very first act to invest a substantial amount of time in critiquing how various members of an established forum handle their interactions. A typical member would work to become part of a community before embarking on a step-by-step attempt to explain to everyone else why what they are doing is right or wrong for their community.

I think it's fair to state that RatherIncoherent's behavior is fairly suspect. He is apparently being drawn into this by an existing member to "argue a side" (or simply to "cause trouble"). This is not the purpose of these forums.

RatherIncoherent - as you are clearly brand new, maybe you feel critiquing other people is a normal and accepted activity for a forum. It is not normal nor accepted here. While we would love to have you stay and be a productive member of our forum, if your sole purpose is to make judgments about other members then we will need to ask you to find another forum where that behavior is a focus.

I would ask other existing forum members not to exacerbate the potential troll situation here. Let us give him the benefit of the doubt for another post or two to see if he can adjust to the way our forum operates. The moderators will keep a close eye on any future posts he might make. If it does become clear that his main intention is to upset people or to criticize people, then we will take appropriate action.


*Shrug* I don't really know how to respond? May as well start with context:

I always communicate like this. In my view, there is absolutely no worth in stating an opinion if you don't do it thoroughly. Often times that drives me to go through absolutely ridiculous lengths to make points (or, in this case, to make a vast number of points).

Next, I admitted coming into this that I was told by an outside source to check out this particular thread. Isn't it then inherent that this would be the first thread I post in? Likewise, does "arguing a side" mean trolling? If people didn't argue for or against varying opinions, were there only one opinion (a fact), you would have a website that consisted of a single, public-notice sentence and not a forum.

As for making judgements: Did I? I'm asking to have my judgements pointed out here, because I didn't realize I was doing it. Later, when I'm a bit less flustered, I'll reread my post a few times and see what it was for myself.

If it's just the way I'm communicating that comes off as that, I'll try to change it (although, I find it funny in a rather depressing way that my natural method of communication is against the rules).

As for my "sole purpose", late to the party though I may be, didn't I offer advice? Yes, it was muddled by my massive number of individual responses, but in my 2 posts directed at the OP I made 2 points. The first was that it was really hard to judge the situation because the person sounded as though they were friends due to vagueness. My second piece of advice was, coldly, not to (emotionally) value the opinions of the internet. I admit that I wasn't able to give advice on the matter that was meant to be at hand (does he like me?), but I was able to give advice on either what the scenario was or what I needed to be more able to justifiably give that advice.

Anyway, I'm going to refrain from posting for a bit. At the time, I'm having a hard time thinking level-headedly. I'd explain why, but I doubt I could do it without being extremely aggressive at this point in time.

Joined: Jan 2011
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R
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R
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Lisa Shea
I think it's fair to state that a moderator who has been in the forums for over six years, has made over 22,000 posts, and is generally lauded as being fair, understanding, and wise in her forum moderation, does in fact thoroughly know and understand what the forum exists for, what people who live in this forum want to hear, and what is appropriate.

If there is genuine confusion it is why someone who is brand new to a community would feel it is natural and in the spirit of that community to embark on a campaign of criticizing and critiquing all posters on the way in which they discuss issues and the language they choose to use. A sincere community member would first spend time in said forum and demonstrate that they are familiar with and accepting of the forum's community ethics and purpose.

If you don't accept our purpose or ethics, it seems fairly pointless for you to sign on solely to explain to our community why you don't wish to be a part of our community or why you disagree with what we do and why we do it.


Look, there is no way for either of us to debate this. We have differing opinions here. Mine is that no one can say what someone else wants. I'd be willing to debate that within some contexts, but for the most part I wouldn't even consider it. When it comes to something like discussing life behind the veil of anonymity, I will never see anyone as having a right to speak for someone else.

I'm pretty sure that you have a differing opinion, so I'm not going to try to sway you on that. Last post I said that I wouldn't argue semantics; this post I'll say that I won't argue opinions. I'll have a checklist by the end of the day smile

Joined: Jul 2008
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RatherIncoherent, the reason your posts are making a poor impression is because you are a newbie who is coming on here criticizing people. We have no other context of you. So, we find it suspect.

I'd recommend not trying to wrestle the semantics in this thread any further. You have clearly stated your piece.

The best thing you could do would be to post in the other forums in a friendly way. Contribute to the many debate threads! There is a lot here to talk about.

You don't have to change who you are, but we do ask everyone to post things in as compassionate a way as possible. It doesn't come easy - we all have to work at it. smile

Joined: Dec 2004
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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
I agree.
Let's have a fresh start and see if we can reach harmony smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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