RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up The lyrics of "wicked game" have never rung truer

To be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure where to start, the entire thing is both extremely complicated and a story that's been told many times before.

Divided the post into two sections to make it less of an eyesore

v-------------long winded background starts here----------v
Me: I'm just short of 20, dropped out of high-school and got a college degree before I was 18, used to do modeling as a kid, a known DJ and mash-up artist with a worldwide fan base, own my own business, over 6'1, charming, attentive, all that stuff. On the surface it seems like I have everything going, but honestly, once you remove that outer mask, I'm more miserable now than I have ever been...

A while ago (a few years) I started talking to one of my old acquaintances, her and I became extremely close, best friends really. Ended up getting a job together working as apple thinners (was before I started my business), started talking. And after awhile started seeing each-other. We were in an open relationship for a year or so. Then a normal(ish) relationship for almost 6 months.

During all this time, everything had happened, family members dying, friends betraying us, conflict of religion (I'm buddhist, she's christian), my business, even people who actively tried to break us up, and yet, through all of that we still stayed strong. She was the one friend I could always count on for anything, and the same in reverse. Then all of a sudden she grew distant and almost depressed. She almost completely ignored me for almost a month. I went over to her house with an unspoken ultimatum to either find out what was wrong or break up with her. She broke up with me first. Said she was going through some personal issues, an extended "it's not you it's me" speech. I left soon after, leaving a hand-made paper rose (opus 482 for those who want to look it up) and our two favorite drinks in the driveway where my car was, had kept them in the car as a surprise gift.

Months pass (3? 4?) and I had completely withdrawn from her life.

Neither of us have been in another relationship since the break-up.

^-----------end of long winded background----------------^

Recently a few nights ago she texted me again, one A.M. or so, said she "missed my company". And then last night, I stopped by, we hung out for a while. She's not acting like "just friends" but I could tell that there was something on her mind. In addition to this she still makes the occasional slip up like still kissing my hand in order to steal the ipod away from me and even in the way she hugged me, like she didn't want to let me go again.

She is the only girl I have ever spoken the words "I love you" to, and truthfully, I still care for her just as much as I used to. I'm far from inexperienced, she was not my first... but she was the only one I've ever cared about, the only one who ever melted at my touch, and the only one who I ever truly trusted.

I have tried every way I knew to get over her, or at least deaden the pain a little, but no avail. I've always been the one that my friends come to when they needed advice but now I'm the one who needs help. So here I am. Unsure of what to do to the point where I'm willing to seek advice from complete strangers and hope for the best.

--Paper Fedora--

Hi Paper Fedora

A few things spring to mind, so I'll just post them.

You are 19 and quite successful for your age it seems. But still only 19, all the same, and that is very young. (I have sons in their 20s, by the way.) Some people do meet their life partners by this age ~ I did ~ but not many people do.

However, while many people have not met their life partners by this age, many have already fallen in love ~ and first loves are very very special.

You went out with this girl when you were just teenagers. Such relationships rarely last, as I said, but sometimes, even if they have already ended once, they can be revived. Someone else on this forum is going through something very similar.

Maybe she wants you back.
You say that you still care for her ~ do you want her back?
If so, and she, too, is keen, then give it a go.
You may or may not get hurt again ~ emotions run very high when you are young, but, if you are both willing to try, it might be worth it.

Why are you so miserable, if you care for her and she is back in your life?
Have a think.
What do you actually want to do?

Good luck