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Hello!
Well, this is a little complicated. I need an advice!!
During my first semester of college, I went to one of the sorority parties (in October) at school and a guy asked me to dance. We danced 3 or 4 songs and i did not know anything about him until November. I asked my friends if they knew who he was and I actually was told that he went to another school but that he was single. because we both belong to the same club but at different colleges, i attended the conference and I saw him but i did not talk to him. I wanted to but I did not dare to do so.
After that i did not know anything about him until January when he created a facebook account. When I found him on facebook I was VERY happy!! So, I sent him a message saying hello and asking him if he remembered me from the party. he replied a couple days later saying that he remembered me and asked me hos school was going. So we had our little conversation going on. Because Spring break was approaching, he asked me if I wanted to hang out during the spring. I was IN SHOCK!!! I never thought he was going to ask me that. I told him I did not know how to drive so he said he was going to pick me up. The first time we talked was on Saint Valentine's day!! He called me like at 11pm because I gave him my number that day through facebook. We talked for like 1.5 hrs...thats a lot for me because I do not feel comfortable talking on the phone. That was on a sunday. On Wednesday of that week, he called me to ask me if i wanted to hang out on Saturday. His plan was to teach me how to drive. But I said "no" because I did not want to learn on his car. Anyway, we hanged up that Saturday like at 7pm. we went to eat and then watched a movie. OHHH AND HE GAVE ME FLOWERS!!! That was SOO COOL!! I returned to my dorm like at 3am. haha
After that he called me almost everyday and we hanged up every saturday after that. I did not use to call him very often. Probably just called him 2 or 3 times total from February to April. He was very sweet! I felt good when i was with him. One time we even went to his house to eat something we had bought. we just ate!! i promise!! his parents were not at his house...so i did not get to meet them.
The second or third time we hanged up he asked me for a kiss. That was my very first kiss!! I was scared and nervous. He was very patient though. He tried to kiss me twice but both times I FAILED!!But no worries, because after that i got better, i think =D...
Everything seemed like my dream come true!! I was SUPER HAPPY but confused at the same time. I was scared of getting into a relationship because I did not want my parents to be upset with me.
He never showed any interest to meet my parents. He even said one time that he did not want me to meet his parents because it was too soon. The problem was that he never asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend. I really wanted him to do so. So, we kinda assumed we were a couple. We kissed but never had sex...thanks God!!
One time, we went out on a double date with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. we ate sushi and after that we just had ice cream. he returned me to my dorm and well we did a little more than kissing but DID NOT have sex!
He said that the next weekend we were going to hang out but during the week he just called me like once or twice. the next saturday, i wasnt feeling good so i told him that i was not going to be able to hang out. he said ok..he seemed to be ok with it.
the week after. i saw that on his facebook he had a girl's picture on his profile. i was a little jelous so i changed my status to SINGLE and he called me 5 times after i changed it but i did not answer because i did not want to say something i could probably regret later on. I was xxxxxx off because there were some problems going on at that exact time. So i was stressed out because of school stuff, i had problems with my friends, PLUS this problem with him...so...
I did not return the call because it was like 2am already when i saw the 5 missed calls. so the next day he sent me a txt messge saying "we need to talk". so we talked that night. he basically broke up with me because "we did not click". that is what he said at first. but when i asked him why he was breaking up with me he said that he did not have strong feelings for me.
it seemed like he wanted to cry but i dont know if he was faking it. he also said that he did not want to break up with me. but that he had to be honest with himself. i did not cry!! i was just smiling all the time. at the end, i did want to cry but i just didnt! i told him that i was happy as long as he was happy. He said he was surprised because I was not crying and because i was just smiling...He also said that we could still be friends and that i could call him or text him any time i wanted.
He left and it was until he left that it hit me! we were not going to hang out anymore! i could not hold my tears and everything went bad after that. I had a presentation that next day as part of my Final activity in one of my classes. I was crying throughout the presentation. but i never stopped smiling, though.this was on Friday. On Saturday, i sent him a text message asking if we could still hang out as friends. he replied saying yes and that he would call me.
The next day i sent him another text asking if i could call him. he called me like 3 minutes later. we talked for like 30 minutes and towards the end he asked me how i was doing. i knew he was talking about the break up. i just said i was happy and that i would prefer not to talk about that anymore. he said he missed me. i wanted to say a million things but i just didnt say them because i was too proud, i guess. I asked him if he could teach me how to drive and he said yes!! i also told hijm that my goal was to drive to Vallejo this summer because i wanted to go to Six Flags/Marine World, he said i was a little crazy and that he wanted to take me there!! I was very happy when he said it!!...he invited me to hang out the next Sunday. i said OK. but i sent him a message on Thursday saying that i could not go because i had some family stuff to do. so, i called him the next week on Wednesday for his birthday!! we talked for like 1 hr and 45 minutes. Neither one of us mentioned anything about the break up. we were laughing and stuff.
SIGH...i sent him another txt message the next day. he did not reply. i sent another txt the next day (friday)asking if he wanted to come with me to the park because my friend's sister was going to do her first communion. So, i called him an hour later and talked to him...that was the worst thing i could have done. We ended up talking about the break up. I asked what i had done wrong. he kept saying that i didnt do anything wrong and that both of us need space. i believe he was asking for space FOR HIMSELF. he also said that we cannot hang out yet because it was too soon and that we could not be friends YET..for the same reason. The phone call ended when i asked him if he wanted me to stop calling. he said I GUESS. So i believe he does want me to stop calling him. he said he had to go because he had to wake up early the next day.
THat was it. he broke my heart once again.
On facebook, I blocked him because i did not want to bother him anymore. but then i chenged my mind and unblocked him but i found out that i had taken him out of my friends list as well!! so we are not friends on facebook anymore. Last Thursday i went to the college he attends because i was visiting my sister. i was reading a book but then i felt like something made me look up and HE WAS WALKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! he was supposedly talking on the phone. he was wearing sun glasses so he pretended not to look at me. i saw him and looked away like if he was a stranger. the next day, i went back to the college for a meeting. i thought he was at HIS meeting (different club). so on our way to the car, my sister and I saw him talking to his friends ( males and females). i just passed by without saying hi or looking at him. i am almost 100% sure he saw me but ignored me as well.
So now i do not know what to do. i want to call him but i dont want to fight with him. i want to give him his space but i am scared that he will never call me or hang out with me any more. I miss him A LOT! I wonder if he will ever call me!!!
What should i do? I am learning how to drive and my plan is to obtain my license this summer so that i can take him to some place....should i??
I have a feeling that he did not want to break up with me and he just needed time and space. i was going to ask him if he was just playing with me but when he broke up with me, he said "dont think that i was just playing with you because i wasnt. i really was interested in you. I wanted to try! i noticed you were very sweet on facebook and i wanted to try!"
right now, i dont know what to think. I feel like i did not know what i had until i lost it. i want to let him know that i would like to try again..but my friends and sister tell me that i should move on. Plus, almost no one likes him. they say that he is very ...well, i dont know what the word is but he never smiles to strangers. haha...thats just the opposite of me! some people even say that i am too much for him. i dont think so. they say i am too smart and sweet for him and that i deserve some one better!OF COURSE! They are my friends and want to make me smile...that is why i do not know what to do....
Do you think he loves me? was he just playing with me?

Last edited by PDM; 05/23/10 02:12 AM.
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Hello Chikiwau


That is quite a lot to take in and it is very late, so I shall come back to it, re-read it, and give you my thoughts.

Maybe you will also get some advice from others.

I do wonder, though, if you changing your facebook status to 'single' might have affected his behaviour towards you.


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Hi PDM! Thank you so much! I know it is a lot and I appreciate your time and feedback!

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OK. Here goes:

You met him at a college party, in October, where he asked you to dance ~ and you danced together for much of the evening.

You next saw him at a conference, where:
Quote:
I saw him but i did not talk to him. I wanted to but I did not dare to do so.

In the January, you became 'facebook friends'.
Then he asked you to spend time with him during Spring break ~ he even offered to pick you up ~ and you were happy!
You talked a lot on the phone; he offered to teach you to drive; you had a meal together and went to the cinema; he brought you flowers!

He called you nearly every day and met up with you every weekend.
He asked if he could kiss you! It was yout first kiss.
This sounds wonderful and romantic. But you rarely phoned him.
As you say:
Quote:
'Everything seemed like my dream come true!! '

But, you also say:
Quote:
I was SUPER HAPPY but confused at the same time. I was scared of getting into a relationship because I did not want my parents to be upset with me.

So the first hints of something negative here are from you?
Why so scared?
As you say, you only kissed, and he even asked permission to do that.
You went to his house ~ alone with him ~ and nothing untoward happened.
Why would your parents be upset?
Quote:
He never showed any interest to meet my parents. He even said one time that he did not want me to meet his parents because it was too soon.

Actually, I can see his point. It depends on the family and the culture, but, from my point of view, parents are usually 'met' when things become more serious.
When I started dating my husband ~ when we were at college ~ I don't remember either of us getting to know parents for some time. After all, I was dating him not his family ~ and vice versa.
Quote:
The problem was that he never asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend. I really wanted him to do so. So, we kinda assumed we were a couple.

Someone else said the same thing on here recently, and I was quite surprised. I didn't think that boys asked girls to be their girlfriends ~ not after primary school, anyway.
I don't remember my husband asking if I wanted to be his girlfriend.
If a boy asks you out, and you continue to go out, you are dating ~ and if you are dating, then you are his girlfriend.
(It's usually other people who ask if you are his girlfriend.)
Quote:
We kissed but never had sex...thanks God!!
One time, we went out on a double date with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. we ate sushi and after that we just had ice cream. he returned me to my dorm and well we did a little more than kissing but DID NOT have sex!

Well, I personally wouldn't recommend having sex until someone is in a committed long-term relationship ~ but I know that there are plenty of people who would disagree with me.
Are you saying that he tried to encourage you to have sex but you refused?
Quote:
He said that the next weekend we were going to hang out but during the week he just called me like once or twice. the next saturday, i wasnt feeling good so i told him that i was not going to be able to hang out. he said ok..he seemed to be ok with it.

You also said that:
Quote:
After that he called me almost everyday .... I did not use to call him very often. Probably just called him 2 or 3 times total from February to April.

So he seems to have been phoning you a lot, while you hardly phoned him at all.
And then you didn't see him at the weekend ~ understandable if you were ill.
Were you ill, or just not in the mood to go?
Quote:
the week after. i saw that on his facebook he had a girl's picture on his profile. i was a little jelous so i changed my status to SINGLE

Ok, I can see how a picture of a girl on his profile might concern you ~ but it could have been his sister or his favourite singer.
If my boyfriend did that, then I would be concerned too, but I would ask him about it, not just change my status.
Quote:
he called me 5 times after i changed it but i did not answer because i did not want to say something i could probably regret later on.

So you didn't give him chance to explain?
Quote:
I was xxxxxx off because there were some problems going on at that exact time. So i was stressed out because of school stuff, i had problems with my friends, PLUS this problem with him...so...

You didn't really know if there was a problem with him. And it's not his fault that school and friends were stressing you out.
Quote:
I did not return the call because it was like 2am already when i saw the 5 missed calls.

Oh ~ you said that it was because you did 'not want to say something i could probably regret later on'
Quote:
so the next day he sent me a txt messge saying "we need to talk". so we talked that night. he basically broke up with me because "we did not click". that is what he said at first. but when i asked him why he was breaking up with me he said that he did not have strong feelings for me.

I wonder if that's how he really felt, or if he thought that you felt this way?
Quote:
it seemed like he wanted to cry but i dont know if he was faking it. he also said that he did not want to break up with me. but that he had to be honest with himself.

Why would he fake it? ~ Big boys don't cry!
And what did he have to be honest about, I wonder?
Quote:
i did not cry!! i was just smiling all the time at the end, i did want to cry but i just didnt! i told him that i was happy as long as he was happy. He said he was surprised because I was not crying and because i was just smiling...

Not everyone finds it easy to cry, but I should think that you smiling through all of this must have been difficult for him to deal with ~ especially if he were near to tears, himself.
Quote:
He also said that we could still be friends and that i could call him or text him any time i wanted.

So he wanted to stay in contact with you.
Quote:
He left and it was until he left that it hit me! we were not going to hang out anymore! i could not hold my tears and everything went bad after that. I had a presentation that next day as part of my Final activity in one of my classes. I was crying throughout the presentation. but i never stopped smiling, though.this was on Friday.

Hhmm..
Quote:
On Saturday, i sent him a text message asking if we could still hang out as friends. he replied saying yes and that he would call me.
The next day i sent him another text asking if i could call him. he called me like 3 minutes later. we talked for like 30 minutes and towards the end he asked me how i was doing. i knew he was talking about the break up. i just said i was happy and that i would prefer not to talk about that anymore. he said he missed me. i wanted to say a million things but i just didnt say them because i was too proud, i guess. I asked him if he could teach me how to drive and he said yes!!

He said that he missed you.
You said that you were happy.
You were too proud.
Quote:
i also told hijm that my goal was to drive to Vallejo this summer ..., he said i was a little crazy and that he wanted to take me there!! I was very happy when he said it!!...he invited me to hang out the next Sunday. i said OK. but i sent him a message on Thursday saying that i could not go because i had some family stuff to do. so, i called him the next week on Wednesday for his birthday!! we talked for like 1 hr and 45 minutes. Neither one of us mentioned anything about the break up. we were laughing and stuff.

So you let him down, after agreeing to see him?
Quote:
SIGH...i sent him another txt message the next day. he did not reply. i sent another txt the next day (friday)asking if he wanted to come with me to the park because my friend's sister was going to do her first communion. So, i called him an hour later and talked to him...that was the worst thing i could have done. We ended up talking about the break up. I asked what i had done wrong. he kept saying that i didnt do anything wrong and that both of us need space. i believe he was asking for space FOR HIMSELF. he also said that we cannot hang out yet because it was too soon and that we could not be friends YET..for the same reason. The phone call ended when i asked him if he wanted me to stop calling. he said I GUESS. So i believe he does want me to stop calling him. he said he had to go because he had to wake up early the next day.
THat was it. he broke my heart once again.

Perhaps you broke his, too?
Quote:
On facebook, I blocked him because i did not want to bother him anymore. but then i chenged my mind and unblocked him but i found out that i had taken him out of my friends list as well!! so we are not friends on facebook anymore.

Blocking someone on Facebook is not the way to stay friends.
Quote:
Last Thursday i went to the college he attends because i was visiting my sister. ... HE WAS WALKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! he was supposedly talking on the phone. he was wearing sun glasses so he pretended not to look at me. i saw him and looked away like if he was a stranger. the next day, i went back to the college for a meeting. i thought he was at HIS meeting (different club). so on our way to the car, my sister and I saw him talking to his friends ( males and females). i just passed by without saying hi or looking at him. i am almost 100% sure he saw me but ignored me as well.

So now youn are deliberately ignoring each other?
That isn't very mature ~ a 'hello' wouldn't go amiss.
Quote:
So now i do not know what to do. i want to call him but i dont want to fight with him. i want to give him his space but i am scared that he will never call me or hang out with me any more. I miss him A LOT! I wonder if he will ever call me!!!

In the past he called you a lot, when you fardly ever phoned him; a couple of times he arranged to meet you and you let him down; you put 'single' on your Facebook status; you blocked him as a 'Facebook friend'; you ignored him twice at his college; you smiled when he suggested that you break up ~ even though he was near to tears ~ and said that you were happy when he asked how you were feeling and said that he missed you.
Quote:
What should i do?

I think that it may be time for you to phone him ~ and to be honest with him.
Quote:
I have a feeling that he did not want to break up with me and he just needed time and space.

Possibly. Everyone needs their own space ~ even when they are dating.
But have you considered that he might have thought that you wanted to end the relationship, so he got in first, so as not to be too obviously upset?
Quote:
i was going to ask him if he was just playing with me but when he broke up with me, he said "dont think that i was just playing with you because i wasnt. i really was interested in you. I wanted to try! i noticed you were very sweet on facebook and i wanted to try!"

It could be that he likes you, but does not have romantic feelings for you.
Or it could be that he just doesn't feel that you are right for each other ~ perhaps because you have different ideas on things.
(Eg ~ you thinking that parents should be involved and you breaking a date with him for a family thing.)
Or it could be that he thinks that you did not have strong feelings for him and he wanted to end the relationship before he got badly hurt.
Quote:
right now, i dont know what to think. I feel like i did not know what i had until i lost it. i want to let him know that i would like to try again..but my friends and sister tell me that i should move on.

Maybe you are right.
Your friends and sister weren't dating him.
Quote:
Plus, almost no one likes him. they say that he is very ...well, i dont know what the word is but he never smiles to strangers. haha...thats just the opposite of me! some people even say that i am too much for him. i dont think so. they say i am too smart and sweet for him and that i deserve some one better!OF COURSE! They are my friends and want to make me smile...that is why i do not know what to do....

People don't like him ?
Is he not a good, decent individual?
They don't like hom because he is shy and doesn't smile at strangers?
Personally, I don't think that this is a valid reason for disliking someone ~ not unless he is actually rude or unkind to people as well.
Quote:
Do you think he loves me? was he just playing with me?

I cannot know whether or not he loves you, but he certainly seems to have given that impression.
Playing with you?
What bad things did he do?
I think that it is possible that he thought that you were playing with him.

The big mystery here concerns the photo of the girl on Facebook.
If she is special to him, and there was something going on between them, then, yes, there may have been something wrong with your relationship, but if there is a reasonable explanation for the photo, then it may be that this relationship has ended for no good reason.

Have you found out the truth about this?
Have an honest conversation with him.
He said that he didn't want to break up.
Tell him the truth ~ that you didn't want to, either, but that you do need an explanation, I think, for that photograph.

Good luck smile


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Hmm...

I do agree a lot with what PDM said, as in you may have given him the wrong idea many times when it seemed like you were trying to be careful. You should have let him explain, even though you were worried about what would be said.

It could be that he actually does want space, which is somewhat typical for a college age guy, and in that case it might be best to give him some time. But, it sounds like you're due for a phone call with him, and should explain what happened from your point of veiw. Ak him about the photo, because it seems to be the main problem. Tell him why you smiled (because if I were him, I would have thought you were smiling in relief to get rid of him), and that it was kind of a state of shock leading to tears afterwards (so it sounds).

Even if he still wants space, at least it'll feel like all the loose ends are tied up for the time being, and you might be able to try again later!

Just be open with him, that's the best thing to do. :3

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Thank You so much!
PDM,
WOW! Thank you so much for your time and your feedback. About the picture of the girl, they are friends. She has a boyfriend, according to her facebook relationship status. However, I noticed that several times he made comments on her pictures but he never made comments on any of my pictures. I understand that they are friends but i think that i would have been nice to have a comment on at least one picture. Now he doesnt have the picture anymore. I felt bad because one time when we were on the phone and I got his name mixed up. His middle name begins with "O" and since i never call him by that name i said another name and after that he called me Jessica. Jessica is the name of the girl on his picture. So, that made me think that he liked her and that he was just playing with me.
But the truth is that I do NOT want to be his friend because I want to be his girlfriend. I want to call him so bad but I have heard that the more I call or text him the farther away i am pushing him. which is exactly the opposite of what i want.
PDM, so you think i should ask him to meet up with me in some place so that i call tell him everything? What if he break my heart once again? What is he says that he doesnt want to try again and that he doesnt want to give me false hopes?
I really do not think that i can handle it anymore.\
Thank you once again for your feedback!! Hopefully you wont get mad because i keep asking for feedback smile

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hello Keruru!
Thank you for your feedback and for reading my LONG post!
I really appreciate it.
Yes, I agree with you but as I was telling PDM, I am scared of him breaking my heart once again. I REALLY want to talk to him and let him know that I feel like we have more things in common that he thinks. I have been told that if I want him back then I should cut all contact with him. Also, i have been told that i should give him time. and that he will contact me whenever he feels ready to be MY FRIEND. I do not want to be his friend!!!! and i want him to understand that!
SIGH....Should I try once again? What if i pull him away even more? This is the part where I am confused.
Sorry for keep posting and asking for advices....But i tremendously appreciate your time!!! Thank you!!!! =D

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I think you could try again. I wouldn't cut off contact, because that's a good way for him to just forget about you, or think you've forgotten about him and he might just move on.

As long as you come off as understanding, and explain the situation - why you want him back and why you think it didn't work, all sorts of things like that - I think you have a good chance at it if he REALLY didn't want to break up in the first place. If he tells you that he still wants more time, give it to him.

Just BE THERE; don't cut of contact and always be around if he ever needs you or just wants to talk. Make sure he knows you're still willing to be good friends if that's all he wants from you, even if it's just for the time being. :3

Edit: Even if you "don't want to be his friend", that's a big part of it. Being his friend DOESN'T mean that you can't be his girlfriend later, in fact if might even give you a better chance. A girlfriend IS just a glorified friend, anyways. He'll feel more comfortable around you, and probably get to know you and like you even better. And besides, isn't it better to be friends than nothing at all?

Last edited by Keruru; 05/24/10 06:12 AM.
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lol,this is kinda embarrasing but i have never had a boy friend or my first kiss, but i do have 4 other older sisters, one of them had a relationship kinda like this! smile so my advice is...well if i were you, i might just hook up again, but if he show any negitivity towards you or your feeling, id problebly break up, but by the way he sounds, he sounds like he is confused, but he sounds like a pretty good guy! hop what i said help you! wish you the best of luck! laugh


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ok, well, this will be my last post for the night, but just to say if he does break your heart again, then forget him, but if you guys do hook up again then yes, you SHOULD tell him everything you feel, try not to be nervous about it, and well, if this Jessica pops up again, then ask him if there is acually anything happening between them! :)well, night people, sweet dreams


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