RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Dating and Discovery

Dear Lisa,

I am wondering what if anything you know about internet porn addiction? Recently, I ended a year-long relationship after I learned that the guy I was dating had this problem. Initially, he hid this habit from me, and it wasn't until I questioned him about his odd behavior and the stuff I found on his computer that he disclosed and admitted that he had this problem.

He rarely initiated physical contact, not a kiss a touch, nothing. Although when we would go out with friends he'd pour on the affection making the appearance that there was tremendous chemistry between us, but when we got home and were alone one on one, nothing. He would avoid intimacy mostly claiming to be "tired" or pretend that the two drinks he had rendered him too intoxicated. One on one, he was detached, distant and I never felt like he desired me, although he claimed that he was extremely attracted to me.

Finally, after I confronted him about his behavior, he assured me that he would "work on it", but after several months of the same stuff, I broke it off.

I could kick myself because early on in the relationship I had a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right. However, I couldn't put my finger on it. I felt as though he was not being open and honest about himself. Like the real him was being surpressed. Can you shed some light on this addiction? For me, my ex's problem was an extremely confusing and an emotionally draining experience. I think it was extremely selfish of him to have deceived me in this way.

This guy needs an extensive therapy. If you really loves him, help him. Otherwise leave him, because most cases like this need a long time of therapy.

Good luck

Hello Nadia

I think that the Internet can be very addictive ~ and can take people away from their loved-ones.

I don't think that it matters what is is, but I do think that we all need to be very aware of what it does.

I find that I spend way too much time on this this forum ~ and also on family history sites. I think that this can have negative effects. I think that it does keep me away from my family more than I should let it. And I think that it makes me go to bed later than I should, so I get tired.

What I am saying is that for your partner it was porn; for others it might be gambling; for me it's a discussion forum and my family tree. But in all cases it's the lure of the Internet ~ plus the magnetism of other addictive matter. I don't understand why it is so magnetic, but I know that I am not the only person who says that it is addictive.

This man needs to do two things: sort out his Internet addiction and sort out why he needs to spend so much time looking at porn.

I don't think, actually, that it is very unusual for men to enjoy looking at soft porn. Anything violent, or involving vulnerable people, is obviously a no-no, though.

Could it be that he lacks confidence in himself?
Did he doubt your attraction for him?
Does he think that it is a 'problem'?
Has he been medically diagnosed as having an addictive personality?
Is he seeking help?
Has he tried to explain his behaviour to you?
How did he respond when you ended the relationship?

Is he really a porn addict, or does he ~ like many men ~ just enjoy looking at attractive unclothed ladies?

Your relationship was only one year long ~ had you known each other before?
Did you move in together?
Was the relationship always so lacking in affection?
What drew you together in the first place?
Was he obsessed by porn before you met him?
Had he been in a relationship before?
What sort of age are you both?
Does he have problems communicating with other people ~ especially women?

Porn is obviously very popular on the Internet; otherwise it wouldn't be there, but how far it is a problem for some people, I have no idea.

Is it that you want to understand your ex better?
Or are you hoping to get back together?
Or are you just wondering why you ~ a living breathing person ~ weren't enough for him?

Maybe someone else on here knows more about this subject & can give you better information.
Good luck!