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#386362 10/12/09 08:48 PM
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long post. i didnt want to do this because this gets me feeling so cheesy but i feel so torn apart right now. me and the girl went out for a year and a half. than everything became sour when she went to NYU (im in Maryland). All summer long we prepared for this, we were gonna get through this, become stronger, than once she got to NYU everything changed. i had trouble being in contact with her because she always was out trying to make new friends, which is understandable. i also hated her partying and drinking because it left me insecure and feeling like she would make a bad decision. first forward a couple of weeks. one day we had this really bad fight and we decided to take a break, after the first week she said she couldn't do this. that she was stressing to much about school and i was beginning to stress her out to. she said to give her space and that this was for the both of us. Keep in mind, shes the type of person who doesn't like getting close with guys, like hugging and touching. Thats what kept me sane during out break, knowing she wont make any mistakes like that. she said to me that when we were doing this that we would get together at the end. she assured me everyday there was no one in new york that looks good, or that shes remotely interesting. fast forward to yesterday, i was fighting for us to get back. I sacrificed everything, i changed my personality to benefit the relationship. I learned to keep my anger under control and everything, and it was frustrating because this one time she was the one that was always pushing me back saying how much she loves me but shes just so stressed right now. She said that she doesn't deserve someone like me, and i said that doesn't matter, i love you to much to let you go. than after we made up, 10 minutes later, she called me to say she had to tell me something. and i knew it, she made out with a guy (with tongue, which upsets me more). She said it was a big mistake but i didn't know how to react. What do i say in a situation like that? I STAYED FAITHFUL DURING THE BREAK, CAUSE SHE PROMISED ME WE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER. She said she only did it cause it she was so stressed. what do i do... i feel so torn apart. even though it happened during out break, her assurances were the only things that were keeping me alive. knowing she wouldn't do that.. i love her so much but i feel as if i cant over look this. she never sacrificed anything for me but claims that she loves me alot. i feel just so empty right now. its like, if she calls me tomorrow saying lets get back together, i know even though it may not be a good idea, i would still do it. cause i just want to be with her. i just dont know what to do anymore. she loves me, yet doesnt show it. she actually got agitated because i got so upset about this. she said “IT HAPPENED wHEN WE WERE ON OUR BREAK. DAMN. I ALREADY SAID SORRY” i dont want to feel this xxxxxxx anymore. these past few weeks have been the hardest ever.

Last edited by PDM; 10/12/09 11:21 PM.
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I really, really feel for you, Ipod. Of course you are hurting -- you obviously care a lot for this gal.

From what you wrote, just stepping back and looking at it objectively, it seems that this girl is not reciprocating your feelings much. You have made many sacrifices and she has not; you seem to be fighting hard to save the relationship but she does not.

I know it seems so hard on you right now, but in my opinion you should let go of her, emotionally. If things work out for you both down the line, great; if you each meet other people, great. Don't you think it would be wasting your time and energy to keep trying to make this relationship work for year after year? You sound like a caring person who deserves better. smile

#386375 10/12/09 11:26 PM
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Hello Ipodlover77 & welcome smile

I am sorry to hear you feeling so down.
Young love can be wonderful, but also painful.

Just putting your feelings on here should help you a little bit.

She may have done this because she was missing you.
She may not know exactly what she wants.

Both of you could change a lot in the next few years.
How old are you both?

Probably the best thing to do is wait until you can actually sit down together and talk ~ and see how things feel then. I know that it is hard, but young love sometimes can last a lifetime and sometimes it's just brief and sweet. Who knows what category this falls into, but it would be worth having a serious talk with her about everything.

Good luck smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #386384 10/13/09 02:27 AM
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yeah..
putting my feelings here do make me feel better but not by much frown
time feels so much slower.
the pain feels magnified as time goes by.
i just feel so hurt right now
shes a freshmen in college and im a sophomore.
it sucks. we're in opposite positions. She was always the one caring alot and me brushing it off. But we were always able to fix it because she lived 5 minutes away.
but now that shes in NY, and im in her position, she just doesnt care.
im trying so hard to fix this but slowly the realization is creeping in, this may be done
i talked to her bestfriend today, and she told me my ex gf didnt even know if she loved me. she said she knows that the ex cares me for me ALOT, but thats not what i want. I want to be missed as a BOYFRIEND not as a friend. Her friend also told me that the ex misses the feeling of just have a boyfriend, to have someone there for her. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL FROM THAT? DOES SHE MISS ME OR JUST HAVING A BOYFRIEND.

i cant get back together with her.
thats how i feel right now.
the pain is unbearable, just over a small tongue kiss that happened when we were broken up.
but the worst part is, she did it after ONE week. One week since we broke up and she tongue kissed a guy. and it hurts so much more because she actually THOUGHT THE GUY WAS HOT. SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM.
if i was always on her mind and that i stressed her so much than where was i when this happened..? did she think about me when she did this?
i went to my parties, but always kept a distance because i believed that we would get back together. it sucks knowing that she didn't feel the same.

Last edited by Ipodlover77; 10/13/09 02:40 AM.
PDM #386385 10/13/09 02:30 AM
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Originally Posted By: PDM
Hello Ipodlover77 & welcome smile

I am sorry to hear you feeling so down.
Young love can be wonderful, but also painful.

Just putting your feelings on here should help you a little bit.

She may have done this because she was missing you.
She may not know exactly what she wants.

Both of you could change a lot in the next few years.
How old are you both?

Probably the best thing to do is wait until you can actually sit down together and talk ~ and see how things feel then. I know that it is hard, but young love sometimes can last a lifetime and sometimes it's just brief and sweet. Who knows what category this falls into, but it would be worth having a serious talk with her about everything.

Good luck smile


i would love to talk to her...
but at this point..
it just feels like i cant trust her.
that every action she does is now driven out of pity.
this is a big mistake in my opinion from a person that supposedly loves me so much.
"She may not know exactly what she wants."
she tells me that all the time, but than she follows up with, i love u so much and i will always love you no matter what.

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im sorry for the multiple posts. i just feel crumier and crumier and i feel like this is the only way to vent.
everyone tells me i should end it. that i deserve better. even she said that i deserve better. yet i always find myself brushing all the things she does under the rug.
i understand that i did this earlier in the relationship so im trying to be understanding.
but never have i crossed this line
never would i throw away this relationship just because i was feeling stressed.
I DO DESERVE BETTER.
but why is it that i just want to be with her?
even if she hurts me this badly..
my roommate, my friends, they all tell me that if a girl makes you feel this bad than its just not worth it.
why do i find myself always trying than?
im so pathetic right now.

i just want to find a rebound girl. i feel as if i do that than i'll finally be able to accept that its over. but at the same time i want her to feel like i felt, which in other words is spite, which i know its bad.
it just sucks that shes able to kiss a guy, but im stuck here not wanting to get physical with girls afraid of that being the deciding factor on whether we get back together.
if she always figured we would get back together than she wouldn't have done that...
GOD. IM SO xxxxxx RIGHT NOW AND UPSET.
MY FEELINGS ARE SO JUMBLED.

i came up with a plan last next to shut my phone off and use another phone number for the week.
after i thought about it, i felt as if i could do it.
than ignoring her would be a piece of cake.
two hours later i already had a itch to turn on my phone
to see if she texted or called
she didnt...
why do i hold this little hope that we'll get out this stronger?
.......even though i repeat it, and i should realize it, i'll never fully accept that its over.
but i should, cause it feels that way.
why am i in this?
why am i trying for a girl that doesnt want it?
why why why?

Last edited by PDM; 10/13/09 09:08 AM.
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hello, I had a slightly different situation than you but I had to wait 6 months after we were already married for her to realize that I was the right one for her. I know this sounds a little weird but I can sympathize with you. and my prayers and thoughts are to you.

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thanks...
im just glad that there are people i can talk to and get feedback from.
sucks when your girlfriend was also your bestfriend.
and whens its done, your just left with yourself.

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Originally Posted By: Ipodlover77
...two hours later i already had a itch to turn on my phone
to see if she texted or called
she didnt...
why do i hold this little hope that we'll get out this stronger?
.......even though i repeat it, and i should realize it, i'll never fully accept that its over.
but i should, cause it feels that way.
why am i in this?
why am i trying for a girl that doesnt want it?
why why why?
Ipodlover, this is all totally normal & many people have felt the exact same thing, really. It does suck, and you may feel isolated and sad, but it will lessen with time. This may sound stupid but it's true: give yourself time to get over it, and try to spend time with other people. One or two or six months from now, you will feel a LOT better.

I hear you, about a rebound girlfriend, but maybe you should try to just take it easy, relationship-wise, for awhile. It's like a wound that will slowly heal.

#386405 10/13/09 09:16 AM
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I agree with P&R Mom ~ your feelings are totally normal.

You are probably in love with her, and feelings cannot just be turned off & on, yet you feel that you have lost her, so you are grieving. On the other hand, you are not entirely sure how she feels, so you are confused, and on top of that, you feel used and betrayed. It is not surprising that you feel bad.

However, this is not an uncommon scenario at your age. People change and relationships are affected. Emotions are heightened, so responses are particularly painful.

Time heals. It's true.

No matter how awful you feel, you know, deep down, that you do not want to be in a relationship, unless you are in love with her, and she is in love with you. You don't just want 'a friend' ~ and, really, you don't just want 'a rebound'. In time, you will find a girl who knows what she wants ~ and it will be you. Hopefully, you will feel the same way about her.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what age freshmen and sophomores are, but I can guess late teens or early 20s. As I said before, these romances can work. I met my husband in college and we are now in our 50s. For most people, though, they don't last. They are part of the joys ~ and pain ~ of youth.

Give yourself time. smile

Last edited by PDM; 10/13/09 09:17 AM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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