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Joined: Aug 2009
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so im in the navy, was over in japan for 3 years, about 8 months into beeing there, i notice this new girl who had just arrived from bootcamp, rite away i am attracted, but i didnt make a move because of all the talk that she was well known for being a slut. so any way she ends leaving my ship, and i dont think anything of it. well last october i was browsing on myspace when i come upon her profile, so i send her a message and rite away we hit it off. i was reluctent not to fall for her but with in a month of talking with her, i was knee deep in love. i played it off to all my buddys that i just wanted sex cuz i didnt want them disin me over it. but i was down for her. so we talk almost every day. but we keep it at a friendship and i had no problem with that. until i came to virginia, we continued to talk everyday, and one day i just out rite told her how i feel. i knew she didnt feel the same way but i still wanted her to know how i felt. so the next day she calls me and tells me thats shes coming down to see me, and i am excited nervous and frantic. so the day comes when we meet, i was pretty shy and reluctent with her, but all in all i thought we had a good time. we have sex that night. and i thought that we could go from friends to a couple. so she go's back to maryland and for about 3 weeks we are awesome. then i get a lil jumpy and sceptic on what she was doin. so i call her out on it. and she tells me that were just friends and i shouldnt worry bout who's she's with. so i leave it at that, but i am so in love with her i just keep goin with it. well we finally have a talk and she tells me that she's not intersted in me anymore and that i should move on. and i am shocked becase of everything she siad.so i get xxxxxx and hang up. but then i tex her that we should remain in contact and still try and work, she is cool with that. so we go on like b4. well she keeps givin me hints that she likes me and i take the bait and get cought up. we argude alot like a couple but were not. she keeps telling me to get over her but i cant. i even avoid talking to other women because i love her with all my heart! more then any love ive ever felt. and i still see a chance with her i just need to figure out what to do. she doesnt wanna talk about a relationship and now she barely wants to talk and i cant handle this, she's not at fault, i knew going into this what to exspect but u cant choose who to love it just happens. and i need her. i just wanna figure out a way to make somethin happen

Last edited by PDM; 09/08/09 11:46 PM.
Joined: Aug 2007
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Soulmate
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Soulmate
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Yes, you can choose who you love. That is why they give you a brain as well as genetalia. When you first saw her and heard about her reputation, you were using your brain and it told you that you would not want to be with someone who had slept with so many men that she was referred to as a "slut". If you had not gotten to know her and learned about other qualities she had then you would probably have passed on a relationship, based on her low moral code.

You did get to know she had other qualities, however. These qualities showed you another side that cause you to be attracted. You acted on your attraction and went one step further, and had sex. Unfortunately, for some young men who have not been in many commited relationships, sex is the binding factor that bonds them to their partner.

That is as it should be and what sex was intended to do in the first place. What you are failing to see, because you are too close is that she does not view sex in the same way you do.

She has been free with it and it means no more than a kiss to her.

The reality is that you were probably being tested for the quality of "kiss" you could give when she visited you. She has decided that you did not meet her standards.

That does not mean that you were not a good lover, it simply means that she is probably basing her judgement of a good relationship on sex and has "many" to choose from. She no doubt is looking for the ultimate experience and will continue to do so whether she is in a relationship with you or not.

What she is looking for has nothing to do with love or committment.

If you continue to persue her, you may convince her to be briefly involved and she may stay with you for a while enjoying sincere side of love. Eventually, she will break your heart and cheat on you and humiliate you and leave you even more miserable than you are now.

Cut your losses while you can and realize that you are obsessing on her for only a "part" of what you want.

You want someone you can love and who will love you and respect you and who you can introduce to your mother with pride. You do not want someone who, every guy you know snickers about behind your back.

If you doubt what I am telling you, ask around the local hang outs where she lives. If I am right, you will find more than enough guys that will fill you in on just how popular she is.



Cookie and Sweetie
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Don't chase her. Sometimes people want the attention and the feeling of being chased, but don't really want the person doing teh chasing. You don't want to be the chaser if she isn't all that into you, the way you are with her. It's bound to make you jealous, frustrated and sad.

So, stop texting her and calling her. Give her some space. If she has feelings for you, she'll contact you. And if she doesn't, then you'll know, and you can pursue a more balanced relationship.

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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
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Hello gearadrift smile

I'm sorry to hear your sad tale, but I think that you know, deep down inside, that Joandboys is right.

This girl is obviously attractive to men ~ you included ~ but she is not ready to settle into a 'couple' relationship, is she?

You need someone who cares for you, as much as you care for her; not someone who is willing to sleep with anyone she meets.



"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Cut her loose! And even if she contacts you after a while saying she misses you, it doesn't mean she really cares about you.

It just means she wants your attention and she likes playing around with you and your feelings. Unfortunately there ARE evil bi&@#&s in this world that enjoy screwing with our heads.

Only give her a chance if she actually PROVES that she changed and somehow miraculously realized you two are supposed to be together and acts on that. But that's a highly unlikely scenario...

I'm sorry for being so blunt bro, but I've dealt with this type of girl before. Going on insisting and hoping she'll be with you only brings you more pain. Letting her go will be hard, but well worth it, trust me. Try to forget about her and focus on something else.


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