RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Should i break off this relationship??

This girl and myself have been seeing each other now for 7months on and off. She is an old flame, we were boyfriend and girlfriend 2 years ago and got back in contact with each other a year ago. Seeing each other everyday, texting and phoning each other too. The first time we went out she broke it off pretty abruptly without any warning. I was devastated. Things have got pretty serious these past 3 months (continuously/no breaks ) however as we shared our feelings about how much we love each other. She stays at my house, I stay at hers. I've met her friends, she has met mine. She is 4years younger than me and we are both studying at university. Thing is, she doesn't want a serious relationship, "too much of a head-" as she puts it. She doesn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend tag. Fair enough I thought, I told her that I feel the same as we should be concentrating on our studies. I have met her parents and family many times, she however is “afraid” to meet my parents and family. Is this because she is actually scared or because she doesn't see a future for us, so eliminates the the drama of meeting my mum and dad and brothers. He never wants to go out for something to eat or to the cinema, “hate that romantic xxxx” she says. However we went out on Monday night, and were kissing each other all night. This was in full view of all her friends for the first time. She regularly gets drunk, I mean every weekend and nearly every night during the week. Many times she has flipped at me and called the whole thing off only for the next day to try to retract her comments and wants to get back with me. She blames the drink. Wisely or not, I have always give in because I don't want to see anyone else. I don't know if she really does love me, or if I'm just here until something better comes along. If she really loves me why does she not want a relationship? I know that she has a past record of dropping me with her mood swings. Does she want to see other people as well as me? Or is it that she really doesn't want to commit to anything. The reason I have doubts about her seeing other people is that at Christmas while we were split up, she had sex with her first boyfriend twice. She told me this last week. I haven't confronted her about this as its none of my business as far as I was concerned she didn't want anything to do with me. But it has put the seed of doubt in my head as I now know she is prone to that kind of behaviour. We were talking few weeks ago about our one night stands. she then went to look up one my one night stands on facebook. She called it off with me because she hated the thought of that girl "being with me". I told her that its my past and I cant change it. I'm over it, and that she had no right to criticise me for my past record. That 1night stand happened after she dumped me and before we got back in contact with each other. I'm at the point now that I might just call it off even though I love her, but I feel we're going nowhere and have always had a small bit of doubt which has now become serious doubts. So... as you can see I've many doubts. Maybe that's part of the whole experience of love etc. This normally wouldn't annoy me with any other girl, but I do love her so much and never felt this good with anyone else. But deep down I have always had a few doubts about her, is this normal? Am i a wuss for always going back? I want to commit, but have doubts about her. Apologies for the longness of the post, but I felt I had to tell the whole story. Can anyone offer me some advice, as I'm at my wits end.

If you can - read your post as if someone else posted it.

You have huge doubts - she has problems. Is her actions the actions of a person that you want to try to have a long term relationship with.

It also doesn't sound like it would make one bit of difference if you commit to the relationship, even with your doubts, if she is not willing.

[quote]Should i break off this relationship??[/quote] I cannot say what you should do, but what is my initial response to this question, when posed as the title to a thread? If you have to ask the question, then maybe you should. [quote]we were boyfriend and girlfriend 2 years ago ....... The first time we went out she broke it off pretty abruptly without any warning. I was devastated.[/quote] Have you sorted out why she dropped you before? Have you accepted what happened, or is it still an issue for you? If you were devastated then, and you have taken her back, then you must care a lot ~ but have you had your doubts and questions dealt with about what happened? [quote]She is 4years younger than me and we are both studying at university.[/quote] Age can affect some relationships; how old are you both? [quote]Seeing each other everyday, texting and phoning each other too. ... Things have got pretty serious these past 3 months (continuously/no breaks ) however as we shared our feelings about how much we love each other. She stays at my house, I stay at hers. ... she hated the thought of that girl "being with me". we went out .. and were kissing each other all night .. in full view of all her friends Thing is, she doesn't want a serious relationship ...... She doesn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend tag. [/quote] I know that relationships seems to be different now from when I was younger, but, all the same ... You describe what sounds like a very close loving relationship, and then say she doesn't want to be known as your girlfriend?! This doesn't make much sense to me. If a boy and a girl are dating, staying overnight together, kissing and cuddling, and saying how much they love each other, then I'd say that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I think, if I were you, I, too, would be concerned as to why she doesn't like this idea. She says that 'she doesn't want a serious relationship', but what exactly does she mean by this? Does she love you or doesn't she? If she does ~ and you indicate that she says that she does ~ and you love her ~ then how can it [i]not[/i] be serious and how can she [i]not[/i] be your girlfriend??? I can understand that she want to put studies first and that she might be sensible enough to realise that young love does not always last, but all the same. I could also understand if you wanted a physical relationship, but she wanted to wait for a long-term serious relationship, yet you say that 'at Christmas while we were split up, she had sex with her first boyfriend twice'. [quote]she however is “afraid” to meet my parents and family .... Is this because she is actually scared or because she doesn't see a future for us, [/quote] Does she think that they will assume that marriage is imminent? Is it that she thinks you are trying to push her into engagement or marriage, before she is ready for that? Do they know about ~ or does she think that they may know about ~ her sexual encounters over Christmas? [quote]She regularly gets drunk, I mean every weekend and nearly every night during the week. Many times she has flipped at me ....[/quote] Drinking is very bad for her health ~ extremely bad at this high level. Read this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/womens_health/issues_alcohol.shtml Do you think that things may continue like this? For how long, do you think? It could be quiote a responsibilty for you, if she drinks at this level on a regular basis. [quote]I don't know if she really does love me, or if I'm just here until something better comes along. If she really loves me why does she not want a relationship?[/quote] Exactly. You need to sort this out. Perhaps she is too young to be sure what she wants. Perhaps alcohol is having an effect on her. [quote].. at Christmas while we were split up, she had sex with her first boyfriend twice. She told me this last week. I haven't confronted her about this as its none of my business as far as I was concerned... it has put the seed of doubt in my head as I now know she is prone to that kind of behaviour.[/quote] so this was during the '7months on and off'? Well, I know that you had split up, but, if it were me, I would find it very hard to accept that someone who loved me would be off having sex with someone else as soon as they had the opportunity ~ even if they had split up. I, though, am in my 50s and have always thought that sex was for long-term relationships with the love of one's life ~ so you need to take my preconceptions into account. [quote].. We were talking few weeks ago about our one night stands. she then went to look up one my one night stands on facebook. She called it off with me because she hated the thought of that girl "being with me". I told her that its my past and I cant change it. I'm over it ... [/quote] It's difficult for me to comment, since the idea of one night stands is completely alien to me. However, if you are both comfortable with it, then neither one of you can criticise the other for this sort of thing. She should not feel unvomfortable about that girl if she expects you to accept that she had sex with her ex over Christmas. [quote]I'm at the point now that I might just call it off even though I love her, .... I've many doubts. Maybe that's part of the whole experience of love .... I do love her so much and never felt this good with anyone else. But deep down I have always had a few doubts about her.... I want to commit, but have doubts about her. I have always give in because I don't want to see anyone else[/quote] You love her and want to commit. She says that she loves you but doesn't even want to be known as your girlfriend. You need to get to the bottom of this, if you do stay together. If you love her, then you really need to try to sort this out, whatever tyou eventually decide to do. I agree with BLR: 'read your post as if someone else posted it'. How would yopu react if a friend had similar problems? How would [i]you[/i] respond to this post? You have a lot of thinking to do ~ and probably some serious talking with this girl. Find out how she really feels and what she really wants.