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#346160 - 01/09/09 08:27 PM Generational debt: Curse  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,720
Niki Offline
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Niki  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,720
New York
It seems to be a curse to me, either in mindset or whatever, or being in debt. I tried to avoid it myself by totally avoiding credit cards (successfully!) but then I had to go get sick and end up with a 18k medical bill with no hope of ever paying!

But besides the specifics, how does one get over this? One is raised in a family that is always scraping by and always in some sort of debt. We may have hope for a better career as being college grads, but do we really? I wonder if I'm just really naive in thinking "it'll get better" or that the bills will just go away. But I'm in no better medical condition, and either I keep getting sicker or the bills keep piling up.

My only mode of stress reduction has been drinking and smoking, not healthy and the hubbie hates it. I over-drink when I do, and smoking at all just isn't wise. But there's no escape, few friends to vent to, and the stress gets worse. On top of MY debt, my parents are in a free-fall and I worry about them terribly.

I thought about getting counseling, and I mentioned to hubbie that I feel the need for "help." He's the psychologist though, and I think the thought of his wife needing therapy is a little troubling. Then again, can't afford it anyway!

So as the forum topic describes, reducing stress and living a happier life.. how does one do so and can one always..?

#346162 - 01/09/09 08:48 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Niki]  

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I don't know if I can answer because I'm going through my own personal struggles.
I lost my job 2 years ago and haven't been able to get another. I'm fortunate that my husband has a good job, but how good is good? I'm in my 50's with a 30 year mortgage and wondering if I will be able to keep my house.
My health is fair and I'm constantly worrying about my husband. As the breadwinner, everything falls on him and he's not that healthy. So, I wonder will I be able to stay in my current house, help my kids and future grandkids? My friends seem to be doing so much better than hubby and I and I'm envious. HOw do I cope, I don't think I do. I find myself drinking more, having anxiety attacks and not sleeping. So you see Niki, it doesn't get easier as you get older.

If you feel you need help, see a counselor, it always helps to talk to someone.

Last edited by luv my bird; 01/09/09 09:14 PM.
#346173 - 01/09/09 10:44 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: ]  
Joined: May 2006
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Carl Offline
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Carl  Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Gator Country, Florida - USA
Marge and I have gone through a lot of troubles since 2002, and are still doing so. My Mother is in the hospital again, and my Mom-in-law is now living with us - recuperating from a broken femur and a broken collar bone. In addition, my calico Princess cat still has an inch and a half diameter place to the right of her spine at the very rear of her back that has not yet regrown skin and fur. We've been doing wound care every two to three days, and have spent over $3000 since December, 2006 - money that we really cannot afford.

Marge's and my website has a page about Marge's journey with ITP - a blood disorder. Somehow we were able to get financing to put a manufactured home on the five acres I had bought with 401K money several years back. Nonetheless, with all the medical debt, we had to declare bankruptcy.

And yet, I am still learning - what seems like there is no way out, will be seen by me next year as having worked out - perhaps not just as I would have wanted, but not in total disaster, either.

I am learning to trust God, and I am learning to live in the moment.

Yet, I am human enough to worry. In fact, I probably worry more about the small details than I do about the big things.

I agree with Lady Di - see a counselor if you need to. No disgrace, I think, and if any think that, then they are not really your friends, anyway.

I don't mean to be insulting, but it troubles me that a psychologist would be bothered by your wanting help!


Last edited by Carl; 01/09/09 11:04 PM. Reason: 2006, not 2003

Marge is the love of my life.
#346179 - 01/09/09 11:00 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Carl]  
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Niki Offline
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Niki  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
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I don't think it really troubles him, it's my assumption. I think it bothers him in a general fashion that I'd be so distressed. I told him I've had destructive thoughts, I just don't think he believes that I'm doing that bad.

But I guess everyone's going through their financial distress with the way the country is now. I'm lucky Steve has a job, and maybe I was stupid for quitting mine, I don't know. I'm not as bad off as the majority of people/families..


#346230 - 01/10/09 03:25 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Niki]  

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Niki, I think it's natural to be down and worried, but to say that you've had destructive thoughts is extremely upsetting.
Whatever is really bothering you, please oh please talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. MAKE HIM LISTEN. Please talk to someone. Everyone has problems. On this website there are people who are living day to day wondering how they are going to survive. Don't think you're alone in this.

Last edited by luv my bird; 01/10/09 03:26 PM.
#346317 - 01/11/09 01:59 AM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: ]  
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Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
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Hi Niki

Do you have any idea what in particular is getting you down?

Sometimes we feel really down because of specific problems.

Sometimes we are suffering from clinical depression.

Sometimes it's a mixture of the two.

If you need counselling, then it could help to prevent more problems down the line ~ a sort of investment in future good health.

The current global recession is a huge worry for everyone. I think that your system of having to pay for medical treatment is a very unfortunate one, but, presumably, it's one you all have to cope with.

Meanwhile, learn some relaxion methods.

Lie still and relax every muscle in turn ~ slowly.

Do some deep breathing exercises.

Slap the wall, with a wrung-out wet towel.

Scream.

Punch a pillow.

Go for a run or a cycle ride (somewhere safe)

Talk about it.

Take care! smile

Last edited by PDM; 01/11/09 02:00 AM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#346405 - 01/11/09 03:14 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: PDM]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,720
Niki Offline
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Niki  Offline
Best Friend

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,720
New York
I can't respond accurately right now cause hubbie and I are fighting. =/ On the third day now. I have no where to escape in this house. No where to go outside of it with no money and no metro card or car (gotta love suburbs of nyc). So I'm exceptionally upset. I would at least buy cigs and walk around the park, but no money and he'd throw a fit if I went out walking by myself.

#346411 - 01/11/09 03:44 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Niki]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
Carl  Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Gator Country, Florida - USA
Niki, despite our tiffs in the Religious Research section, I care about you. Do you need to go to a shelter?


Marge is the love of my life.
#346419 - 01/11/09 04:35 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Carl]  
Joined: Dec 2005
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Niki Offline
Best Friend
Niki  Offline
Best Friend

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,720
New York
Thanks Carl. But no, my husband would never lay a finger on me. Yell at me like an immature idiot and ignore me while I cry myself to sleep, maybe.

#346660 - 01/13/09 05:51 PM Re: Generational debt: Curse [Re: Niki]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 34
mma7402 Offline
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I agree with the people saying that counseling could be a great idea. I had been seeing a therapist myself for two weeks before I went on vacation and the one thing I learned is that you can let yourself go. I sometimes yelled and screamed at him, but they always accepted it.

Debt wise I would say that in hard times like these the one thing is you have to stick together. I use to personal train at an everyday gym but lost a lot of clients because of their economic problems. I made the decision and switched to training athletes and the payoff is rewarding. The one thing that kept me going was my girlfriend and her family. Sometimes you might need to make a career change or do some odd jobs or hobbies for money.

Do you have any hobbies that can possibly earn extra cash? I do mixed martial arts and I know of several amateur fighters who only fight so they can earn money to pay the bills.


"Teneo haud fines finium"

"Veritas et Aequitas, Haud misericordia."



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