RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Confused, Hurt, Not Sure . . .

OK, here goes. I have been dating my partner for nearly 8 years. Its had more downs, and a some ups. I love my partner with everything that I have. My partner has a son, which I have been in his life since before he was born.

A few months ago, I had been noticing that my partner was doing things differently. Making phone calls after I left and etc etc.

So I found out that my partner had been talking to this other person. To make a long story short, we are so close to actually verbally breaking up, that its tearing me apart.

My partner says that they are depressed (arent we all at some point) and unhappy and etc. Also that they are thinking that they need to be alone and not date anyone until they feel they can date and not let the other person down or unhappy. My partner feels that they let me and the son down. I dont feel the have.

I feel that I let them down with all the yelling, fighting, screaming, and plain out temper issues.

I believe that they are dating another person b/c of notes, messages and stuff that I have read. I have confronted my partner but they just dont talk about it, but have slipped when I have asked questions like.."If I have to leave are you going to move in with them." and they say they arent and doesnt really know what they want, but are afraid that if they make the wrong decision that they will lose me.

I love my partner and its been really xxxxxx, but I made a promise many years ago to be faithful and no matter what, try to fix things and no go to bed angry etc.

I dont know what to do, I feel they are waiting til after Christmas to VREBALLY make a decision on whether they want to be with me and fix things or separate.

I am on a brink, I have changed things and have well.. what do they call it. Seen the light. LOL. I havent yelled, nor many other things. We even made love the other night, and its been years!!!

I feel its hot and cold now. One min we are ok, and the next min I feel my partner is distant.

I dont know what to do.. feel free to ask questions etc. if it will help..

thanks!

Heartbroken...

I am sorry to hear this -- eight years is a long time.

The only thing I can suggest is: Is there any way to "cool it" for several weeks, in terms of emotional turmoil?

You can't just turn off your feelings, of course, but would it be possible to sort of back off a bit (try to ignore it when you feel your partner is distant, for example), get through the holidays, and try to focus on the positive aspects of the season?

I guess you could call it "conscious denial" or "putting on a happy face" -- very, very difficult, but it might be a way to put the sensitive issues and feelings on the back burner and give yourselves some space from all the turmoil.

Just an idea...

Hello & welcome BrokenInside

Yes, As Pudgie's Mum says, 8 years is indeed a long time.
And a lot can happen in 8 years.
People can grow closer, or they can grow apart.

You are not alone. A number of other people on the forum have partners who have suddenly said that they feel the need for a break, or to be just friends.

I feel that this is a gentle way of saying that the person will always hold a special place in their heart, but that they are no longer in love with them ~ or, at least, no longer sure that they are in love.

If there is sadness ~ depression even ~ and shouting and lost tempers, then it is not surprising that the relationship is failing. And it can't be good for the child.

The question is whether the screaming is the result of a failing relationship, or whether the failing relationship is a result of the screaming. Either way, you will both need to decide whether you are going to try to save it. If so, relationship counselling might be a good idea.

Maybe the 'someone else' has come on the scene because of all the misery, and if things improved, that person would stop being involved in your lives. Or maybe your partner has really found someone new.

It might be worth stepping back, looking at the relationship, and trying to be objective about it.
Could you sit down together, with no outbreaks of temper, and discuss it quietly and objectively?
If you want to save it, it might be for the best.

And do please bear in mind the child's thoughts and fears.

Good luck!