RomanceClass Forum Logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
#335250 10/31/08 03:13 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Great Friend
OP Offline
Great Friend
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Ok here is the situation:

I am currently in the process of getting a divorce (which will be final sometime next month). Only 2 months after my X and I split up, I met another guy who I really liked. We started dated and he helped me a lot emotionally to recover from the break up with my X. However, in the process we both hurt each other a lot because of the baggage I had from my old relationship.
He moved in with me very quickly because he was laid off his job and his landlord was a jerk, and I felt bad for him because he had no where else to go at that point. Once we moved in together, we argued a lot. We also had a lot of good times.

Recently, we moved into a new apartment and at first everything was great. He then got laid off his job again (he does construction work, which is sucking right now because of the economy)and it became difficult to pay the bills. On top of that, the motor in his truck blew so he couldnt find another job. I had to get a new job that pays more to support us (I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter from my marriage). We fought so horribly during this time, Im not sure if we can ever repair our relationship. We both have said horrible things that the other will never forget.

Now he has a job and his car is fixed, but we are really behind on our bills and I know both of us are stressed out. I work full time and go to school three days a wekk at night. I also have my daughter who I miss and want to spend time with whenever I am home. My boyfriend watches my daughter when Im at school.

The other night we got in the worst argument yet because he did not work that day (it rained) and instead of trying to clean up the house or do something constructive he went and hung out with his friends all day, and then wanted me to cook dinner and clean up that night when I got home from work and stayed home sick from school. (we have a schedule, and it was "his day" to cook.) I had a complete breakdown and took my daughter to my mom's house. My bf called me, wanted me to come home, said horrible things to me, accused me of cheating on him, came to my mothers house and left again, and eventually said he would kill himself, all in an attempt to get me to come home that second like he wanted me to. I stayed the night over my moms, and went home the next morning. We made up, and decided to give it one more try, but since then I feel numb, like I dont want to do this anymore. I do care about him, but Im just sick and tired of all the problems. Im afraid to break up though because of 1) my daughter, who loves my bf and has seen him as a father, 2) the bills, which would be hard for me to mana ge on my own, and 3) fear of being alone. I just cant see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy, and for me, there is not point in being in a relationship with no final goal of marriage.

Please help me (sorry Im so long winded.)


~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,645
Tin Star Soulmate
Offline
Tin Star Soulmate
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,645
Well first off you need to learn to like yourself so you don't let others treat you like they are treating you.

I hate to say this but you moved in with this guy way to fast and he seems to have a control issue. I guess I myself would say you need to get away from this guy.

Is there a possiblity that you could move in with your mom and help share expenses until you are on your feet?

There are other guys out there quit letting him make you feel sorry for him. They say the only one you have control over is yourself so believe me if you think you are going to change him your not.

So move out or get him out and start working on yourself. If you don't you will be just in for more of the same.

Just ask yourself would you want your daughter to be in this relationship if she were you? Or would you want her out of it?



My name is Connie
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
Soulmate
Offline
Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
I agree with Pretty Bird...really, it shouldn't be about you and him, but about your daughter. Regardless of whether she sees him as a father figure, she is also seeing you guys fight and argue, which is affecting her, even though she is so young. Do you really want that for her? Do you want her to have issues with trust and the wrong ideas about what is right in relationships? I know it hurts to go through a break up and you want nothing more than to be made to feel loved and safe again, so you cling to whoever comes along that makes you feel good, but it's a rebound and not really built on anything solid. Once the novelty wears off you have nothing left but emptiness again. Maybe you could live with your Mom until you get back onto your feet? You have to heal yourself and be right with you before you can bring someone into your life, because right now you are wanting him to make you better, and it's not working.

Good luck!


The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Great Friend
OP Offline
Great Friend
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
I know the rebound thing was a bad idea...

I actually tried to break up with him twice in the beginning but I couldn't do it. I was so scared of being alone and at the time he seemed wonderful. I really liked the way he treated me and my daughter before.

I guess Im finally really starting to get over my ex and it has made me see my current boyfriend in a different way. I find myself wishing that he were different in certain ways all the time, and then I fell guilty, like I take him for granted or dont appreciate him.

I feel so confused and kind of like Im just waiting for the next fiight so this can be over with. And I get the feeling that he thinks the same thing. We are just akward now.

As for the bill situation, I really cant do anything but stick it out. I live in an apartment and its my first time renting so In really dont want to default on my lease. I guess I would just have to turn the cable off (I dont really watch TV anyway) and try to cut down on other expenses.

Sigh...

Thanks for your advice and insight guys.


~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,426
Best Friend
Offline
Best Friend
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,426
Honey,

You need to do whats good for you and your daughter, and that is letting this man go. Eventually the fights will get worse and maybe even abusive if they haven't gotten there already, soon your daughter will be brought into the situation, again, if she hadn't been already and that can REALLY damage her later in life.

Thats my 2 cents, I hope it helps


Feeling inconstant would drive me insane, Flesh, to blood, to bone my love, twisted...Is It Real?
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
Soulmate
Offline
Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
Where's your daughters father? Does he pay support? If he doesn't, I advise you to stick it to him, she is his child, too. Don't let him get away with not helping to support her. That money could help you to pay your bills, keeping a roof over your daughters head is part of that support, not just diapers, etc. If the system isn't goingafter him the way that they should, bug the heck out of them, make yourself known, be at their door when they open in the morning and let them know that you won't take it lying down. There are also companies that will help you collect your payments, they take part of your money, but it's worth it to make him know that you aren't going to let him not pay.


The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Great Friend
OP Offline
Great Friend
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Actually, I don't know where he is. Its a unique situation.

My daughter's father is an illegal immigrant from Mexico. He has only paid me $100 dollars and does not see my daughter or have any interest in her life. He stole $1000.00 out of the bank account as soon as he was able(which was in joint name when he got out of jail and had the recently deposited tax refund money in it.) I filed for child support, but there really isnt anything they can do to him, especially now that I dont know where he is.

He assaulted my boyfriend in May and had to go to court earlier this month. His is on probation and so he dodnt go to the hearing. Now he has a warrant out for his arrest for failure to appear. This is why he disappeared.

I sure can pick em, cant I?

I guess this will give you all a little insight into why I thought my bf was so great at first.


~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
Soulmate
Offline
Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
We all make bad choices, not many people can say that they have always chosen the best person to share their life with. You just need to focus on you and your daughter and try to make the decisions that you know are the best...and you know in your heart what is best, it's just hard sometimes to see past our hurt. We always want to see the best in people and sometimes you try too hard and make people into something they aren't. It gets easier. I was in a situation somewhat like yours. My ex had come along at a time when I was hurting bad from a recent breakup and I thought he was the cat's meow...we had a rough relationship, but I loved him, so I made excuses for our behavior. Now that I am in a stable relationship I can look back and see that maybe it wasn't as great as I had ever thought it was. I was just wanting him to fill a void. Being a single parent is tough, too, but you can do it. Take everything one day at a time, and take everything with a grain of salt. Doing it on your own will do things for you that you would have never imagined!


The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Great Friend
OP Offline
Great Friend
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 468
Thanks for the support! It is really hard to be alone, but in the end, whenever things are rough, I always look at my daughter and smile, because in the end shes the one who really matters most to me.


~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
Soulmate
Offline
Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,205
It also helps to have a good support system. If you don't have much family or friends you should look into finding a Mom's group in your area. Not only will you make some nice friends, but you might be able to share babysitting duties so you can get some you time!


The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Lisa Shea 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Latest Posts
Avoid Ghosting a Person
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:22 PM
Go To A Museum
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:17 PM
In Sickness and in Health
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:05 AM
i like my ex's friend
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:03 AM
Getting Closer to a Sibling
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:59 AM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:54 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

Newsletter
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Advertising
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5