RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? He's too busy!

[font:Comic Sans MS][color:#006600]Hi, I’m a college girl and I have a question that has kind of a long story to go with it. So here goes: I've known this guy for two years now. I'd always thought he was cute and really nice, but was never fully interested in him until about a year ago. He was a senior in college with a very demanding major and a job, and never seemed to have any spare time. Whenever I had a chance to talk to him (mostly on AIM) I would ask him if we could hang out sometime. His answer was always "I'm really busy". Often he would say that he would have more free time in the next semester, because his classes would be easier. But that didn't end up happening; his classes were as demanding as ever. I felt like maybe it was his way of letting me know he wasn't interested. But, whenever I ran into him on campus, he would apologize for not having enough time and would spend a few minutes talking to me even if he had to run to his next class. Towards the end of the year (i.e. a few weeks before he graduated) he and I had lunch together a couple times on the days when our schedules matched up. It only for about two weeks and then it was time to prepare for finals and he was busier than ever. I got to see him once during finals week since I asked him not to leave without saying goodbye. A group of our friends were hanging out and he stopped by. Now, he's working full time and I get to talk to him on AIM sporadically. He's very very involved with his work and doesn't seem to have time for anything else except eating and sleeping. I will be leaving in a few weeks to spend a year abroad, so I’m not looking for something to happen right now. He knows that I’m leaving too, but when I asked him if we could hang out one last time before I leave, his answer was the same “I’m too busy with work right now”. On my asking him, he said he would definitely keep in touch with me when I’m away. He also said that things would be different when I get back. When I asked him if I would get to hang out with him again, he said that he's going to be working really hard for the first year at least, because he doesn't want to lose his job, but after while things would get easier. I don't really know what I should do. I think he's a great guy and I would really like to have a relationship with him. On the other hand he seems too involved with his job to care about anything else right now and that makes me want to give up. But I do feel like with a little bit of time, he might actually warm up to the idea of being in a relationship with me. My question is: Is he really interested in me and should I wait for things to get better? or should I forget about him and move on? [/color][/font]

I think since he has no time for you he might not yet be ready for a good relationship. So you just have to move on and find somebody else that you can get along with and will have time with you. You can watch The Devil wears Prada as its a good movie to past your time away.

Unfortunately, you have not had enough time with this young man to be able to dicerne a lot about him. He obviously has enough time to get on the computer occasionally. Most people also have enough time to eat or study at a library or at home while enjoying the quiet company of a companion. Serious students often do this to allow themselves the much needed respit from constant study to enjoy some momentary diversion. It is unbelievable to think that he cannot think of some way to share time even if it is a half hour for eating in the company of another. Having said that, let's assume that he has not had a moment in all this time. If you did persue a relationship, it sounds like he would be a workaholic who would always be promising you more time in the future. Let us further assume that if you were to marry and raise a family that he might again be continually promising more time in the future. This does not sound like much of a relationship or a marriage. Withdrawing to the present, he apparently enjoys your casual friendship. If you are to believe that he does not have time for you then he does not have time for anyone else. That being said, you can continue communicating without fear that he will find someone else in the meanwhile. You could maintain a friendship, and continue to date others and see where it leads. In my opinion, it would be innapropriate to pin your hopes solely on him to the exclusion of others. I believe that if he were really interested in something more than casual friendship he would have "created" time for the two of you. Another fact has to be raised as a possibility. You find him to be attractive and a good friend but you know only what he has told you and nothing of what he has not told you. I would consider the fact that he may be gay and has not revealed this to anyone yet. He may not have even admitted it to himself although that is highly unlikely. You would not be the first person to have an attraction and a wonderful friendship with someone under these circumstances.

Hi Golden.Sunshine & welcome

Yes, I agree with Jo.

It seems to me that he either doesn't wish to pursue a romantic relationship, and is using work as an excuse, so as not to offend, or he really has no spare time, because he works extremely hard ~ and though he promises this will change, it hasn't so far, and may not in the future.

He either doesn't want anything more than casual friendship or he hasn't the time for anything more than casual friendship.

Of course, things may change.
People do change.
Who knows.
However, nothing has given him the incentive to change yet.

Good luck!

It think that you should just move on and find a guy that will have time for you and once your other guy has more time on his hand start to talk to him. But not in a way that will make you seem like a slut. lol but start to have lunch dinner or breakfeast and if he still says the samething then its time for you to forget about him and dont think that its your fault because you made the first move and dont hang ur head down go on about it with a high chin and MOVE ON!

You don't seem so understanding, HE IS BUSY. I for one am not in college but I know that it is very demanding when you really want to take what you learn and make something of yourself. Obviously he wants something for a future, and you should be impressed at his dedication to his work and setting his life up correctly, having a relationship is just not his number one priority right now. But then again love I understand what you are saying, for now I say stay his FRIEND and only his friend. Move on and try something new, I mean you can't just wait for him forever, but you can give him the key to reopen the door and try the relationship whenever he is ready and you aren't seeing anyone. That seems to be the best thing to do for you right now, live your life on but don't stop communicating with him! Keep to your "AIM" so you guys will still be close, but as friends... This is just for now and a suggestion for right now. Things may change in your future with him, hopefully you two will finally get together! Oh and for your question he's just busy, I personally think he really does have feelings for you but just doesn't know how to juggle his life around to make it an easier route.

Candy & Crushes

Any questions, comments, etc.. Message me!

I have to wonder what job he has that keeps him so busy all the time. Don't get wrong i don't doubt he dont work hard. I work UBS Investment bank and sometime i can put in up to 16 hours a day if there is a lot of work but i make time for my friends atleast once a week.

I would say just leave it for now. You are going away and he is always busy. Not the best place to start a relationship. You maybe a completely different person when u come back so just go take care of yourself.