RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up serious breakup with girlfriend

ok , im not sure how to go about this but my girlfriend and i had a fight which has resulted in law enforcement involvement for the 3rd time in 5months our relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride . This recent fight started after we returned to my place after i took her out for dinner on her bday . i gave her some zotes beer baked sunflower seeds i had gotten from work snack area . the label had a young woman standing "nude" in a beer mug . she wanted to know who gave them to me and i said jo the admin assitant . then she went into why would a woman give those to you ! i replied dont start an agruement they were given to all employees , well there insued an agruement and the mudslinging began , finally i had enough and got up off the loveseat and was going to walk away but she struck accord and i reached around grabbed her throat and told her to stop , then let go . i know that even though i didnt injure her i was wrong in my action , i said im sorry and backed away( this was the first time i had laid hands on her) . she then screamed not man is going to put his hands on me and pushed and slapped at me a couple times , and started to gather her belongings to leave . i told her i was tried of be accused of cheating, etc. and felt she was using me as a matter of convience . and the last time she got mad she had two guys threaten me via phone and she texted me she was interested in another guy . anyway as you can gather the relationship has had turmoil and turned toxic . well that night she filed a statement with police and told me i was going to pay . the police contacted me and told me to turn a statement and not to contact her . so i did the statement and took full responsibility for my action and have since been charge with domestic battery which she is already underprobation for after she got drunk and attacked me causing bleeding and scars . so to my question , i feel like this relationship can be salvaged but only through concelling to learn how to communicate . since its only been a week since the event should i do no contact from this point forward and let her approach me . or cut my losses and move on . i sent her this email within a day of the breakup and was contacted by police and warned again not to contact her .i want to turn this into a happy relationship but i dont know if it can be .
EMAIL:
You probably realize that each time we have tried as individuals to figuire out what the other wants and how to work to get the relationship we want the pain of failure is more costly. I think the main reason is we dont know what the other really wants or how to get what we want . I believe we really havent given ourselves a fair chance at a relationship . I think to do a proper reattempt we need to see a counselor and learn how to be a couple that can communicate .Which is the main key to a successful relationship . You are important to me and i want a happy relationship with you ,but we need help to learn positive communication .I dont want to give up on us but i also wont to fight for a love that only i want . So i have laid my offer out there to you. Whatever happens at this point is in your hands . The only thing i have left to say is that i want a relationship with you , i wont to settle for friendship I want much more than that with you .So thats it I WANT YOU , I dont need you . I hope you understand the difference .

No offense, but I think you should run, not walk, out of this relationship as fast as you can. You both sound confused but she sounds unbalanced, thriving on drama, and paranoid. No relationship of only five months is worth this much trouble.

I agree, leave it be. Get conseling for yourself. whether or not you get back together with her, or find someone else, the conseling will help you to know who you are and what you want from a relationship. Also might help you understand why you would want to stay in a relationship even you called toxic.

i am pursueing conseling .i have forced myself to get out and try to make new friends and not contact her . we have been togeter a total about 7-8 months but that is probably still to short of time to deal with all this drama . i had even suggested we take couples counseling but i didnt follow through i left it to her . i hoped by not contacting her at all would give her time to realize the potential that was lost and miss me. Also, give me time to focus on me ,deal with the breakup , etc. I am sure at this point im driven more by emotion than logic but need to do right by me .Thanks for your replies it helps to have others input

First of all dude NEVER grab a woman no matter how angry you are. There is no excuse. The only time i could justify having a phyical fight with a woman is if she is about to stab you or something you have to restrain her.

Secondly she got physically violent towards you. Domestic violence goes both ways and she had not right to hit you.

If i were you i would run as fast as you can. The police have told you to back off, you grabbed her, she hit you what good can come of this? You say this kind of thing has been happening 5 months? What happns in another 5 months? The violence could get out of hand.

Go and do your thing, meet new people and enjoy your life. If she calls you then take it from there but for right now just assume it is over and move on. I know it is easier said than done but it is better than waiting around. I hope you get throught his and you find peace with yourself

Welcome to the forum, pctech68.
What a sad mess!

I agree about grabbing women.
It should never ever happen ~ except in self-defense.

Well, you tried with the e-mail, it didn't work, and got you into further trouble with the police.

You cannot contact her ~ they have told you that.

Maybe, one day, she will calm down and get back to you. If it happens, then you can decide if a relationship with her would be a good thing.

You grabbed her throat.
She had two guys threaten you.
You had a fight which resulted in law enforcement involvement
for the 3rd time in 5 months!

Does this sound like a recipe for a good future together?

It doesn't sound healthy to me.
One of you could get badly hurt ~ physically.

Your relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride.
These are exciting and fun, aren't they?
But they are meant to be a harmless thrill, not a harmful regular way of life.

It sounds as if you have had lots of arguments, sometimes over relatively trivial matters. Long term this would be very destructive.

You can't contact her anyway, and she hasn't responded positively to your message. Why not see if you can calm your life down and find a gentle and rewarding relationship for yourself?

But be very careful never to grab ~ or in any way assault ~ a woman again. That is not going to get you a good partner or a good relationship.

I agree i was totally out of line grabing her , and it was the first time and i am still feeling low about my action . I will face the consequences and punishment given . i normally walk away when ive gotten to a unconstructive point . I will move on and address my faults and rebuild myself

It's good that you understand where you went wrong and what you should do / should have done.

Be positive.

Make positive moves in your life!

Good luck!

i am struggling with the breakup and want to reach out to her again . but im sticking to my guns on the no contact for reasons above . im fighting the depression of the breakup to the best of ability . mornings and weekends are the worst . Anyway i know that you have read the story of the agruements/fights.i also was there for her thru very tough times for her . She lost her min poodle of 15/16yrs while we were together and it devasated her , i was there and tried to support her . took care of the vet bills as i had taken care of other bills during her unemployeement . i also bought the little dog a casket and took her and dog to her mothers where i dug a plot and placed the dog in its casket and then we had a graveside service . I have been there when she had to deal with her grandmother being put in a home and other family issues. i encouraged her through her job search and even took to interviews . So wrong or right i feel i put alot into us in a short amount of time and wanted to try to make a go at a future with her .

and of course i have regrets about the negative things that happened between us but dont regret the chance at the relationship and the fun times we had , and the times we stood together .