Hi Luvbuzz
Yes, hindsight is a great thing.
I agree with you about 'three's a crowd' ~ especially, I think, when two of them are a couple & two of them are girl-friends. It's a very uneven grouping.
I suppose, from her point of view, she's just having a guest to stay over and she feels that she is entitled to do that, whenever she likes.
If it were occasionally, then it wouldn't be so bad, but if he's using your hot water on a regular basis, then that simply isn't fair.
From Dan's point of view, it sounds like free board and lodging for a man with no job.
Personally, I think that a letter is a good idea, not only will it avoid all the emotion, it will also make it more business-like.
If he is staying 24/7, and using the utilities, then it seems that you have two almost identical options:
As it has now become, in effect, a four-person home, the rent needs to be either shared four ways, between the four individuals, or alternatively, shared two ways, between the two couples.
You might state that, as it has become a four-person home, it makes it more difficult to access the shower, etc, so those who have to go to work or classes must be able to access washing facilities first in the mornings.
If you make it clear that this is just a financial / business matter and does not reflect at all on individuals, she should, hopefully, be able to see the logic of it.
Now my take on the personal relationship part of it.
I don't think that I would ever have considered sharing somewhere with a friend and her boyfriend ~ certainly not unless I had a partner there with me.
I would have felt extremely uncomfortable and would have found it difficult to know what to say.
If I wanted to go out, I wouldn't want to tag along with a couple ~ and I wouldn't have felt right asking the girl to come out. It would either mean (as I would see it) dragging a girl away from her boyfriend, to keep me company, or inviting her and ~ rudely ~ leaving him out.
I think that it is a very difficult situation, and she may now be regretting the whole thing, too.
Without her boyfriend, she is like a spare wheel & the house doesn't work socially; with him, the house doesn't work financially or logistically.
If you can discuss all this calmly, then you may be able to retain and renew your friendship.
You are right that resentment does no good.
As for her saying nothing, when you brought the matter up before, maybe she felt that there was nothing she could say to put things right ~ for the very reasons I mentioned above.
And your fiance isn't speaking to her, which isn't going to help.
They say that, if you can't say something good, don't say anything. Maybe she isn't enjoying this any more than you are but can't admit to making a mistake, because she doesn't want to offend you and you are all stuck with the commitment until next summer.
The friendship was not going to stay the same. You went from being a couple of young girls sharing an apartment, without the responsibility of utilities, to a couple of girls renting with more responsibilities. But not only that. You are now a male/ female couple sharing with an extra girl. You may have been engaged, but he wasn't living with her. And she now has a boyfriend. When you shared before, it was a more informal relationship. All this means that your relationship with her was bound to change.
It may be that no-one is really to blame for this, except in believing that a couple and a female friend could happily share for a year. This isn't an ideal situation and now you are all paying the price until next June.
You are all going to have to talk this out and find a compromise somehow.
Good luck!
