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Okay, here's my situation.
I just recently realized I was bisexual about a month ago, ever since I made out with my best friend at a party.

I kept it a secret for about a week, but I decided to tell three of my best friends, one of them being a bisexual herself. They all understood, and were cool with it.

Now I have this one very BEST friend, who is a strong Christian (I'm an Atheist, and she knows this), and I waited to tell her because I was pretty sure she would disown me.

I decided to tell her today. And she was surprisingly cool with it. Until she asked me why. This is what I said:

"I've just been doing alot of thinking lately, and when you really really think about it, gender is not important, and it IS possible to have feelings for the same sex. I just don't feel a difference."

This was her reply:

"Actually, gender really DOES matter. God created man, and God created woman only to have feelings for eachother. God has a plan for everyone, and that is to fall in love with the opposite sex and start a family, it's supposed to be a cycle."

And I said:

"Well, some of us don't plan on getting married, or having kids. Namely me. And if God really DID love us, then he would want us to be happy, and that means having feelings for whoever we please."

She said:

"He does love us. He created us, therefore we owe him by living up to his expectations."

I said:

"I don't wanna live by anyone's xxxxxxx rules but my own. That's why I'm religion-free."

And she got xxxxxx off at started going off on me, saying that it frustrates her that I won't even give believing a chance.

And right now it's awkward and we're not talking, I really wanna fix this, but she's stubborn and gets xxxxxx off easily.

It just makes me mad that she thinks homosexuality is wrong. It's not. It shouldn't even be a xxxxxxx sin. Last I checked, sins are supposed to be BAD.

So yeah.. smirk

-Amy

Last edited by PDM; 06/26/08 12:51 AM. Reason: language
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PDM Offline
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Hello 'unknown'. smile

Welcome to the forum ~ but please watch your language.

We have discussed homosexuality quite a bit on the forum.

Many people now realise that it is a natural way of life for some people.

Others believe that it is not what God wants ~ and they cite quotes from scripture.

What can anyone do about this?
If someone is a devout Christian, and believes in the Bible, then they are likely to find it hard to accept homosexuality.

Of course, what often happens is that they discover that a loved-one or close friend is homosexual and they gradually learn to accept it.

I can really understand how hard it must be for you to cope with your close friend feeling that you are doing something wrong, but try to be as objective as you can, and see it from her point of view. She was probably shocked by your revelation and doubly shocked since it goes against something she really believes is correct.

I am agnostic, but to a Christian I might say that if God created everyone, then he created homosexuals, too, so he can't think that it is wrong. The Bible was written by men, who had prejudices and agendas, and who may not have even got God's message right. And anyway, all she has to do is be your friend, not be involved in anything that she may consider 'sinful'.

Give her time to take all this in.
After all, at first she was 'cool' with it ~ and she didn't 'disown' you, as you expected. Her argument was more theological than personal.

And have a look in our 'religion' section. There you will find answers, perhaps, to why some believers feel as they do.

Some examples of threads where you will find relevant discussions:

down with homosexuality
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=284902&fpart=1
up with homosexuality
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=85081#Post85081
Lesbians in the Church
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=210871&fpart=1
For the Bible Tells Me So
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=288712&fpart=1

Last edited by PDM; 06/30/08 11:31 PM. Reason: typos

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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When you argue with hardcore Christians who are uptight like that, 99.9% of the time you won't win. It's best to just not say anything to them, because they won't give up. I am with you though, I 100% agreed with you on when you said
"Well, some of us don't plan on getting married, or having kids. Namely me. And if God really DID love us, then he would want us to be happy, and that means having feelings for whoever we please."

That is true. Although I believe in God 100%, and I try to do whats right and everything, I also believe that people should be happy, and if one doesn't want to get married etc... thats their business, and nobody else on this earth should come between them and their decisions bc it's quite frankly, none of their business. Your friend is a hardcore christian it sounds like, and from reading that, it sounds like she was trying to shove her beliefs down your throat. I don't like people like that, sorry.

To each their own I say.


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I agree with everything PDM said. If I might just offer some food for thought. Please don't feel I have an agenda to talk you out of your conclusions. It doesn't matter how long it has taken you to come to them. It doesn't matter whether they are ones you will believe your whole life. It only matters if they are true.

You did say, however, that you "found out about a month ago, every since you made out with your best friend at a party"
I realize you would not have begun to tell your closest friends if you didn't think you were pretty sure. It seems that living with the experience for just a month isn't a very long time. The human body and psychy can enjoy the experience of "makeing out" without necessarily choosing that to be what you are sexually attracted too. You may even enjoy the experience with males also and that may not be your sexual predisposition. Many humans have sexual experiences that are exciting and stimulating and cause the mind to dwell on it to the exclusion of other similiar experiences simply because it is tasting of the "forbidden fruit" so to speak. In some of society today, it even seems to be a statis symbol to have sampled "lesbian" or "bisexual" experiences. There is the erotic pressure from men to see their ladies in a three way with another women. There are celebrities freely flaunting relationships with same sex friends. Erotic feelings associated with something new and sexual should not be confused with your sexual orientation. Most people who come to a decision about their sexual orientation, think on it and experience more than one interlude. They take their life experiences up to that point and the new experience and give themselve time to determine exactly what is occuring. The fact that you did not contemplate more than one month after this party is concerning. You also felt compeled to tell your closest friends even though you felt they might not accept you afterward. You are probably a free spirit who walks to no man's drum beat. I wonder if this has influenced your decision at all. Usually, shocking friends is not part of making a life altering decision and then a life altering revelation. This is not like deciding you look good in red and showing off your new low cut gown. What you reveal today, you may have to live up to or down depending on the unforseeable future. I am not trying to say that shocking your friends was your reason. But if "shock" wasn't a part of it, why tell them your most private information so soon. I am sure you have had relationships that have lasted longer than a month. Yet in one month, you have figured out everything about the most complicated aspect of human psychy and phisiology for yourself. Haveing stated how commplicated it can be, even if you are right and content, it never hurts to speak with professionals who are trained to determine if you indeed are right. It might save you and someone else a lot of heartache in the long run. There have been a lot of people who have been in short term or long term relationships who suddenly said, "Maybe this isn't what is meant for me". No man or woman is an island, and we all touch each other for better or worse. I am sure you would not want to disappoint or hurt anyone unintentionally including yourself.



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As a Roman Catholic with a gay best friend i just thought I would share my experiences thoughts they may or may not apply to you. I have know "Bob" since high school he wa not gay, according to him, i suspected otherwise he had unique voice, and effeminate mannerisms. Through high school these evolved. (well the voice has always been pretty much the same). It wasn't discussed, he even wanted to date me( I said no), he often dated several girls at once.
Now that we are all grown up more or less, looking back he was fighting with who he was and who he felt like he was supposed to be.
He thought he was bi for a while, he now believes that bi is a stage to being gay or just a trend phase, he won't definitively say that being bi is not possible, he just doesn't know anyone in the gay community who is bi and stays bi.
He struggled with these emotions for years on end trying to deny who he was only making himself a fake and a miserable person, he finally accepted it in university and all heck broke loose in the house he has 7 siblings all straight. To this day 2 have trouble accepting it fully. but overall eventually everyone came around that is there son, brother etc. they love him not what sexuality he is.

Regardless this has been well over a 10yr process and even now i meet friends of his that are 40 something and still in the closet. You don't wake up one morning a turn on a switch, I say give yourself time, like Jo said you had a exciting experience but does that make you bi or gay not exactly, our bodies react to certain stimulus a certain way, sugar is sweet but so is aspartame, just cos it tastes sweet doesn't mean it has to be sugar. Your tongues sweet area is activated, and just because something excites you it doesn't define your sexual orientation it is more complex than that.

I'm probably not saying this the best, but give it time, you don't have to label yourself, period.


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And I think that it is worth knowing that many people go through a sort of homosexual phase during their teens. This can result in same-sex 'crushes' ~ on teachers, for example.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Somebody who likes who regardless of your differences is likely to be a friend you can count on, and one who won't ditch you over superficial stuff. If you have been friends with this girl for a long time even though you disagree about important things, that's a valuable friendship to have, and worth some trouble to keep.

I don't know if you realize it, but the way you tell it, you presented your orientation as a decision based on logic, and not as a recognition of your true feelings. You did NOT tell her that you had no choice and this is who you are. Since you presented it as a CHOICE you had decided on after thinking about it logically, you shouldn't be surprised if she gave you arguments on the other side that she thought you might not have considered.

Clearly, and understandably, you are in a state of turmoil right now. But, while I can see how her arguments would hurt you, I also see that you were disrespectful of your friend's beliefs.

Look, it is reasonable for you to expect your friends to accept you for who you are, and respect you. That's kind of a requirement for friendship. But it's not reasonable to demand that your friends all change their ideas and think exactly the way you do, or even approve of everything that you do.

If you want to try to hang on to that friendship, I suggest that you tell her you haven't "decided" to be bisexual; you have discovered that you are. And whether it makes sense to her or you or anybody at all, it's just how you feel and you're going to have to live with it. (I'm sure you would like it to be all neat and logical, but feelings are not logical and you shouldn't try to explain them as such.)

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'Unknown', in view of the problems that you have posted, I have been giving this matter some thought.

If you are posting the concerns of a number of different people, or even if you are suggesting various topics for discussion, then it would really help us to know this.

If, however, you are posting genuine issues, that you, yourself, are personally attempting to deal with, then I do think that you need more support and help that we on the forum can give ~ though we will do what we can.

May I suggest that you print out the problems, as you have described them to us ~ you can access them via the link above ~ and take them to show your doctor and / or counsellor, who should be able to give you the help, advice and support that you need.

Some of the issues that you have described sound quite serious, so I would recommend that you get an urgent appointment with your doctor and ask him or her to help you deal with all this.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Ahem....Yes I'm a Christian but A Christian-Jew so I don't like homosexuality....I don't care if the person is...but I don' agree with it....Unfortunately one of my friends are Gay....sad...sad...sad....but anyway So yeah I don't really care if someones is Gay or Bi or Homo because...."IT'S NOT ME!!" mad smile grin So yeah.....that's just "part" of my opinion about Gay and Bi because If I go really into it....well lets just say this will be a "pretty LONG!!" post.


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